self-esteem

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Joined: 17 May 2009
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22 Sep 2009, 7:28 pm

I have 0 self esteem. However, I'm a Consultant (work) so must project calm confidence at all times. Its an act but necessary for working with NTs - both at work and otherwise.

Another piece is the realization that you'll survive any mistakes. Yes, it'll be uncomfortable at first, but so is any new exercise. I'm still struggling with that one given that I'm far to much of a perfectionist and any mistake is almost physically painful.

ToadOfSteel
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22 Sep 2009, 9:16 pm

sarbear1987 wrote:

Exactly. My problem is that, whenever I think anything even remotely positive about myself (like "wow, what I just did was funny" or "this looks really cute on me") I feel conceited and not good about it. That and I have a hard time looking past the nitpicky things that I don't like about myself. And I always worry that I've angered or annoyed someone, for no reason.

:roll:

Issues. I have them.

To be honest, a little self-doubt is something I find attractive in women... northern NJ has the 2nd highest concentration of guidos after Long Island, and anyone who knows a guido (which doesn't necessarily have to actually be Italian, just thinking they are one) knows how self-absorbed, narcissistic, and insensitive they are... same goes for the type of women that gather around them... so I'm a bit fed up with thinking of oneself as "perfect" at this point...

Bataar
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22 Sep 2009, 9:16 pm

I don't know if I have low or high self esteem. I seem to be a complete realist and give myself credit in the areas I think deserve it and criticism in other areas. I know I'm not physically attractive so does that mean I have low self esteem or simply acknowledging reality?

Hmmmn
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22 Sep 2009, 9:30 pm

Sounds like you're accepting reality Bataar, if you'd said something about how the reality of your situation was only negative and there was nothing you or anyone else could do about it then it could be said you had low self esteem.

Bataar
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22 Sep 2009, 9:39 pm

Hmmmn wrote:

I don't think that would show low self esteem, but rather, depression, which I do have.

SINsister
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22 Sep 2009, 9:48 pm

Bataar wrote:

I don't think that would show low self esteem, but rather, depression, which I do have.

They generally go hand-in-hand, though. *Points to self*

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KnightGhost
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22 Sep 2009, 10:39 pm

Is there a difference between thinking that there's nothing I can do about it, versus continuously yet fruitlessly searching for something that I can do about it?

I never give up. That's just not me. But at my current (calculated) rate, it'll take 500 years to find a girlfriend. Yet life seems so chaotic and complex that I haven't been able to find a way to improve those odds.

Bataar
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22 Sep 2009, 10:49 pm

I guess the whole self esteem thing is trickier than I thought. I don't consider myself to have low self esteem, but I don't think I'll have a girlfriend either. I just realize that I'm not physically attractive, have nerdy interests/hobbies that seem to only attract other guys, I don't like talking to people I don't know, etc. With those things factored in, it doesn't take low self esteem to realize that dating is probably out of the question for me.

SINsister
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22 Sep 2009, 11:20 pm

Hmmmm...

Have you two not checked out the chix0rs at WP? Starting here may be your best bet - no one's got any illusions, innit.

machf
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22 Sep 2009, 11:25 pm

Bataar wrote:

Dating, probably, but there's always still a (very slight) statistical chance that you'll one day meet the one girl that's right for you... I mean, there has to be one somewhere...

Bataar
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22 Sep 2009, 11:28 pm

machf wrote:

Bataar wrote:

Dating, probably, but there's always still a (very slight) statistical chance that you'll one day meet the one girl that's right for you... I mean, there has to be one somewhere...

Statistically it's definitely not impossible that I'll meet someone and date them, definitely not. Just the odds are so small I don't bother to waste time/energy hoping for it. That would be like saying I'm going to make my way in this world by winning the lottery.

zen_mistress
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22 Sep 2009, 11:42 pm

Janissy wrote:

ToadOfSteel wrote:

[

Quote:

Reason needn't be abandoned it just needs to be applied correctly. A small tip - Before seeing themself as a confident person someone with low self esteem needs to project confidence, ie fake it. People will take your fake confidence as real confidence and will treat you like a confident person. Once people treat you in this way you may find you have some real confidence to play with. Even confident people do this to get things done when they don't feel up to it.

The same technique can work for lots of other things too

If I do that, I'm just deceiving myself...

Deceiving yourself is actually a good and helpful thing. What is being advocated here is the placebo effect, which is very real and works.

But is it really self-deception at all? What is a good trait or a bad trait is only a matter of perception.

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TheDuck
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22 Sep 2009, 11:54 pm

Bataar wrote:

It's an interesting question. I also don't think that I will ever be able to get a girlfriend but I don't think I have incredibly low self esteem. I know my strengths but I also know that realistically there isn't much chance that i could find someone that would be able to like me. I think fixing low self esteem issues would be a lot easier than the problems stopping me from getting a girlfriend.

MommyJones
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23 Sep 2009, 6:44 am

SINsister wrote:

MommyJones wrote:

...how comfortable with who you are and what you are good at and what your limitations are. The key is to be OK with that.

It's tough, though, if one's not really very good at anything (especially the things one values or wishes to master).

Your right. It is very hard. That is why I needed the help of a therapist and it took years to be comfortable with myself. Age helps too. Someone on here said something about CBT. A lot of my work was around changing the way I think and see things. I didn't have "CBT", but I did try to do that, and after working for a long time I think I came to that just as much as working on it consciously.

ToadOfSteele: You care enough about yourself to seek answers. That's a beginning

Give yourself credit for that.

DeadFire87
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23 Sep 2009, 11:20 am

I have low self-esteem. It varies day by day. Sometimes I feel great and happy all day long. Other days I am thinking what would I do with a gun with a tear or two in my eyes. I have no friends. One person that was my friend I think I barraged them with 20 messages or so and they haven't talked to me since. They haven't blocked me or anything though so maybe there is hope. No job or anything just yet either and my family is no help in this regard. they just say it over and over again. I know I don't have one. I haven't told them I think I might have AS either though. I just found out really though of what AS is and learning a few things. I am pretty sure I have it though. Its kinda odd though I think. When I discovered AS I was more excited and happy than worried and sad.

I still have alot to do to gain any confidence either way. Been thinking about talking to this one girl, but I keep bringing up negative things to myself in my head. I never feel very good about the idea. I kinda like her though. I am hopeless.

Hector
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23 Sep 2009, 12:53 pm

I don't think I have self-esteem issues, or at least anything as clear-cut as a low self-esteem. If anything I probably set the (intellectual/physical/social) bar too high for myself a lot of the time, and come across to some as a bit of a charlatan.

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