Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Funny, Sadistic, Stupid Jokes

Page 3 of 3 [ 44 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3


What's your fav-
MOOOO! 10%  10%  [ 4 ]
MOOOO! 10%  10%  [ 4 ]
MOOOO! 10%  10%  [ 4 ]
MOOOO! 10%  10%  [ 4 ]
MOOOO! 23%  23%  [ 9 ]
MOOOO! 23%  23%  [ 9 ]
MOOOO! 8%  8%  [ 3 ]
MOOOO! 8%  8%  [ 3 ]
Total votes : 40

auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 90,187
Location: the island of defective toy santas

24 Dec 2017, 7:56 pm

ah so :mrgreen: thank you for clearing that up for me :flower: CBS stations were not receivable in my neck of the woods growing up, so I missed the smothers brothers on their first run. they had a brief turn on NBC back in the mid-70s, but it was not the same type of program.



naturalplastic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Aug 2010
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 21,723
Location: temperate zone

24 Dec 2017, 9:57 pm

Never knew about the Smothers Brothers routine.

I got it from some junior high, or high school schoolmate in the early seventies era when Pollock jokes were in.

He asked me "how do your drive an impatient Pollock crazy?

And I kept saying "Well..howdya do it?....Whats the answer?" while he just stood there smirking. Then I realized that I swallowed it hook line and sinker.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 90,187
Location: the island of defective toy santas

24 Dec 2017, 10:00 pm

here's a vandal named william;
looking for kicks, drilled;
holes in a large sign;
bored bill bored billboard.



Esmerelda Weatherwax
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2017
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,749

24 Dec 2017, 10:02 pm

Ouch.

All right then:

Little Willie, feeling bright,
Lit a stick of dynamite.
Curiosity seldom pays;
It rained Willie several days.

and:

Willie was a chemist,
But he isn't any more;
What he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.


_________________
"I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are the good people and the bad people," said the man. "You're wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides."
-- Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!


Esmerelda Weatherwax
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2017
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,749

24 Dec 2017, 10:05 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
Never knew about the Smothers Brothers routine.

I got it from some junior high, or high school schoolmate in the early seventies era when Pollock jokes were in.

He asked me "how do your drive an impatient Pollock crazy?

And I kept saying "Well..howdya do it?....Whats the answer?" while he just stood there smirking. Then I realized that I swallowed it hook line and sinker.


Yep. The one they got me with was a piece of paper. On both sides, it said: "How do you keep some people busy for hours? (over)" And over and over and around and around...


_________________
"I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are the good people and the bad people," said the man. "You're wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides."
-- Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!


Last edited by Esmerelda Weatherwax on 24 Dec 2017, 10:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 90,187
Location: the island of defective toy santas

24 Dec 2017, 10:07 pm

Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Matthew.

Matthew who?

Math you couldn't do unless you had an IQ of 184.



Esmerelda Weatherwax
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2017
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,749

24 Dec 2017, 10:35 pm

"But that doesn't add up," Tom said, nonplussed.


_________________
"I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are the good people and the bad people," said the man. "You're wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides."
-- Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!


auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 90,187
Location: the island of defective toy santas

24 Dec 2017, 10:41 pm

What English word contains the five vowels -- aeiou -- in order, and I should warn you that the answer is facetious? Some fraction of persons would give up, whereupon I repeat, “I warned you. The word is facetious.”



Esmerelda Weatherwax
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2017
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,749

24 Dec 2017, 10:50 pm

^^ Good one. When I was overseas and my colleagues complained about the quirks of English, I'd write this out and ask them to read it aloud; they always cracked up:

The rough man coughed as he ploughed through the dough.


_________________
"I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are the good people and the bad people," said the man. "You're wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides."
-- Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!


auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 90,187
Location: the island of defective toy santas

24 Dec 2017, 10:55 pm

English, the easiest language to learn but the hardest to master.

UP is a very strange word!
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends.
And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.
We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car..
At other times the little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.
In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.
It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.
When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP,
for now my time is UP,
so........it is time to shut UP!



Esmerelda Weatherwax
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2017
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,749

24 Dec 2017, 11:33 pm

Image

well done!


_________________
"I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are the good people and the bad people," said the man. "You're wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides."
-- Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!


auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 90,187
Location: the island of defective toy santas

24 Dec 2017, 11:38 pm

Image



Aspinator
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2008
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 676
Location: AspinatorLand

25 Dec 2017, 12:46 pm

Question: Why was the little boy hitting himself in the head with a 2 by 4?

Answer: Because it felt so good when he quit



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 90,187
Location: the island of defective toy santas

25 Dec 2017, 1:29 pm

Image