How many didn't really care about getting a bf/gf 'til 18+?

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Homer_Bob
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18 Nov 2009, 8:56 pm

I'm 21 and counting, no girls to report, gwhahahaha. Nevertheless, I am starting to get use to my solitude, I'm a lone wolf and that's who I am. Strangely enough, a girl I've met is starting to flirt with me at my job(not the ideal place in my opinion) wondering how a guy as nice as me never had any girlfriends. As good looking as she is, I'm going to turn her down. The point is, I'd rather be alone then to go with just any girl. She needs to be my type; one I can respect, not an air head. Beggars can be choosers, oh wait, I'm not even a beggar. Still, the point is I really am in no rush to get a girlfriend. I'll admit I do get lonely and may want one one day but I am in no rush at all. Everything has a strength and weakness.



PlatedDrake
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18 Nov 2009, 10:08 pm

Homer_Bob wrote:
I'm 21 and counting, no girls to report, gwhahahaha. Nevertheless, I am starting to get use to my solitude, I'm a lone wolf and that's who I am. Strangely enough, a girl I've met is starting to flirt with me at my job(not the ideal place in my opinion) wondering how a guy as nice as me never had any girlfriends. As good looking as she is, I'm going to turn her down. The point is, I'd rather be alone then to go with just any girl. She needs to be my type; one I can respect, not an air head. Beggars can be choosers, oh wait, I'm not even a beggar. Still, the point is I really am in no rush to get a girlfriend. I'll admit I do get lonely and may want one one day but I am in no rush at all. Everything has a strength and weakness.


How is she an airhead? Or does she have a "reputation" where you work?


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lyricalillusions
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19 Nov 2009, 9:00 am

I never started wanting to be in a relationship until I was maybe a junior or senior in highschool. That was considered very abnormal because everyone I knew started "dating" years before that. That was 10 years ago, though, & I still have yet to be in one :oops: :roll: as a result of my people-phobic ways.


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Homer_Bob
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19 Nov 2009, 9:29 am

PlatedDrake wrote:
Homer_Bob wrote:
I'm 21 and counting, no girls to report, gwhahahaha. Nevertheless, I am starting to get use to my solitude, I'm a lone wolf and that's who I am. Strangely enough, a girl I've met is starting to flirt with me at my job(not the ideal place in my opinion) wondering how a guy as nice as me never had any girlfriends. As good looking as she is, I'm going to turn her down. The point is, I'd rather be alone then to go with just any girl. She needs to be my type; one I can respect, not an air head. Beggars can be choosers, oh wait, I'm not even a beggar. Still, the point is I really am in no rush to get a girlfriend. I'll admit I do get lonely and may want one one day but I am in no rush at all. Everything has a strength and weakness.


How is she an airhead? Or does she have a "reputation" where you work?

She is never serious with me and she keeps flirting with me in a comic like way. I don't really know, it's just a hunch of mine. I won't lie and say I'm not judgmental because I can be. I just have huge trusting issues. I prefer someone more serious and straight up I suppose.



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20 Nov 2009, 8:53 am

I started wanting to have a gf back in 8th grade (age 14). I got really depressed from not dating.
Now that I have dated some (very little, but still), I would like to have a gf, but I'm not depressed by not having a gf anymore. I'm in my early 30's now.
I am picky about who I would date. I did learn its much better to be alone than to be with the wrong person.



Shebakoby
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24 Nov 2009, 1:48 pm

I did not care at all in my teens. Of course, that probably had a lot to do with the fact that I didn't get along with guys, and thus didn't like any of them. Nor did they like me.



JVDifferent
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25 Nov 2009, 7:56 pm

I really didn't care- in fact, I still rather don't care for any emotionally significant relationships. The whole idea is kind of terrifying for me. I would really love to learn about sex though because I think it's a vital part of the human experience.

Though in high school (private girls-only school, that is), my disinterest in dating got misinterpreted as disinterest in guys, so everyone thought I was a lesbian. Which turned out to be totally false- I like my girls and my guys. :)



aleclair
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26 Nov 2009, 1:22 am

Throughout high school, the idea of friendship was alien and unquantifiable enough - so the idea of relationships was a curiosity at best: I knew it existed, but I also knew that it was way beyond my means and abilities (it still is, but different story). I think if there was any increase in interest in the idea of a relationship, it came from the demystification of the mechanisms and rules of friendship in the last semester of high school and first semester of college, and the subsequent myths I debunked about friendship.

Currently, many of my friends have girlfriends or boyfriends. It's not the majority, but it's enough to start seeing absence of a relationship as a problem and not a benefit. Of course, the counterexample to posing the problem in those terms is glaring: seeing not being in a relationship as a "problem" is purely a function of culture. But still, you realize that being able to do relationships is part of the experience of normal people at this age. It's quite depressing - using the term in the conversational and not the clinical definition - to see your friends get lost in relationships and forget that you are right next to them (this happened recently). That's the extent to which I care.



DemonAbyss10
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26 Nov 2009, 2:23 am

didnt really care up till around a year or two ago. Now yeah, the emotion part has caught up to the hormonal part, i can definately say that. And being socially alone (yeah i have family, but fell out of touch with friends.) being socially along gets me even further set on the spiral of pessimism and thinking myself to death. What can i do? I dont work anymore, I cant afford to go out. I dont drive, and im in the middle of the boonies where there is no such thing as publlic transportation, and i live with my mother who does nothing but sleep all day. What makes it more depressing is that I am 21 and my disability check is what is paying the bills (least pennsylvania is cheap to live in, and you can get a monthly check from SSI if you have aspergers/autism


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Meta
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26 Nov 2009, 3:36 am

I'm 35 at the moment and I still don't really care about getting a gf.

