Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Funny, Sadistic, Stupid Jokes

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What's your fav-
MOOOO! 10%  10%  [ 5 ]
MOOOO! 10%  10%  [ 5 ]
MOOOO! 10%  10%  [ 5 ]
MOOOO! 10%  10%  [ 5 ]
MOOOO! 21%  21%  [ 10 ]
MOOOO! 21%  21%  [ 10 ]
MOOOO! 8%  8%  [ 4 ]
MOOOO! 8%  8%  [ 4 ]
Total votes : 48

Mountain Goat
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14 Jul 2020, 5:25 pm

What is yellow and stupid?

Thick custard.


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naturalplastic
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14 Jul 2020, 7:57 pm

What city has the lowest average IQ?

New York because it has the densest population.



Joe90
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15 Jul 2020, 8:04 pm

Today is so hot that my fan overheated and didn't work. I guess it's not a fan of the hot weather.


What's the difference between a hard earner and a slob?
One's working hard, the other's hardly working.


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PhosphorusDecree
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17 Jul 2020, 8:29 am

There's a music student joke that's a bit interrupting-cow-ey about minimalist composer Philip Glass:

"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Philip Glass!"
"Philip Glass who?"
"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Philip Glass!"
"Philip Glass who?"
"Knock knock"....


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Fnord
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17 Jul 2020, 8:48 am

Did someone mention music jokes?

...

Arnold Schoenberg walks into a bar. "I'll have a gin please, but no tonic"

...

Middle C, E Flat, and G Natural into a bar.
"Sorry," says the barman. "We don't serve minors."

...

Q: Why didn't Handel go shopping?
A: Because he was Baroque.

...

"Son, what did you learn at your first bass guitar lesson?"
"I learned to play an 'A' in time with the music."
"What did you learn at your second lesson?"
"I didn't go, dad. I had a gig!"

...

Q: Why did the soprano sleep on the porch?
A: She couldn't find her key and don't know when to come in.

...

Q: How do you get the professional jazz musician off your front porch?
A: Pay for the pizza.

...

Q: What's the difference between a professional jazz musician and a large pizza?
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.

...

Q: What do you call a professional jazz musician in a three-piece suit?
A: The defendant.


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auntblabby
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17 Jul 2020, 9:05 am

a few generations ago, those would have been "beatnik" jokes.

on the subject of music-

A brain researcher walks into a butcher's shop and tells the proprietor that he needs some brains for research.
"How much is this one?"
"That one's monkey brain, and it's $20 per ounce."
"How much is that one?"
"That one is whale brain and it's $100 per ounce."
"OK, how much is that package over there?"
"Oh, that's 10 ounces of conductor brain, that goes for $2000 per ounce."
"$2000?! Per ounce?! for only 10 ounces? why so expensive?"
"'Why so expensive?' he asks! Do you realize how many conductors we have to go through to get those 10 ounces?!"



PhosphorusDecree
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17 Jul 2020, 3:36 pm

A rookie conductor is having a hard time with his orchestra. It all comes to a head when he says something stupid and the percussionist responds with a "b'dum tish!"
"OK, who did that?!" the conductor shouts.


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auntblabby
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18 Jul 2020, 5:13 am

what's the difference between god and a conductor? god doesn't think he's a conductor.



naturalplastic
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18 Jul 2020, 7:42 am

Handel wouldnt go shopping even if he werent baroque!

He would go Chopin! And even amake a Chopin Liszt!



auntblabby
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19 Jul 2020, 1:27 pm

what do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.



Mountain Goat
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19 Dec 2020, 5:03 pm

What goes "Haha" bonk?


A man laughing his head off!


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20 Dec 2020, 7:16 am

A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...
'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'

She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."
So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"

Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"



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22 Dec 2020, 11:51 pm

Dean, Barb, Austin Powers and I are at Barb's apartment watching Me TV. The Pure Wick commercial comes on. Austin asks, "Does that make you horny?"


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23 Dec 2020, 12:02 am

The Lone Ranger and Tonto turn in for the evening out on the plains. After a few hours, Tonto suddenly nudges the Lone Ranger until he awakens. Tonto says, with alarm in his voice "Look up! What do you see?"
The Lone Ranger looks up and says "I see the nighttime sky."
Tonto nods and says "So what does that tell you?"
The Lone Ranger thinks about it for a moment, then says "Well, astronomically, it tells me there are millions or even billions of stars and planetary systems in our galaxy. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is currently in Leo. Theologically, I feel the sky suggests that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Time-wise, from the position of the moon, I'd say it's about 11:45pm. And meteorlogically, from the clarity of the sky, I'd say we're in for a great day of weather tomorrow. Why, Tonto? What does the nighttime sky tell you?"
Tonto replies "It tells me somebody stole our tent, you jacka$$."