Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Funny, Sadistic, Stupid Jokes

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What's your fav-
MOOOO! 10%  10%  [ 5 ]
MOOOO! 10%  10%  [ 5 ]
MOOOO! 10%  10%  [ 5 ]
MOOOO! 10%  10%  [ 5 ]
MOOOO! 21%  21%  [ 10 ]
MOOOO! 21%  21%  [ 10 ]
MOOOO! 8%  8%  [ 4 ]
MOOOO! 8%  8%  [ 4 ]
Total votes : 48

Mountain Goat
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14 Jul 2020, 5:25 pm

What is yellow and stupid?

Thick custard.


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Buton A Button B


naturalplastic
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14 Jul 2020, 7:57 pm

What city has the lowest average IQ?

New York because it has the densest population.



Joe90
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15 Jul 2020, 8:04 pm

Today is so hot that my fan overheated and didn't work. I guess it's not a fan of the hot weather.


What's the difference between a hard earner and a slob?
One's working hard, the other's hardly working.


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PhosphorusDecree
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17 Jul 2020, 8:29 am

There's a music student joke that's a bit interrupting-cow-ey about minimalist composer Philip Glass:

"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Philip Glass!"
"Philip Glass who?"
"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Philip Glass!"
"Philip Glass who?"
"Knock knock"....


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Fnord
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17 Jul 2020, 8:48 am

Did someone mention music jokes?

...

Arnold Schoenberg walks into a bar. "I'll have a gin please, but no tonic"

...

Middle C, E Flat, and G Natural into a bar.
"Sorry," says the barman. "We don't serve minors."

...

Q: Why didn't Handel go shopping?
A: Because he was Baroque.

...

"Son, what did you learn at your first bass guitar lesson?"
"I learned to play an 'A' in time with the music."
"What did you learn at your second lesson?"
"I didn't go, dad. I had a gig!"

...

Q: Why did the soprano sleep on the porch?
A: She couldn't find her key and don't know when to come in.

...

Q: How do you get the professional jazz musician off your front porch?
A: Pay for the pizza.

...

Q: What's the difference between a professional jazz musician and a large pizza?
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.

...

Q: What do you call a professional jazz musician in a three-piece suit?
A: The defendant.


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auntblabby
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17 Jul 2020, 9:05 am

a few generations ago, those would have been "beatnik" jokes.

on the subject of music-

A brain researcher walks into a butcher's shop and tells the proprietor that he needs some brains for research.
"How much is this one?"
"That one's monkey brain, and it's $20 per ounce."
"How much is that one?"
"That one is whale brain and it's $100 per ounce."
"OK, how much is that package over there?"
"Oh, that's 10 ounces of conductor brain, that goes for $2000 per ounce."
"$2000?! Per ounce?! for only 10 ounces? why so expensive?"
"'Why so expensive?' he asks! Do you realize how many conductors we have to go through to get those 10 ounces?!"



PhosphorusDecree
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17 Jul 2020, 3:36 pm

A rookie conductor is having a hard time with his orchestra. It all comes to a head when he says something stupid and the percussionist responds with a "b'dum tish!"
"OK, who did that?!" the conductor shouts.


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auntblabby
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18 Jul 2020, 5:13 am

what's the difference between god and a conductor? god doesn't think he's a conductor.



naturalplastic
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18 Jul 2020, 7:42 am

Handel wouldnt go shopping even if he werent baroque!

He would go Chopin! And even amake a Chopin Liszt!



auntblabby
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19 Jul 2020, 1:27 pm

what do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.