Page 1 of 3 [ 41 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

eroberts
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 1 Oct 2009
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 44
Location: Sheffield, UK

30 Oct 2009, 9:55 am

I always thought it was the opposite, but now I don't understood it anymore because for me AS seemed to get worse, then better, then worse.



Susie123
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 15 Aug 2009
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 73

30 Oct 2009, 11:32 am

Wedge wrote:
Susie123 wrote:
him on the GF/CF diet, which he tinks helps, but he's lost so much weight, I wonder if not eating enough ismaking him worse. I'd just hate for him to go back to eating gluten and dairy and have those meltdowns again.


Susie one warning!: (Pay special attention to irritability and depression!)

Diet Side effects (from wikipedia)
Dieting, especially extreme food-intake reduction and rapid weight loss, can have the following side effects:

Prolonged hunger
Depression
Reduced sex drive
Fatigue
Irritability
Fainting
Sinus problems (especially post-nasal drip)
Muscle atrophy
Rashes
Acidosis
Bloodshot eyes
Gallbladder disease
Seizures
Malnutrition, possibly leading to death
Subsequent weight gain


Thanks for bringing this to my attention! Looking through this list he has 6-10 of these. I just sent him to eat. Does anyone know of an Ensure-like supplement without gluten or casein? THANKS!



Susie123
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 15 Aug 2009
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 73

30 Oct 2009, 11:34 am

eroberts wrote:
I always thought it was the opposite, but now I don't understood it anymore because for me AS seemed to get worse, then better, then worse.


It's been a rollercoaster for us, too, only for him it seems to be generally escalating, but from minute to minute, it's up, it's down. It's crazy.



AMD
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 18 Sep 2009
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 221

30 Oct 2009, 11:46 am

With my son, he is very mild. His symptoms showed a lot more in the 3rd grade than it is now. I have read that hormones (during puberty anyway) knock it out of whack for some, making it seem worse, but others with AS seem to have less symptoms. My son is starting puberty and has dropped a lot of symptoms or rather, they have become a lot less noticeable. Less tantrums and more saying o'well, instead of getting mad. More likely to go outside to play with neighbor kids and less likely to spend most his time on the computer refusing to see anyone. More willing to go somewhere w/o anxiety when it is unplanned, less trantrum because we aren't going straight home so he can get on the computer. I think it is possible for it to get worse, especially if someone is under stress because they are not coping well while in a stressed state. Imo...everyone is different.


_________________
This could get long...


Blindspot149
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Oct 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,516
Location: Aspergers Quadrant, INTJ, AQ 45/50

30 Oct 2009, 1:12 pm

Susie123 wrote:
I don't think he's bipolar -- his swings can be instantaneous and never in a manic/high way. It's always in anger, and his eyes soemtimes look like he's not there. We have plenty of stress to go around here, but he claims he doesn't feeel any anxiety.



I get angry sometimes and even inside my Autistic Matrix I can definitely feel the stress and the anxiety.

I get even more anxiety AFTER I blow up!


_________________
Now then, tell me. What did Miggs say to you? Multiple Miggs in the next cell. He hissed at you. What did he say?


sartresue
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Dec 2007
Age: 65
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,313
Location: The Castle of Shock and Awe-tism

30 Oct 2009, 6:30 pm

Apple_in_my_Eye wrote:
Susie123 wrote:
My husband's AS symptoms seem to be getting exponentially worse over time. In fact, there are times where he looks and acts like he's strung out on drugs, but I know he doesn't use them. During these times he can be crazed and just like nothing happened, be his old self again. I don't understand it, and I don't understand the bigger picture of what appears to be a significant progression. Can someone explain?

You might want to check this out -- it's a lot to read, but there's various reasons why people can look like they're regressing. (if that's what's going on, of course)

"Help! I Seem to be Getting More Autistic!"

I don't know your husband's age, but at mid-life or so, people seem to lose a bit of their mental energy reserves, and since people on the spectrum do a lot of 'compensating' with willful mental effort, the result can look like regression. And/or maybe he's heading for a burnout (described in the above article)



Aut as it seems topic

This article should be required reading. I have bookmarked it for reference.