In fact I still think sex is is rather ikky and I imagine rather smelly? And the whole sharing the bed all and every night that people do still does not make any sense to me: How can they possible get any sleep that way? Maybe if the bed was 3 meters wide, but its often not even as wide as 2 single beds side by side?

I have a nephew (a few yrs older) who has AS and a wife and children. They bought both sides of a semidetached, he has his place on one side, his NT wife with the children on the other side. There is a shared passage between the houses. They are quite happy now.

It seems that more NT/ASS couples come to a similar arrangement, a famous example might be Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter.

Such an arrangement makes a lot more sense to me that what is considered "normal"; I really can't imagine living with someone.

I do understand the appeal of having someone to fall back on when you need help. I would like to have a personal assistant who would filter, translate and organize the world for me. A gf/wife might be a good choice for this role because of the implicit trust required?



SpiritBlooms
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26 Nov 2009, 2:33 pm

I didn't care about getting a boyfriend. I did care about finding a life mate, a distinctly non-temporary, committed relationship. That started when I was about 19, but I really wasn't interested in dating a lot of people even then. I knew that I was so bad at getting close to people, that I wanted to find a lifelong companion I could count on and be there for as well. It took a while, and I just about gave up before it ever happened. Along the way there were crushes, and dates, and a lot of nonsense -- some of it mine, some of it theirs. Even some competition with other girls -- friends of mine. Broken hearts, oh yes! At a certain age, finding a mate became a huge distraction for me, too -- from school (college), work. Hormones, I guess. I've also always been a serious romantic, so that was important to me, those feelings of romance, even pining for someone. (The physical side of it, not so much.)

That was the most social time of my life, from about 18 to 27 (I married at 27), and I think it was only hormones and that drive for a mate that enabled me to be so social. But that burst of sociability for nine or so years helped me find work that I liked, too. I felt a little more settled in life after that period had passed -- though there were still problems of course. I call it a burst of sociability, now, but I'm sure others didn't consider me so sociable, even then. ;) It was also always a kind of anxious drive on my part. I was not in my comfort zone at all.

I find, looking back, that crushes were completely different than a long term relationship. I suspect, now that I have so much interest in Jung, that all the crushes I had were just animus projections. What I finally found in a long term mate was true, deep friendship, trust, and a fair amount of understanding. (Though we still don't always understand each other, or communicate very well.)

Crushes were, overall, more of a distraction, when I went through them without awareness -- and they were always upsetting. Now I'm coming to understand them better -- having had a few crushes as an older, married woman. I can get somewhat obsessed about someone, but then come to a point where I kind of step back, study and observe my obsession, to figure out what reflection of my inner self they represent. That has provided me a leap in self understanding.



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26 Nov 2009, 8:49 pm

I didn't really care until i transfered to Penn State main campus. At the branch campus and in high school, there were few girls and few clubs to meet girls with common interest.



Daniella
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27 Nov 2009, 6:53 am

I actually cared before that and stopped caring after my 18th, since I had experienced a few relationships and I'd rather do without for now.



outlier
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28 Nov 2009, 2:48 pm

Dating didn't even occur to me until people started taking me out in my twenties. It's only in my thirties that I occasionally experience the desire to actually date. However, I now have zero social life and am more disabled, so it's not happening.



jc6chan
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28 Nov 2009, 4:48 pm

I'm 19 and I still don't care to get a gf



ElysianDream
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30 Nov 2009, 4:52 am

Meta wrote:
I'm 35 at the moment and I still don't really care about getting a gf.

In fact I still think sex is is rather ikky and I imagine rather smelly? And the whole sharing the bed all and every night that people do still does not make any sense to me: How can they possible get any sleep that way? Maybe if the bed was 3 meters wide, but its often not even as wide as 2 single beds side by side?

I have a nephew (a few yrs older) who has AS and a wife and children. They bought both sides of a semidetached, he has his place on one side, his NT wife with the children on the other side. There is a shared passage between the houses. They are quite happy now.

It seems that more NT/ASS couples come to a similar arrangement, a famous example might be Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter.

Such an arrangement makes a lot more sense to me that what is considered "normal"; I really can't imagine living with someone.

I do understand the appeal of having someone to fall back on when you need help. I would like to have a personal assistant who would filter, translate and organize the world for me. A gf/wife might be a good choice for this role because of the implicit trust required?



I think we're just a very private/independent individuals who may want that intimacy/closeness but also need our own space.

The sharing the bed thing is interesting and often true. While the idea of sex and having that intimacy appeals to me, the idea of actually sleeping does not. Of course that may change (since I've no experience) but possible problems like snoring, kicking you, hogging the blanket, and just, I don't know, invading your personal space (as ironic as that sounds) makes me a little uncomfortable.

I guess I'm like that. While I do want a gf I (maybe selfishly) don't want to lose any of my independence or feel someone is clinging onto to me.



Last edited by ElysianDream on 30 Nov 2009, 4:59 am, edited 1 time in total.