had to quit miniatures gaming because nightmares

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Hey Y'all;

I used to enjoy miniatures gaming in several genres, SciFi, Fantasy, Historical.
And was very good at painting, making, miniatures.

A couple years ago had to give it all up because every time gamed or worked on minis or military models I started having rather nasty nightmares.

I wasn't in military, haven't been in a war, but when I described a couple nightmares to my Dad who was in Vietnam, he said, not in these exact words, Good God, that's combat PTSD!

Then started having same type nightmares after seeing pretty much any kind of TV or movie violence.

And, then any kind of violence in books.

WTF

So, gave up the minis, and my gaming friends.
Now stick to Kites, model trains, and non-military boat models.

Even the "paid professionals" have not yet figured out where this is coming from.

I can think of two things, It may be that it's stress issues or it's ego. Your ego will cause your morality to become hazy. It happens to everybody but it's worse in others. I myself have problems with my ego. What you have to do, if that's the case, is just remember that the ego is not the one in control, you are.

Ego is only a factor if you think that you enjoy seeing the nightmares and violence when you know you do not in truth. If it's just stress rather than moral uncertainty coupled with stress, than it isn't ego. If that's the case than I'd have to say that you have a stress disorder or something along that line.

There are moments when I feel similarly, I develop a really strong aversion to violence and especially anything that can possibly conjure up particularly gory imagery or extreme suffering. One of my long-standing fears is succumbing to a violent death. During these moments I can't stand video games where people shoot and kill others for fun, and blood splattering all over the place. People constantly exposed to violence as some kind of medium of enjoyment get desensitized to it, and no longer really see the reality of it, I think.

I don't know, I have a very strong paternal, protective instinct these days and I kinda feel like that's related to this aversion... I mean, I know that sometimes violent measures are required (e.g. law enforcement), but these days I think more and more that violence is something that should be done because one has to, and not enjoyed or glorified in any way. One would engage in violence with the end goal of peace and well-being, and not for its own sake. It's these moments that make me think that yeah, I can kinda understand what military PTSD must be like, even though I've never served in the armed forces and never been in a war. I can kinda understand what it must be like to be an EMT or coroner at a crime scene, even though I've never been either of those. It's like the full realization of what violence is and can do hits me in full force out of nowhere. Violence, and especially violent death, is gruesome, and not something to enjoy.

I don't think that this is necessarily a "stress disorder", I think that it's brutal naked reality. We're animals and we can die. We see roadkill all the time and we might not think much of it, but people die in car accidents all the time, it's just that people don't usually think about what's involved when you have to clean up the accident. Maybe it just seems worse right now due to thinking about it too much and the ensuing anxiety coming from that, but it's good to have this realization at least once in a while, so that we can appreciate just how fragile and vulnerable we all really are.