_________________
Radiant Aspergian
Awe-Tistic Whirlwind

Phuture Phounder of the Philosophy Phactory

NOT a believer of Mystic Woo-Woo


Susie123
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 15 Aug 2009
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 73

30 Oct 2009, 8:30 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:
I agree that AS doesn't usually get worse over time.....like others have said, coping strategies tend to make it appear to get better.

But the environment can sometimes change for the worse, which might make the disabilities look worse. Also I usually find that when I'm stressed out, my AS symptoms seem to get worse, or to put it another way, when I'm calm and relaxed I find it easier to apply coping strategies. Another possibility is that he's been putting in an enormous effort to cope but is gradually running out of energy. And I've heard people here report their symptoms "waxing and waning" over time.


Thank you. What you said makes sense.



Susie123
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 15 Aug 2009
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 73

30 Oct 2009, 8:31 pm

Nightsun wrote:
I think that Asperger (at least for me) get better after adolescence till 25-30 years old, then some habit can come back. I think is a sort of "natural pressure".


Thank you -- I'm understanding better now about the role stress in adulthood plays.



Susie123
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 15 Aug 2009
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 73

30 Oct 2009, 8:34 pm

makuranososhi wrote:
Consider:

Those on the spectrum develop coping skills based on their experiences, observations and analysis. These are often accumulated over long periods before becoming clearly defined. As time passes, those mechanisms no longer work in the manner they once did, resulting in episodes of frustration and confusion when these nearly imperceptible changes build to a point that what once worked is at a point of collapse. Such a cycle leads to the situation where how one's condition affects them to greatly different degrees at various stages in their lives.


M.


Thanks. What you said is interesting. Something more for me to think about.



Susie123
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 15 Aug 2009
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 73

30 Oct 2009, 8:39 pm

AJY wrote:
Quote:
My husband's AS symptoms seem to be getting exponentially worse over time. In fact, there are times where he looks and acts like he's strung out on drugs, but I know he doesn't use them. During these times he can be crazed and just like nothing happened, be his old self again. I don't understand it, and I don't understand the bigger picture of what appears to be a significant progression. Can someone explain?


AS itself is a very stable condition. It does not get better or worse over time. If anything, people usually get better at adapting over time therefore reducing the "symptoms".

I can only offer you several guesses (some are based on my own relationship experience with NT women):
1. If the relationship is relatively new, you may be experiencing what I would call a "fake facade crumbling". See, Aspies are aware of their weaknesses when trying to start a relationship. The typical strategy is camouflage. The person may attempt to consciously control every aspect of his persona to appear more attractive and mask the ASness as much as possible. The pretending may be so good that you'd never get to know the real person. Unfortunately, the "new you" requires such a tremendous effort to constantly maintain that it's only a matter of time before you simply run out of steam and cannot do it anymore. It may take months or even years, but when that happens, the person will start losing self-control in response to the most stressful events first. Desperate to maintain the image, the person will wrestle the self-control back, but it's a losing battle over time.
2. He could be under some sort of stress. Causes of stress as well as ways of dealing with it may be very different from yours. Accumulating anger and frustration may be something that is happening. These things need an outlet and the "crazy" episodes may be just that.
3. As somebody indicated, AS may be accompanied with other mental problems, such as bipolar disorder


Thank you. I agree there's stress involved here, and it was interesting to read your take on how Aspies develop a facade in new relationships (though don't most people?!). I think both of these factors probably feed into what I am witnessing, but I am perplexed by his ability to instantaneously turn on a dime from a crazed husband to the seetest thing, like nothing happened a second ago. It's baffling.



FeralAspie
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2009
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 80
Location: Australia

31 Oct 2009, 2:13 am

Susie123 wrote:
... but I am perplexed by his ability to instantaneously turn on a dime from a crazed husband to the seetest thing, like nothing happened a second ago. It's baffling.


I behave in exactly that way, it amazes me how I do it. I remember reading how a lot of aspies create mountains out of molehills most of the time but then can be exceptional in crisis situations. That is me to a T and I think sometimes when I go too far then my crisis mode kicks in and I am able to get out of it instantaneously.

I know it is has historically been hard on my wife but I do think that nowadays it is more me that I am harming than my wife when I'm in one of my moods.

