oblivious?

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Social rules can be studied. I never had "common sense" but the rules are not that much. You can try to study a bit of sociology and psicology, I think there are some book studied for Aspies, like this:

http://www.amazon.com/Unwritten-Rules-S ... 987&sr=8-6

I'm not able to toe up my shoes, and I drive, work and have a family so it shouldn't be too much important (well my wife sometimes hate when I don't find things over my nose )

It took me 4 weeks (thats 8 classes) of a college course before I realized my cousin was in the same class.

There were only like 15 of us in the class. Verbal attendance was called every day. The teacher called out my cousins name every day (But she said "Elizabeth", her full name, not short name).


On the flip side. If someone moves anything of mine even an inch, I'll notice.

LoL, I am totally capable of this! I agree with the earlier post, "dismissing things before you become conscious of the" fits me perfectly. I have no problems locating things that I am looking for however.

Yes. My mom used to tell me all the time "If it had teeth, it would bite."

YES, i'm a terrible multitasker. if there is too much chaos, i just shut down. why do we experience sensory overload? is there any reason for the inability to take in too many things at once?

oh, and i'm 18.

Yes, exactly.

Different people find different things interesting.
If you were to focus on one kind thing or situation, it effectively blinds you to looking at other things in different ways.

So everyone's oblivious to the things that they don't focus their minds on.

Someone who was born to focus intensely on other people first would have a mental map of the world populated by social interactions and people. They thrive on and enjoy socialising. People focus on what's important to them. I'll think about that the next time I hear someone say something that I think is 'irrelevant' and 'silly'. It's very relevant and important to him/her because that's how s/he views the world.

Because no-one can look at everything all at once, people group themselves together to get information from the people that can see things that they don't usually focus on. It's a survival strategy.

This has taken me years to work out.
Please bear with me.


I find cooperation so difficult though.

I cooperate best if someone was to tell me to go and do my own research/task alone, and then report back to the group.

When I read about cooperation in books, I see methods of working that involve people doing the social 'okey kokey'. I don't think that forcing people together to 'get along' is always the answer. It can sometimes 'back-fire' especially if people have extreme temperaments. Sometimes the enforced socialising can lead to competition and resentment.

So paradoxically, pressurising people to get along can lead to very anti-social behaviour, which they might not have engaged in if the situation had been more relaxed and open.

I think that sometimes the best way to cooperate is to let other people get on with their own thing and live their own lives. Accept them as they are and exchange information with them occasionally.

Just because my mind is set to the default of looking at the surrounding environment first doesn't mean that I don't care about other people. I care about other people deeply even if I don't always know how I should be caring, I always try to care.

I wasn't taking you to task, AmberEyes, I was indicating that I'm just like you when it comes to seeming "oblivious." I only notice things, generally (and in great detail), rather than people. A brief glance here and there is about it. The physical world (nature, art, architecture, etc.) is what I focus on, and always have.

Yes.
The physical world.

Oh sorry.

I understand.
I know you weren't 'taking me to task'.
I appreciate your perspective.

Here I go again offending people unintentionally.


I really didn't mean to offend you at all.

I was simply stating that my seeing the surrounding physical environment first doesn't mean that I don't care about other people. I was saying this because some people might've got the false impression that I only care about objects and not people.

I just typed what I typed to put up more information.
I wasn't directing any criticism at you.
I'm sorry if it seemed that way.
I was just putting out more text responding to what I'd already written.

I'm sorry if that came out wrong.
I think it highlights the point that I do care even though I unintentionally offend people sometimes.

This post also highlights why I have to keep saying 'sorry' to people as a compensatory mechanism, because I am sometimes socially oblivious and say/or write the 'wrong' thing without meaning to.

There I go again forgetting about the social aspect of a message board.
When I see a message board in my head, I see one of those pin-board things where you post up information for other people to read who might be interested. I often forget the social interaction part. I sometimes just see a board with lots of information notes posted on it.

You didn't offend me in the least!

I understand completely where you're coming from; I often lose sight of the fact that I'm communicating with "real" people as well, and not just text on a screen. It's daunting, isn't it?

It's often the same with me and books.

I see text written on a printed page stating an opinion.

I sometimes forget that there is actually a person behind that opinion who exists in real life beyond the page.

All I seem to see sometimes is a disembodied piece of knowledge written down between two covers, especially with non-fiction works.

This is why I always thought (perhaps mistakenly) that books were intended to be read alone and the experience kept private, rather than discussed openly. When I think about books and text, I have a mental image of people studying silently in a library reading text, not talking to each other.

I find text much less daunting than talking to people face to face.
I'd be quite quiet in public.
Text also allows time to prepare a response and redraft.
Social situations are much less forgiving and you have to have your answer spontaneously ready.

It can be frustrating sometimes if I'm trying to respond to someone in conversation, then I spot an interesting object.

I can't seems to help it. My gaze zooms in on that object, not because I don't like the other person, but because the object or detail is demanding my attention. People have often commented on this and have even offered me the object in question, especially if I'm intensely at it. I've felt guilty afterwards, especially if it's an item of food. The other person will ask me if I'm hungry or will offer me a sweet. This has happened to me on a number of occasions. I've found myself looking at physical details without knowing why sometimes.

Sparkly or shiny things are the worst.
If there is a room with pictures on the walls, I'll feel compelled to look at all of the pictures.
Or if there are patterns on the carpet or the walls; or lighting fixtures.
I'm not oblivious to these things.

This is also one of the reasons why I find it incredibly difficult to initiate conversation.
Lots of objects seem to get in the way.
Some of them are very nice or fascinating objects too, but I mean no disrespect to the other person.

The other person might believe that I'm oblivious to the fact that the other person is there, but in reality, I'm desperately trying to focus on them without scaring them away.

The nature of Asperger's is about overfocused attention on the things you are interested in, and NO attention on anything else. It also makes it hard to filter out extraneous noise and unimportant information. This kind of mess is all part of the syndrome. A diagnosis of Asperger's rules out a diagnosis of ADD for this reason -- you can't diagnose ADD if something else accounts for the symptoms better, and Asperger's easily meets that criterion.

But they can be co-morbid, as in my case. My docs want me to try meds, but I'm resisting.

This is interesting, so part of Aspergers is (short version) the inability to focus attention on two things at the same time?

I don't understand....

I'm so focused on A that B is drowned out
I'm focused on A but B is making it hard for me to focus on A thus I cannot focus at all - distraction.

On one hand, that leads me to believe AS means your easily distracted, while on the other hand... Oblivious?

The act of reading a book may be solitary, but appreciation and understanding can be communal. Which is why there are book discussion clubs.

ruveyn