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Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 692
Location: Ramona, California

01 Oct 2009, 3:16 pm

On July 7th, my family and I were evicted from our home and we had to live in hotels. Our car stalled out in the middle of nowhere and all our computers are gone so we have to use the internet cafe. My mom also just died on Sunday night and my 11 and 14 year old stepsisters are freaking me out with talk about being kicked out for being 20 and having no job and having outbursts when I get stressed. My stepdad may or may not get this one job and if he gets paid enough, my stepfamily will move to Michigan. I'm not sure if I should stay with them or stay in California. I have no living relatives in California so I'll probably be homeless without help from the regional center. I don't know what to do.

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."
- Hunter S. Thompson


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Joined: 18 Jul 2009
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,138
Location: A little ways south of the river

01 Oct 2009, 4:04 pm

Good God. 8O
Sorry about your Mom :cry:

KurtmanJP wrote:
I don't know what to do.

Overload bigtime to try to do something about everything at once.

1. Step-dad's job is beyond your control. Just let him know you support his efforts and do care what happens. Then 'let go' of the matter.

2. Stepsisters may well be acting out their stresses and fears - and they probably have them to overflowing right now. What may help is to say to them that you realize they probably have some fears and stresses right now. May be quite different from yours, but you do realize that they have them.
Wouldn't say that old line "I understand/know what/how you feel". You aren't them. And I hate when that line is said to me, the speaker is not me, they don't know how exactly I feel.

3. If it works out to go with them, that could provide a "base" to "launch" from once you have moved.
However, may have to be resident in new state for some amount of time before eligible for services there. It is a trade-off.

4. My parents are living, apologies that I haven't experience to give good input there.

"Every time you don't follow your inner guidance,
you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness."
- Shakti Gawain


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Joined: 28 May 2009
Age: 69
Gender: Male
Posts: 262

02 Oct 2009, 8:06 am

So, so sorry to learn of your mom's passing and the difficult situation you are in with your step-family. I have never been in a situation like the one you are in, but would really like to help so am going to give the best advice I can. I really hope that others here give you their advice, particularly people from California who know how the social service system works there. The Haven doesn't seem to get much traffic so please consider reposting this in General Discussion.

First, you NEED support at this difficult time. Do not let shyness or pride get in your way and stop you from asking for it. When asking for help try to be as open (about your diagnoses etc.), honest (about your needs), humble, courteous and appreciative as possible. If you don't get the support you need at first keep asking somewhere else.

Do you have relatives outside of California who might be willing to help you? If there is a funeral that they are coming to, perhaps take that opportunity to explain your diagnoses and difficulties, and that you need help finding a job and a place to live. Ask them directly if they will help. You have nothing to lose, and you never know.

It is impossible for us to know how bad things are with your step-dad and sisters, but remember to be supportive and appreciative at this difficult time. Your sisters are young and at a difficult age so might act immaturely. Do your best not to take their words too seriously. Try to have a calm talk with your step-dad and see if you can work out a plan of action. He is in a very tough spot, too, and is surely very worried about money and the family's future.

You should only stay in California on your own only as a last resort. If you do this, you are going to need to be very strong, and you are going to need to find support. I don't know how the system works in California so I really can't say who you need to see. You might also go to your last school and ask for advice from the guidance office. Are there churches or other groups that could help you?

My thoughts are with you.


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Joined: 5 Sep 2009
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,807

02 Oct 2009, 6:52 pm

I'm guessing your biological father cannot for whatever reason help you?