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smudge
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09 Sep 2010, 4:55 pm

I think, use small talk as soon as you can when getting to know someone, and talk about as many different subjects and situations as you can, because it builds rapport that way. I find people get uncomfortable if you leap into some deep topic, or one that the other person wouldn't know much about.

I'm not totally clued up on what to talk about either, especially when I really like someone. If I fall head over heels for them then talking is a nightmare - I go deadly silent.



billsmithglendale
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09 Sep 2010, 5:34 pm

Getting to this thread late --

TOS, I know you're religious (or at least church-going), so I think you need to think of it in terms of faith. You have faith in God, in Jesus, etc., correct?

Self esteem is having faith in yourself, even in the absence of concrete evidence. I would say confidence is closely related.



The_Face_of_Boo
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10 Sep 2010, 7:55 am

billsmithglendale wrote:
Getting to this thread late --

TOS, I know you're religious (or at least church-going), so I think you need to think of it in terms of faith. You have faith in God, in Jesus, etc., correct?

Self esteem is having faith in yourself, even in the absence of concrete evidence. I would say confidence is closely related.


^ Do not fall in this trap of illusion , TOS.

1- Improve yourself
2- Witness the results of your improvement.
3- Confidence will come as a consequence of your improvement


You might be religious but you are also a science guy.



billsmithglendale
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10 Sep 2010, 10:39 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
Getting to this thread late --

TOS, I know you're religious (or at least church-going), so I think you need to think of it in terms of faith. You have faith in God, in Jesus, etc., correct?

Self esteem is having faith in yourself, even in the absence of concrete evidence. I would say confidence is closely related.


^ Do not fall in this trap of illusion , TOS.

1- Improve yourself
2- Witness the results of your improvement.
3- Confidence will come as a consequence of your improvement


You might be religious but you are also a science guy.


Buddy, I'm as pro-science as it gets, I'm agnostic, and I don't appreciate you negating my advice above. Who the F are you, and what have you done with your life that you are anyone to talk? I know who I am -- a high-level ad exec with a good salary, a house, and married for over 12 years. You?

I framed it above in a way that TOS would be familiar with. Self-esteem and confidence aren't about science -- that's the trap we Aspies fall into that drags us down. Our lack of confidence and self-esteem becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and this lack of evidence becomes a sap to our motivation. Any motivational book will tell you that you have to get away from your past and current mindset and create a new mental image for yourself. Your reality doesn't have to match that image right now -- your reality should become that image.



smudge
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10 Sep 2010, 12:38 pm

Yes, confidence isn't built up from logic - it's built up from repetition. Like exercising a muscle.



The_Face_of_Boo
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10 Sep 2010, 1:09 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
Getting to this thread late --

TOS, I know you're religious (or at least church-going), so I think you need to think of it in terms of faith. You have faith in God, in Jesus, etc., correct?

Self esteem is having faith in yourself, even in the absence of concrete evidence. I would say confidence is closely related.


^ Do not fall in this trap of illusion , TOS.

1- Improve yourself
2- Witness the results of your improvement.
3- Confidence will come as a consequence of your improvement


You might be religious but you are also a science guy.


Buddy, I'm as pro-science as it gets, I'm agnostic, and I don't appreciate you negating my advice above. Who the F are you, and what have you done with your life that you are anyone to talk? I know who I am -- a high-level ad exec with a good salary, a house, and married for over 12 years. You?

I framed it above in a way that TOS would be familiar with. Self-esteem and confidence aren't about science -- that's the trap we Aspies fall into that drags us down. Our lack of confidence and self-esteem becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and this lack of evidence becomes a sap to our motivation. Any motivational book will tell you that you have to get away from your past and current mindset and create a new mental image for yourself. Your reality doesn't have to match that image right now -- your reality should become that image.


You can negate my advice back without using the F word and without boasting your so called achievements/experience and without attempting to belittle me by asking me "what have you done in your life?" and things like that. Your reaction only proves what a low narcissistic creature you are.

And oh, self-help books are s**t.



billsmithglendale
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10 Sep 2010, 1:30 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
Getting to this thread late --

TOS, I know you're religious (or at least church-going), so I think you need to think of it in terms of faith. You have faith in God, in Jesus, etc., correct?

Self esteem is having faith in yourself, even in the absence of concrete evidence. I would say confidence is closely related.


^ Do not fall in this trap of illusion , TOS.

1- Improve yourself
2- Witness the results of your improvement.
3- Confidence will come as a consequence of your improvement


You might be religious but you are also a science guy.


Buddy, I'm as pro-science as it gets, I'm agnostic, and I don't appreciate you negating my advice above. Who the F are you, and what have you done with your life that you are anyone to talk? I know who I am -- a high-level ad exec with a good salary, a house, and married for over 12 years. You?

I framed it above in a way that TOS would be familiar with. Self-esteem and confidence aren't about science -- that's the trap we Aspies fall into that drags us down. Our lack of confidence and self-esteem becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and this lack of evidence becomes a sap to our motivation. Any motivational book will tell you that you have to get away from your past and current mindset and create a new mental image for yourself. Your reality doesn't have to match that image right now -- your reality should become that image.


You can negate my advice back without using the F word and without boasting your so called achievements/experience and without attempting to belittle me by asking me "what have you done in your life?" and things like that. Your reaction only proves what a low narcissistic creature you are.

And oh, self-help books are sh**.


Your achievements seem pretty friggin relevant to me -- otherwise it's sort of the blind leading the blind, isn't it?

Self-help books are s**t -- wow, your evidence? Worked pretty well for me. I went from thinking I was barely a human being (due to the way I was abused and treated as a teen) to the top earner in my family and most of my peers. My life is pretty happy. That's why when ant like you brushes aside my advice so cavalierly, I have to set things right. Maybe stick to talking about things you know about ;)



Janissy
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10 Sep 2010, 1:59 pm

smudge wrote:
Yes, confidence isn't built up from logic - it's built up from repetition. Like exercising a muscle.


Fake it till you make it.



smudge
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10 Sep 2010, 2:18 pm

Janissy wrote:
smudge wrote:
Yes, confidence isn't built up from logic - it's built up from repetition. Like exercising a muscle.


Fake it till you make it.


Yep, that's basically what did it for me. It isn't logical which is I guess why it sets so many aspies back. The subconscious doesn't work on logic.



Erisad
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10 Sep 2010, 4:08 pm

I don't have much self-esteem either so I don't know what to tell you. :(

*holds up flame shield*