How do non-sociable people get girlfriends/boyfriends??

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bonez
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01 Oct 2009, 8:08 pm

Aspies arent the only people with social issues, lots of other people do too. How do all these people meet people?? it seems like being very social is the only way...



Villain91
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01 Oct 2009, 8:14 pm

I'd also like to know the answer to this one. (:



CelticGoddess
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01 Oct 2009, 8:15 pm

I've had boyfriends and I was married. Most of the guys I was involved with were ones I grew up with (met in highschool and then dated in my 20's) or I met online and then we transferred to a positive real life relationship. I've met people through mutual interest groups as well. I have social phobias so it wasn't easy but it happened. I guesas kind of lucky that some guys found my social quirks "cute". Not sure why though.



calis1981
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01 Oct 2009, 8:19 pm

i met my partner in high school
i've been stuck on her since
never had enough nerve to ask her out
then i moved away for a year, she saw me down the street and came over and started talkin to me
i freaked out!! then i told her about the massive crush i had on her
been with her ever since then really
that was 9 years ago now



Maggiedoll
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01 Oct 2009, 8:20 pm

Online. :lol:



bonez
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01 Oct 2009, 8:24 pm

its so much harder though if you're a guy... if ur a girl, its ok to be shy, but if ur a guy and ur shy people think your weird.



am_suomi
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01 Oct 2009, 8:26 pm

I met one guy in group therapy! We only went out a couple of times. But at least we knew each others problems (well, I didn't know about AS then).

The next bf I met in the campus bar. I was very drunk, so was he, we went back to his place, and then it lasted 9 years. Looking back, I think he has some AS traits. I was his first gf so we probably found each other "convenient".

Current bf I met online. He is from a different culture so may not have noticed my differences. Now he enjoys some of them...

So there is hope! Although I don't recommend the alcohol option.



bonuspoints
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01 Oct 2009, 8:33 pm

That has been my issue! I have never been in a relationship. I don't like doing the social things that most of the people my age or in my town do to meet people. How does someone who prefers to stay home meet someone with similar interests (they wouldn't be out and about either!)? :?:


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zeldapsychology
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01 Oct 2009, 8:41 pm

They magically appear? LOL! Humour aside I've never had a boyfriend or dated etc. I'm hoping once I get a job to meet someone even girlfriends to socialize with would be great. :-)



jamesongerbil
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01 Oct 2009, 9:03 pm

my current love walked up and started talking to me and wouldn't stop! 8O for the previous one, i wanted a date to the dance and his friends were apparently trying to set me up with him (i had no idea of course) so i walked up to him and was like, "wanna go to the dance with me? k, bye." the crappy one before that was my friend apparently. he was a jerk. the one before that, i have no idea. but we were both awkward, so it was cute. before that, i apparently broke the #1 unspoken rule that was, "never ask your interest on a date out loud. be discrete." we were in 10th grade, so discretion was kind of a joke. i turned around and asked, "would you like to go to the dance?" and he said yes. after, i got several lectures from my friends on how that was "so wrong." :roll: fancy that.



anneurysm
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01 Oct 2009, 9:24 pm

Usually they happen by having a broad social network to begin with, and by focusing on friendships as the stepping stones for a relationship to happen. Having existing friendships allows you to practice and refine your social skills in preparation for a relationship, as well as increase your exposure to people, lessening your anxiety.

I made the mistake of dating guys at a time when I didn't have a lot of friends and when my social skills weren't the best. They led me to pick some really crappy guys (two who wanted to become criminals when they grew up (!) who didn't necessarily have anything in common with me or that could share things with me. This was because I was focused on getting with any guy who wold pay attention to me rather than picking someone I could be relaxed around, have fun with, and be myself with.

Even if you want to take a more disconnected route and meet someone online, establishing a network of friends (even if it's only 2 or 3) will give you some practice and confidence when communicating with a potential partner. Also, this network can benefit you as they can introduce you to more friends: and potential partners as well!


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Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term psychiatrists - that I am a highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder

My diagnoses - anxiety disorder, depression and traits of obsessive-compulsive disorder (all in remission).

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.


CelticGoddess
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01 Oct 2009, 9:30 pm

bonez wrote:
its so much harder though if you're a guy... if ur a girl, its ok to be shy, but if ur a guy and ur shy people think your weird.


I disagree. I like the shy guys because it makes me feel more comfortable. I don't feel like I have to fill the silence. Don't sell yourself short.



Shebakoby
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01 Oct 2009, 9:36 pm

CelticGoddess wrote:
bonez wrote:
its so much harder though if you're a guy... if ur a girl, its ok to be shy, but if ur a guy and ur shy people think your weird.


I disagree. I like the shy guys because it makes me feel more comfortable. I don't feel like I have to fill the silence. Don't sell yourself short.

It is impossible to tell if a guy is shy because he's shy, or shy because he does not want the other person.



astaut
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01 Oct 2009, 10:34 pm

I've always met guys through social situations, but the problems arises after we've been going out for a while. I usually don't have a lot of interest in hanging out with his friends and he doesn't have a lot of interest in doing activities I'm interested in.

I don't really know how non-social people meet other people...I'm pretty antisocial currently and I'm not meeting anyone.



princesseli
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01 Oct 2009, 10:51 pm

The only answer I can think of is online. I've met a couple guys online but they both were so far away :( The current guy that I sorta have a thing going lives on the other side of the country literally. Its not too likely Im ever gonna meet him. Hmm...I might who knows?



TheDuck
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01 Oct 2009, 11:04 pm

I have always asked myself the same question. I'm guessing the internet makes it easier.