I too am getting worse in my aspergers tendencies and I do think I put that down to not having the energy I used to have that was devoted to appearing NT.

I know nothing there really helps you but I must say I was worried for a second upon reading your post that maybe my wife had joined the forums until I got the bit about the diet etc. :oops:



Eggman
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,676

31 Oct 2009, 2:17 am

Does being smart get worst over time?


_________________
Pwning the threads with my mad 1337 skillz.


Susie123
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 15 Aug 2009
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 73

31 Oct 2009, 7:12 am

FeralAspie wrote:
Susie123 wrote:
... but I am perplexed by his ability to instantaneously turn on a dime from a crazed husband to the seetest thing, like nothing happened a second ago. It's baffling.


I behave in exactly that way, it amazes me how I do it. I remember reading how a lot of aspies create mountains out of molehills most of the time but then can be exceptional in crisis situations. That is me to a T and I think sometimes when I go too far then my crisis mode kicks in and I am able to get out of it instantaneously.

I know it is has historically been hard on my wife but I do think that nowadays it is more me that I am harming than my wife when I'm in one of my moods.

I too am getting worse in my aspergers tendencies and I do think I put that down to not having the energy I used to have that was devoted to appearing NT.

I know nothing there really helps you but I must say I was worried for a second upon reading your post that maybe my wife had joined the forums until I got the bit about the diet etc. :oops:


Thanks for the perspective. I hadn't heard of this before.



FeralAspie
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2009
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 80
Location: Australia

31 Oct 2009, 6:12 pm

Susie123 wrote:
Thanks for the perspective. I hadn't heard of this before.


One thing we've found that helps us a lot is our recognition that I need to withdraw when things aren't working. We've set up a room in the house that is considered 'my room'. I've got a mattress, a desk and computer there. When I start to become too much to handle my wife effectively tells me to go up to my room. Similarly I am becoming better at recognizing my need to withdraw before things get out of hand and head to my room myself. It has become my chill out space and simply being there has a calming effect in itself.

This sort of thing needs to be discussed and worked out when your husband is in a good mood.

A key in this hole thing is your husband understanding that his behavior is detrimental and it is in the best interests of your relationship to lessen the impact.



Susie123
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 15 Aug 2009
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 73

31 Oct 2009, 7:43 pm

FeralAspie wrote:
Susie123 wrote:
Thanks for the perspective. I hadn't heard of this before.

A key in this hole thing is your husband understanding that his behavior is detrimental and it is in the best interests of your relationship to lessen the impact.


That's the part he doesn't get. He thinks it's me. our child, or that it's "natural" to do whatever it is he is doing at the moment given whatever the circumstances are. He is unbelievably forgiving of himself.



AJY
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2009
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 35

31 Oct 2009, 10:16 pm

Quote:
...but I am perplexed by his ability to instantaneously turn on a dime from a crazed husband to the seetest thing, like nothing happened a second ago. It's baffling.


I did the same thing when I was with my starter wife. It is hard to explain, but here's my attempt of self-analysis: First, the anger or the "crazy" episode is only a skin-deep. And, I'm almost certain it's not even directed at you, but rather at his own inability to handle the situation. I could even venture to speculate that Aspies cannot really experience a deep anger that lasts longer than a typical attention span of a few minutes. Just like many of the other emotions, expression of anger sometimes is just a result of a logical analysis that anger should be the appropriate normal response in the actual context. Secondly, based on my experience, 25 seconds into the meltdown, some logical reasoning kicks in and concludes that the whole thing is stupid, there is really nothing to be angry about, I probably look retaded if I continue and I should go back into my normal sweet "pretend NT". There is also guilt that you were offended for no reason and a desire to rectify the situation as quickly as possible.

What's missing is the understanding that your feelings and expectations are very different. Not only you can't stop being angry and hurt in a flash because you're truly upset at the full NT strength, you can't really imagine how it's possible for him to do so. My ex-wife would just say that I was a drama a-hole who didn't care about her feelings. I believe the opposite is true. When I decided to end one of the outbursts by storming out of the room and coming back in a few hours with and angry expression, she was no longer perplexed. I was no longer acting like an a-hole, I was a real a-hole.

Talk to him, you probably need to understand one another better.