socialising in groups vs socialising one on one

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andantespianato
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17 Nov 2009, 8:46 am

What difference does it make to you personally to socialise with someone one on one instead of socialising in a group? Anyone else get lost in groups but carry conversation a bit better one on one and when theres less going on?



PlatedDrake
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17 Nov 2009, 8:56 am

One on one is easier and the conversations tend to be a bit more linear. Now groups will have a tendency to overwhelm me depending on the size. If i hear 2 or more distinct conversations, i tend to get agitated because i cannot concentrate on both and have no idea which i should be listening to. That agitation can result in a panic attack-like state for me, and probably worse if i hang around it longer.



ToughDiamond
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17 Nov 2009, 9:26 am

I much prefer one-to-one. It's hard enough checking my talk for stuff that might offend one person, let alone a whole bunch of them. Also I can talk for half the time if there's only one person, without breaking the rules, while in a group of four I can only talk for 25% of the time, and listening is more tiring. There are fewer dynamic changes to keep track of when it's one-to-one, and you don't usually get this competitive game where everybody is talking louder and louder to get heard.



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17 Nov 2009, 2:22 pm

When I am in a group, I feel like it is ME against THEM, which is why I prefer one on one....Fewer opponents... :rambo:


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jc6chan
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17 Nov 2009, 2:28 pm

I prefer one-on-one, when I am in a group and I think of something to say it seems as if I'm always interrupting someone, and it ends up with me or that person saying, "oh sorry, you had something to say? Go ahead...". But i think its the other person who says sorry most of the time.



BruceCM
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17 Nov 2009, 2:39 pm

I prefer 1 to 1 or small groups, for conversation. 8)


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marshall
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17 Nov 2009, 2:53 pm

The biggest problem with groups is people begin to talk over each other and my ability to discern anything diminishes.



TiredGeek
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17 Nov 2009, 3:05 pm

I hate hanging out with groups, for all the reasons stated above. This is a real problem for me at the moment too.

I'm about to drop out of socializing with this group of friends my husband and I hang out with, it's just too stressful because we're always in a group of 6 or more. In a work situation it's unavoidable, but I have got to cut down on stress when it's avoidable by simply staying home. I used to self-medicate with alcohol but it doesn't work as well as it used to, and its not always practical. I don't want them to think I don't like them anymore, but I can't tell them about AS. I don't know of a tactful way to get something together with a smaller group, in this situation, without offending someone, so I guess we're just going to have to say I'm busy or sick or whatever. At least my husband is OK with doing that, now that he knows why it's such a problem for me. I just wish there were a better way because lying sucks!



curtis122
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17 Nov 2009, 5:00 pm

I like one on one the most because I can concentrate and I can get my point across more easily. I find that if I make a mistake E.G I miss word something then it is easier to "fix Up" . The conversation also feels a bit more relevant and meaningful . I don't really see the point of talking in big groups you may as well circulate one one one conversations.



Blindspot149
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17 Nov 2009, 5:32 pm

I am definitely a one on one Aspie.

It seems that there are also issues with 'sharing' friends that make us more likely to be one on one types.

My closest friends (who are both NT) also seem to be comfortable with one on one too.


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17 Nov 2009, 6:05 pm

In group conversations you get shut out and it's harder to not interrupt. It can be very hard to hear someone talk because other people are talking. Also hard to keep track of conversations too.

In one on one, you get ignored less and it's easier to carry on a conversation. I mostly prefer one and one. I do not like group ones.



joejoe1298
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17 Nov 2009, 6:53 pm

I am more comfortable with one on one conversations. I get more nervous when talking in a group. I feel that it is harder to add something to say when talking in a group.



Graelwyn
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17 Nov 2009, 6:55 pm

One to one has always been best for me.
As a child, my attempts with groups were awful. I would just try and barge in and talk and of course, it just got me rejected or ignored.
As an adult, I either became overwhelmed by the different conversations and ended up unable to talk at all, or remained in the background not even attempting to go near the group.
It has to be one to one for me. Even two or three people can leave me lost.



twychy
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17 Nov 2009, 7:27 pm

i prefer groups because then the focus i is shared round the group.. when theres only three or four poeple i feel akward and i dont do one to one atall. unless its with a family member



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17 Nov 2009, 11:53 pm

I like groups of 3 the most: you can contribute enough to get your point across to the other 2, and if you don't know what to say, one of the other 2 will be able to continue the conversation and you can talk it later.