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Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

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Joined: 1 Jan 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 64
Location: Singapore

20 Oct 2009, 6:57 am

Hey guys,

I've fallen for a really wonderful girl from SD, CA over the 'net while I'm here in Singapore, and unlike most long distance prospects, I have active plans to head stateside to continue my education and money isn't a huge question for me, so a physical meet up is a certainty should she give her consent.

There are several hurdles that I have to cross, though...

The primary one is when I finally managed to muster the courage (which was tremendously difficult for a diagnosed AS fella like me) to tell her outright that I really liked her and wanted her to be mine, her response was she had kind of expected it, and that she really liked me as a friend and enjoys spending time with me, but is unsure if she can fully reciprocate my feelings. She told me to give her time to figure it out and be patient.

The second one, is she has a female BFFWB (Best Friend Forever With Benefits). While she enjoys reading yuri manga (Japanese comics depicting girl-on-girl love) and admits that she has had crushes on female persons, she was quite forceful in telling me that she'd never want to get seriously involved with another girl.

Of the two hurdles, funnily enough, I cannot handle the first, but yet I can understand the second. I'm liberal and open-minded enough to understand such things, for as much as I am a straight guy, I can admit that there have been periods when I've just felt strangely attracted to some persons of the same gender. Some may think it extremely disgusting, or queer of me, but I've been trying to learn empathy from my past therapy sessions, and putting those lessons to good use. I think it's been helping me.

But back to focus on the first hurdle... I don't know. Despite the advice from my friends that I ought to just be patient and continue to talk to her, the Id (or AS) side of me pops up frequently with the extremely nagging urge to badger her for concrete confirmation, because my AS personality simply demands for the concrete truth, even though my logical mind tells me that I shouldn't be doing that. Another thing that my AS personality is telling me, is that she was just sugarcoating sh*t in telling me that she hadn't figured it out yet, because she didn't say "Yes" right away.

I don't know what to do about it, to be honest. Some advice would be very much appreciated.


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Joined: 15 Oct 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,042
Location: between bannings.

20 Oct 2009, 10:52 am

Ok, first things first.
Head over to the adult forum and link some of this 'yuri manga'

Secondly. You are young, give it time. Dont force anything too quick. She sounds young and unsure as well. You could pack up and plan everything so that you end up in southern Cali to finish school and find out you hate her. Tell her you're thinking of moving that way, if you havnt already, not to "make her yours" but because you want to move close to a friend and it is a great area to live/go to school. See what she thinks.

You're friends are right, just be patient.
Then again, i'm also hypocritical. I followed a girl 2,000 miles away to college. We were dating in high school and i went to the same college just to follow her and obviously it didnt last that long into college and I dont hate that I made the choice, i was 18, went to a new place, met lots of cool people. When you're young is the time to do that, pack and move somewhere new for "love"

p.s. 'wanted her to be mine' seems a bit up-front. if that's how you worded your thoughts to her you might want to think about changing them, maybe to her the idea of you moving out there to grow your friendship, maybe as better friends, maybe into a relationship, is appealing to her, but she'll probably read that as 'this guy wants to come out here and jump right into a deep relationship' and that is scary for many reasons.

?It's a sad thing not to have friends, but it is even sadder not to have enemies.? - El Che