Do you ever notice...

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Do you ever notice yourself easily being able to see where somebody may have made a social mistake when observing, but are completely oblivious when you do it yourself?

I notice that when people ask questions about situations, I can much better see what maybe should have happened... it's kind of like watching a movie in my mind or something. But when faced with a situation, I have absolutely no clue what to do, and no clue what I have done that might have made somebody mad at me.

A social blindspot topic

I have no clue as to my own social foibles, and no clue as to how to fix them.

Same... but I can see it sooo clearly (sometimes) when others are having the same problems

Social Insight topic

You might have to stand outside yourself and watch as you interact with others, though i have no clue as to how you would do this. NTs seem to do this via instinct.

My children never miss an opportunity to chastise my soical blunders, and to advise me on the correct way, but it does not sink in.

It is interesting you can see the mistakes of others. All I see is perhaps the oddball behaviour of others, but it is not a social thing.

Yes! I'm very good at observing people, and working out intentions, and social cues when I'm not involved with the situation. Though, I'm not good with facial expressions, and some nonverbal cues no matter if I'm in the situation or not. I really don't know why that is. I'm not good at responding in real time maybe? I think it must have something to do with mirroring others. If you watch others socializing they somewhat move in a flawless mirroring kind of way. It's smooth. If I'm a bystander, I can see where the social process became unsmooth, but seldom for myself. I don't think I can be very objective with myself. It's like my mirror is broken that transmits back to other people. Instead of a mirror I have a wall, or a piece of crumpled up tin foil at best.

Last edited by serenity on 13 Oct 2009, 9:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

I wonder if it is because I ask so many questions about social interactions all of the time. My boyfriend says he feels like he is in class constantly when around me on some days, lol, because I keep asking and asking. I absorb things he tells me after I question them enough... but it gets absorbed as in "this is what OTHER people do", vs. "what I need to do". So the dividing line remains... "this is why other people do this" "this is what they are supposed to do", etc., but it is very hard to actually apply any of it to myself.

Kind of like there is some blockage... no matter what he explains to me about things, it's like this ongoing thing in my mind of "but I don't do that".

I guess the only way to explain it well is with an example... say everyone on my street has a blue car, but I ride around on a red bike. Therefore, everything said about people who have blue cars does not apply to me.... same kind of thing with behavior and social interactions in my mind. It's very much a separate thing. "This is what I do" vs. "This is what they do".

Yes, this happens to me quite often.
I'm like a sociologist in this regard, and I've pretty much always been this way.
I observe people with precision, but can't seem to interact with them worth a damn.

its like the guy on discovery channel who swims with great white sharks, in the moment hes focusing on not getting eaten and afterwards he watches the video tape for mistakes he made that he doesnt notice in that moment.

we review it in our minds

Before discovering my autism, I used to notice the social blunders of other people so frequently that I suspected they must be quite socially inept compared to myself. These days I'm not so sure of my own expertise with social things, but I still find it hard to believe that the majority of people are any better, neurotypical or not.

Where I live folks are so rude everything could be considered "one big social mistake". If you have social deficits this has got to be the worst place on earth to learn about how to socialize. Most people here are incredibly thoughtless and rude a lot of the time. It's the overall culture of the place, yet people still have friends and manage somehow.
I stopped thinking about it a long time ago because it bugs me so much. No one around here really seems to care if they hurt other people's feelings. I care more than most. This is the kind of place that really makes you consider what being a bit autistic truly means...and what it doesn't.
There isn't much protocal and very little community. Rudeness is a way of life here.

Yes, sometimes I can definitely see what's going on when I'm not in the situation. I'm the Anthropologist from Another Planet.

There are other times, though, when I've checked my take on a situation and my NT friends will have read it very differently.

I wonder how much watching TV, etc. has helped develop our observational skills.

And I continue to be pretty clueless about my own affect.

Yes, but for the most part my social mistakes and the mistakes of others usually have to be pointed out to me. If I notice a social mistake committed by another person, it has to be a very obvious mistake, and usually a mistake that someone already has corrected me on. But I have on rare occasions, though, pointed out to my wife someone who I thought was committing an obvious and irritating faux pas, only to have my wife tell me that I do the same thing.

Totally, used to do this a lot and sometimes it still happens.

I read the name of the thread and thought it was about Andy Rooney.

But anyways, No. I like to watch interactions between people, but I miss it most of the time. For instance guy A will say something to guy B and I think a fight will break out for sure. But instead, its followed by a man-hug??

I don't get it. (The interaction or the man-hug)

I have noticed other people do it, but not sure if I've done it myself.