Negative social behaviors from attempting to be normal?

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racooneyes
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24 Sep 2009, 2:25 pm

Spazzergasm wrote:

wait....NTs never think the things we keep to ourselves?


They have an easier time keeping the thoughts to themselves.


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Spazzergasm
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24 Sep 2009, 3:09 pm

racooneyes wrote:
Spazzergasm wrote:

wait....NTs never think the things we keep to ourselves?


They have an easier time keeping the thoughts to themselves.


oh? how is that? sometimes i have to mentally stop it from coming out.



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24 Sep 2009, 5:28 pm

Here's my take on the whole thing. I think that deep down inside, NTs would like to talk about intellectual things, but because the "society" says you're not supposed to do it, they suppress it, and talk about socially acceptable things instead. Basically, they edit themselves so much that very little of their true self comes out. We aspies, on the other hand, due to our social blindness, don't edit ourselves when we speak, so we end up talking about intellectual things. But because the "society" looks down upon it, we get crap for doing it. (Why is "society" written in quotes? The joke below should explain it.)

I came up with a joke about this. It was originally a blonde joke, but I changed the words and the content to make it about NTs.

I wrote:
Two NTs are sitting on a park bench talking.
"Did you know that everything in our world is made of tiny little atoms?"
"Yeah, and each one of them has protons and neutrons in the middle, and electrons moving around in circles."
"No, you're thinking of the planetary model. It's been discredited years ago. Now scientists use the quantum model. It's based on mathematical concepts, and electrons move around the nucleus in a cloud-like formation.
"But how far would electrons be from the nucleus if they don't follow specific orbits?"
Suddenly, they see a group of people, dressed in latest fashions and acting like they own the street, walking in their direction.
"Oh no, popular people are coming this way. Quick, start talking about celebrity gossip!"
"Hey, did you hear about how Paris Hilton got a DUI?"

This illustrates the difference between aspies and NTs. NTs automatically/subconsciously know that you're not supposed to talk about intellectual stuff around people who are more popular than you. We don't have that subconscious knowledge, so we end up talking about atoms when we're "supposed to" talk about Paris Hilton. When we do learn it, it's either from a written source or the hard way (from being bullied for discussing intellectual stuff). Apparently, NTs consider this "rule" almost sacred, and follow it at all costs.



racooneyes
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24 Sep 2009, 7:59 pm

Quote:
Spazzergasm said -
oh? how is that? sometimes i have to mentally stop it from coming out.


Whereas we have one thing we must say and we'll be agitated til we get it out or forget about it they would just select the most appropriate response from the many they can choose from in their head.

Aspie1 I think that's part of it but not the whole story. There's also the question of congruence basically people need to be on the same wavelength for things to happen so sometimes you have to adjust yours. Also there's context no point talking in an intellectual way when doing something that doesn't require it or needs to be done quickly or most importantly with someone who wont understand it.


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get all confused and then mix up the dates.


Spazzergasm
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25 Sep 2009, 9:30 am

racooneyes wrote:
Quote:
Whereas we have one thing we must say and we'll be agitated til we get it out or forget about it they would just select the most appropriate response from the many they can choose from in their head.


hmm i'm somewhere in between.



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25 Sep 2009, 12:57 pm

racooneyes wrote:
Quote:
Spazzergasm said -
oh? how is that? sometimes i have to mentally stop it from coming out.


Whereas we have one thing we must say and we'll be agitated til we get it out or forget about it they would just select the most appropriate response from the many they can choose from in their head.

Aspie1 I think that's part of it but not the whole story. There's also the question of congruence basically people need to be on the same wavelength for things to happen so sometimes you have to adjust yours. Also there's context no point talking in an intellectual way when doing something that doesn't require it or needs to be done quickly or most importantly with someone who wont understand it.
100% true.



Dancyclancy
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26 Sep 2009, 11:47 pm

I've tried many things in social situations. I know I'm not good at initiating a conversation so
I leave it to someone else, then make the obligatory sounds mmmmm, yeah! not really!... etc.
but there is just so much of this sort of thing I can pit up with.
If a really interesting topic is brought up in conversation I tend to go too deeply into it when all the others are content with superficial or flippant remarks. Saying something that displays that you take the topic seriously is usually met with silence or people exchanging knowing looks. Then I become very embarrased and shut up and then feel conspicuous by mu "shutting up" and this compounds my awardness.
When others are happy to argue heatedly about differing points of view I become agitated by their " aggression" and find the situation so "hostile" that my mind shutsdown. Occasionaly I have tried to explain my position to someone who has reacted aggressively and, as they usually have no clue about where my standpoint is coming from, I usually make matters worse .
My partner has told me I should "quit while I'm ahead" I still have no idea what he means. I interpret it as never continue if others display a different opinion...ie. shut up.
SOOOOO.... now I not only find social situations boring but also extremely frustrating.
No amount of rehearsing, or being an observer making "obilgatory " sounds can make me feel that socialising is worth the mental torment and frustration.
DECISION: Since coming to terms with Aspergers I have come to understand it is a futile exercise to try to engage in social situation.... keep it to the minimum. I only relate "socially" to others in an "interest" group .... not so much socially but attend "Discussions" on a particular interest. MUCH EASIER and more REWARDING.


There is still the possibility of letting things slip out that contravene "sociatel norms".... as I did recently. Sort of like "dropping a bomb shell".... only to me it was revealing the truth of my position on the "topic". Yep! they'll think I'm weird.... so what! I know that they value my contributions to the discussionson the whole.... so being viewed a bit weird is OK. :oops: