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beejay
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31 Oct 2009, 10:35 pm

This is the first time I have started a topic on here, and I don't really know what I want in response from anyone.

I really feel alone right now; I have a handful of people who I considered to be friends, and they are right now all together having a good time while I lay on my couch miserable. They are mostly on Facebook, and they knew from my posts there that I had no plans for the night. One friend would invite another out, but nobody thought to contact me. I waited for the phone call, but it never came. I even threw together a costume (I was going to be Glenn Beck wearing a tin foil hat; the nerve of me to make fun of someone else being nuts...) in the hopes that someone would contact me..but nothing. It's not like I could just invite myself; that's bad manners, and maybe they don't want me there.

I mean, sure I'm not the life of the party and I go into my usual thousand-yard stare when I run out of things to say, not knowing what the others think of me and usually assuming the worst, but I'm certainly not an unpleasant person to be around; I can even manage to say something funny and clever every now and again. Maybe I'm wrong, though. I may have all the social skills of a particleboard endtable from Ikea, but I crave social interaction just like anyone else.

I just don't feel like anyone (outside of family) cares about me, and those who seem like they do just walk all over me in the end. Maybe my problem is that I don't interact with more people like me, but they're few and far between here.

I don't know...


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lotuspuppy
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31 Oct 2009, 11:08 pm

I know the feeling perfectly well. I, too, am alone on Halloween night because I never have any real friends. I hate Halloween every single year because it reminds me how alone I really am.

Personally, I'd tell your friends how you felt if you feel this is important to your health. The way I see it, it's far better to have no friends than to keep bad company.



Mapler
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01 Nov 2009, 12:47 am

My friend actually made me go out on Halloween today. I had a good time with him and his brother (they give out candy from treating-or-treating which is a quirky habit so I got alot of free candy :D)

Sorry you have a bad Halloween though. I've had bad birthdays where everything is completely ruined. (to be exact 13th birthday my parents were pissed at me)



beejay
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01 Nov 2009, 12:52 am

That is one thing I definitely had this Halloween: candy. Had plenty of leftovers from trick-or-treaters.


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My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball; but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!


Last edited by beejay on 01 Nov 2009, 2:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Dellingr
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01 Nov 2009, 7:25 am

One thing I've found is that people not inviting you out doesn't necessarily imply that they've deliberately done so, perhaps they simply didn't think of you when they were thinking about who to ask to come, it can happen, especially if you're not on the inviters' mental list of "people who liven up every party they go to", I'm certainly not on any of those lists and I'd say us aspies would tend to be underrepresented on those mental lists in general.
Relatedly, maybe they don't realise you'd like to be invited, NTs generally invite people to social gatherings who they already know will want to come.


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Nahzryn
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01 Nov 2009, 8:38 am

I can completely understand being alone on Halloween or other holidays on which NTs tend to gather in large groups. I've been known to sleep through the complete day due to how depressed I become at being left out or feeling forgotten.

Something that a NT friend of mine (who really pushed for me to open up to her) has been working with me on is reaching out myself and initiating social contact. It isn't easy at all and truly terrifies me to make a phone call or send someone a message on Facebook. I often feel like I am intruding or will make others feel obligated to include me when they would prefer not to do so.

Yesterday I went to bed at noon and planned to sleep through the rest of the day so I did not have to cope with the feelings you've previously described. Before I fell asleep, I took the advice of my friend and sent a few text messages to some individuals with whom I went to high school because I knew that these people would be in town and likely be socializing simply stating that I would like to see them while they were visiting. I honestly did not expect to hear back and went to sleep.

Imagine my surprise at being awoken by my phone ringing a few times in a row. I ended up being invited to a small gathering (I made a point of explaining to my NT 'friends' some time ago about Asperger's and what I can / can't handle in a social situation) to play games, watch television and talk.

All of that rambling to say that sometimes you have to reach out and take a chance. It's terrifying and sometimes easier to face loneliness than to face potential rejection in any of its forms. I really would recommend that you find a NT friend or two that you feel as if you can explain how you feel and why you feel the way that you do. After that point it can be as simple as reminding them via some type of communication avenue that you may not have anywhere to go and you might find yourself included. It won't always be easy and it never really comes naturally, but it does help.

Sorry for writing something akin to a novel in response, but I felt as if I needed to throw that out there.

Nahz



JamesTheCat
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01 Nov 2009, 8:40 am

I was alone too. Same old, same old. But hey, the night wasn't a total waste, I put up some shelves!
Maybe inviting yourself isn't such a bad idea. People rarely say no, especially with social things like halloween.



beejay
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02 Nov 2009, 2:08 am

I think I just needed to vent last night...I feel better now. Thank you everyone.


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My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball; but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!


CockneyRebel
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02 Nov 2009, 3:28 am

I don't mind being alone on Halloween night. I don't really celebrate it, to tell you the truth. I'll go to an all request dance or something.


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