I really need some help and guidance, please.

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Ok guys basically I havent been diagnosed with aspergers but I can definetely relate...

Basically my background story is:
I was bullied at school heavily because of my name...yep...I just didnt know how the hell to respond when people tease me with my name...ok it was my surname...but w/e..
I had always been shy and I was getting more outgoing and stuff and when the bullying hit me it all went downhill...and my reputation went from decent to complete utter sh1t...
This left deep scars and I lost friends...and I was left with the loosers...and some of them teased me with the above problem because I had or have no personality and I regret not having punched them in the face
I barely went to any parties...and when I did go I didnt enjoy em at all...I just went to try and raise my reputation...as shallow as it sounds but its true...I didnt want to be the biggest looser at school...I felt really bad...
I really wish I could go back in time and punch in the face the guys that started bullying me...f*k...but even if that happened...I dont even know if I have the balls to do that...

Also...Ive never had a girlfriend and ive taken a gap year and Ive lost contact on purpose with my old school friends because theyre pathetic boring loosers and I dont want to see them ever again...not to mention that they used me and teased me...and I let them know that it hurt me a lot but they kept doing it...and it was the majority VS me so I couldnt do anything about it.

Anyways...
The thing is...I dont know what the hell I should do with my life right now.
My economic status is good and the place where I live is small and mostly everybody knows each other but my reputation is so screwed that I HATE leaving my house and when I do I try to disguise myself so people wont recognize me...yep...its that bad...

I really wanna move as far away as possible...
Ive always wanted to go to the USA since I was a kid but I my parents dont want me to go away...
I really want to start a new life with a fresh reputation...I really cant stand the place where I live...people embarass me everywhere I go...when I meet new people they usually know people from my school and then they ask them how I was and they automatically reject me because they know I was the looser with no life....

I dont know what to study....I dont know what to do with my life...somebody please help me and advice me something cause I dont know what the hell I should do...I wish GOD could help me and tell me what to do to end all this suffering and start living life happily...



Thanks for reading

If you really wanna move, do it! If your parents aren't happy then just tell them you'll keep in contact and go. As for what to study I think you need to sit down and think about what you want from your life before deciding, look at the options and just make a choice. I hope my advice helps and that you can get a hold of your life

What does your current place have to offer? Why are you still there? It's not good to stagnate, and sometimes the only way to grow is to branch out. Can you get a job somewhere else? Take care of your economic situation first. With money you can at least meet your basic needs. Make it a goal to save money, pick a new place, find a job there and move.

I am not tied to stay where I am. For now, I have a few things I need to do, and in about a year I will need to figure out where I am going from here. I have no objection to just picking up and moving to another state once I have a few more pieces of work in place. I am not accumulating a lot of things I can't take with me, nor am I becoming romantically involved with anyone who is likely to want to stay here.

I think you definitely need to find a non-bullying culture. Some of these schools should be closed down if they can't keep their low-lifers under control. I survived because I found I could entertain the others by parodying the less popular teachers with caricature drawings and voice characterisations...that must have deflected a lot of the pent-up resentment a lot of the kids had. It's a sad truth that in many schools you're not seen as "cool" unless you're doing something that's not quite wholesome. The key bullies are usually livid that they're in school at all, and if they can't get back at those who force them to attend, they'll hit out at those who seem to be going along with it as if it were reasonable. Immature groups also seem to have a need to find somebody vulnerable to use as the butt end of their sadistic pranks, so once again, if you seem to have a militant or rebellious streak, that's viewed as strength and they'll be more likely to leave you alone.

Main thing to try to keep in mind is that you've been a victim of all that crap and will probably have to struggle quite hard to rebuild your self-confidence.