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Seanmw
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17 Oct 2009, 2:32 am

A heart so walled away is blind
if i entered, think you would mind?
fortresses do crumble, Dear
Twas through a crack i entered here
throw up your walls to keep me out
i'll slip back in with your self-doubt
you're not infallible, you know
I'm simply trying to help you grow
with lessons learned that we all share
with aims to help, to strip you bare
from such illusions harbored in
each morning's hollow waking grin
each evening's frown before you sleep
dreams haunted by the lies you keep
and fears yets still of something more
not of life's love you could restore
but also that you could regain
the semblance of a heart's true pain
that you might trade it for the dark
protection for a lesser mark


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Celtic_Frost
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17 Oct 2009, 3:05 am

That poem sucks.



zena4
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17 Oct 2009, 3:13 am

:?:

I liked it.



Seanmw
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17 Oct 2009, 4:14 am

Celtic_Frost wrote:
That poem sucks.
oh, thank you for your marvelous insight 8)

care to share your masterpieces :roll: ?


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Mariah918
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17 Oct 2009, 4:34 am

Really good poem I suggest you make an account on http://www.thestarlitecafe.com. You can share poems on there, chat, and get constructive critisism for your poems. They also have poetry challenges/contests.. it sucks that you don't win anything but it's fun :P



Celtic_Frost
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17 Oct 2009, 4:42 am

Oh I mean to say that poems suck. I don't know how that's considered a talent. Oh noes I can't write a good song or a good book... But I can write a bunch of cut off sentences about nothing! WOW! Hell, I could write a poem as good as this.



zena4
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17 Oct 2009, 4:47 am

Easy said, easy done? :)



Dilbert
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17 Oct 2009, 5:13 am

Maybe the next leap will be the leap home?



Tim_Tex
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17 Oct 2009, 6:08 am

Very good poem!


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Seanmw
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17 Oct 2009, 10:21 pm

Celtic_Frost wrote:
Oh I mean to say that poems suck. I don't know how that's considered a talent. Oh noes I can't write a good song or a good book... But I can write a bunch of cut off sentences about nothing! WOW! Hell, I could write a poem as good as this.
oh i see. you're just the blunt type who don't realize when they're being rude. or perhaps don't even care.

but anyways this particular poem isn't that complex, true.
it only has an exact count of 8 syllable per line.
simple rhyming couplets scheme.

talent in writing of the content and word choice is debatable. :)
that it has to follow the prescribed rules while making sense and sounding nice.
and that i can do all this and still stick to the story i had in mind and keep consistent to the feeling in it's metaphors can be difficult at time with such restrictions.

but the syllable restrictions are necessary to give it that smooth cadence so that each line takes about the same length to say and has no irregularities in it's rhythm. there can be a lot of intricate structural planning that goes into these. and working content to fit such structure in a desired way takes talent i think.

ummm, dude what exactly do you think a song is anyway? it's a POEM set to music. they don't always have to rhyme you know. have you stopped to actually READ lyrics before? i've had people reading my stuff suggest i should write lyrics too
:lol:

and finally my poem isn't about nothing. if you can't decipher a metaphor, then i'm truly sorry for you. if you can't appreciate imagery, equally so. but maybe your imagination can't handle anything more straightforward than a book? or music where you don't necessarily listento what is being said entirely but find the sounds entertaining?
my poem carries within it somewhat of a story, a bit fragmented true, but as a metaphor for a deeper feeling and life-lesson.

it's more or less about people who've withdrawn into themselves because of bad lfe experiences. withdrawn behind their "walls". and a figure sneaking past in some small way could be symbolizing the voice of reason. or possibly an outside influence. suggesting that withdrawing/hiding away from the "world" or "people" out of such fears and pretending to yourself that everything's ok carries it's own price (represented in the line "trading for the dark"). whether in never knowing whether things could have gone better, or in the significantly lesser but constant pain or hollow ache that such can bring on. it's not as sharp, but it erodes at a person just as surely.

this however does not apply to everyone. as i am sure i recal some aspies and other people who simply by nature like to be alone and withdrawn with no such 'causes. and mostly was just written to express a bit of my own history and vent that into an expression of sorts.


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Seanmw
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17 Oct 2009, 10:22 pm

Dilbert wrote:
Maybe the next leap will be the leap home?
i know i've heard that on some tv show somewhere :lol:


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Seanmw
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17 Oct 2009, 10:23 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
Very good poem!
thanks :)


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17 Oct 2009, 11:07 pm

Somewhere inside.
It's still obscured.
Darkness reflects.
Stronger than fear.
I seize control to inhale this final day.
I shut my mind but I'm falling anyway.
No.
And I think that I'm all alone.
I can feel the rain pull me down again.
No.
And I know that I have no home.
I can feel the pain take a hold again.
Tied to the ground.
In mounting shade.
My soul is bound.
And so it fades.
And I know that I won't escape.
My remaining faith is draped.
Like my hurt and my fleeting grace.
In this numbing empty space.

8)



Seanmw
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17 Oct 2009, 11:36 pm

Asmodeus wrote:
Somewhere inside.
It's still obscured.
Darkness reflects.
Stronger than fear.
I seize control to inhale this final day.
I shut my mind but I'm falling anyway.
No.
And I think that I'm all alone.
I can feel the rain pull me down again.
No.
And I know that I have no home.
I can feel the pain take a hold again.
Tied to the ground.
In mounting shade.
My soul is bound.
And so it fades.
And I know that I won't escape.
My remaining faith is draped.
Like my hurt and my fleeting grace.
In this numbing empty space.

8)
very good :)
a little depressing, but relevant, something we've all probably felt before at times.
and written in such a way with deviating patterns throughout instead of a single constant one.
interesting.


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Asmodeus
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18 Oct 2009, 12:14 am

Seanmw wrote:
Asmodeus wrote:
Somewhere inside.
It's still obscured.
Darkness reflects.
Stronger than fear.
I seize control to inhale this final day.
I shut my mind but I'm falling anyway.
No.
And I think that I'm all alone.
I can feel the rain pull me down again.
No.
And I know that I have no home.
I can feel the pain take a hold again.
Tied to the ground.
In mounting shade.
My soul is bound.
And so it fades.
And I know that I won't escape.
My remaining faith is draped.
Like my hurt and my fleeting grace.
In this numbing empty space.

8)
very good :)
a little depressing, but relevant, something we've all probably felt before at times.
and written in such a way with deviating patterns throughout instead of a single constant one.
interesting.


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Celtic Frost is always relevant.



Seanmw
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18 Oct 2009, 12:27 am

once again, very good :)
and as shown, music lyrics are very much just poetry set to music.
poems=good

as i'm guessing you have a another screenname called "celtic frost" and used this one to make a point of some kind?
such a coincidence seems too great to me :lol:


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