I have come to a good place in my life and, at the moment, I have quite a lot of friends although no "best friend" close ones. They all accept me as I am. The only problem is in my school at the moment there is a "divide" between two groups of people. I have no enemies in the school. I get on with everyone and I am known for seeing the best in everyone. I don't want to take any sides and try to balance socialising with each of the groups. However, I live in constant anxiety that either one of the groups will decide to hate me and ignore me because I am friends with the other as well. This would not be such a big deal to some people but I am ridiculously sensitive on this part. I hate conflict between anyone and don't think I could live with being hated. That is why I am always so eager to please people. It's also why I will get on with everyone as long as they are not just plain nasty.
(All of this is in my school, which is my comfort zone. I am socially awkward even at my school but people don't seem to mind, they just accept me. It's a specialist school. Outside of my school I am socially useless and would not be able to make a single friend.)
I don't really know why I'm posting this, I'm sure it sounds stupid, but I honestly don't think I could live either hating or being hated. By the way, I am 18 but still immature and around people younger than myself most of the time.
01 Nov 2009, 1:05 pm
