How many didn't really care about getting a bf/gf 'til 18+?

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biostructure
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09 Dec 2009, 9:06 pm

Huh, why was that post above deleted?



nansnick
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10 Dec 2009, 10:00 am

biostructure wrote:
Huh, why was that post above deleted?


I deleted it myself. Wrote it before my morning coffee, it didn't make sense. :coffee:


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ManFromNowhere
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10 Dec 2009, 1:24 pm

I never really cared about getting a gf for a long time. I figured it was something that would happen in time but then high school came and went w/ no gf, then college came. It wasn't till my last year of college that I had my first date w/ the only person I have ever had any emotional attachment to. (not using a hyperbole here) Eventually we went our separate ways and now 10 years later I am once again alone. At this point I have accepted that it is my lot in life. I would love to have a kind, caring gf, but I am not emotionally or physically attracted to anyone.



biostructure
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11 Dec 2009, 2:30 am

nansnick wrote:
biostructure wrote:
Huh, why was that post above deleted?


I deleted it myself. Wrote it before my morning coffee, it didn't make sense. :coffee:


Well, I was really looking for an answer, because it seemed you had stumbled upon something important. I totally don't get why people have to overcomplicate relationships so much. Why not just hang out every once in a while, touch each other in ways that make each others' bodies feel good, and just be straightforward?



nansnick
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11 Dec 2009, 10:02 am

biostructure wrote:
nansnick wrote:
biostructure wrote:
Huh, why was that post above deleted?


I deleted it myself. Wrote it before my morning coffee, it didn't make sense. :coffee:


Well, I was really looking for an answer, because it seemed you had stumbled upon something important. I totally don't get why people have to over complicate relationships so much. Why not just hang out every once in a while, touch each other in ways that make each others' bodies feel good, and just be straightforward?


Hurrah for hippy love! Why can't we all just get along? I definitely agree with you, there, biostructure :)

For me it's more once I saw it it was there, everywhere, and it couldn't be turned off. The whole world has been infused with strata and spectrum.

It becomes political, religious. Especially if you don't fit the norms. Some people can navigate with grace, others not so much.

For myself it feels conflated because something in me dualizes or separates everything into different channels. Its information overload to have intonation, spoken language, body language and whatever else all going at once. But it is my brain that has difficulty with that, not the other peoples channel stream.

Though, it would be more helpful if people said what they meant. And didn't try to manipulate, cheat and steal.

Three cheers for a more open and accepting society!! !


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MathGirl
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13 Dec 2009, 8:26 pm

I'm almost 19 and still don't want to have a bf/gf. I still don't know what my sexual orientation is. I just want to be alone as much as possible... being away from any human contact, with the exception of the AS/special interest groups I attend, is how I feel the happiest.


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Butcher
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14 Dec 2009, 6:29 am

I didn't really go on a first real date until I was 30. I'm still conflicted over it.



Seanmw
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17 Dec 2009, 12:07 am

Idk, i've actually liked girls sexually since i was like 10-11. I guess i was what was called an "early bloomer"?
Then i discovered what i could do with my right hand around age 12.
Never really dated until i was like 17 though. & only if you could technically have called that a date since she just invited me to go bowling alone with her even though she hardly knew me. & i was kinda creeped out by that.

& since then i've had another one or two dates prolly.
& now finally i'm going out with a wonderful aspie girl in Indiana :D


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billsmithglendale
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17 Dec 2009, 5:14 pm

I've seen this thread for a while now, and stayed quiet because what is described isn't me, and I wanted to make sure other people who agreed with the OP had a chance to ring on. Now I'd like to chime in with my POV to represent the folks here for whom this isn't true --

Ever since I knew about sex, I wanted to have it. It's been a major, maybe THE major, fascination and interest in my life. As a teen, there was nothing I wanted more than to have a GF or sexual partner. When, at the age of 17, I finally found a girlfriend, someone who was as into sex as I was (which was literally us copulating twice daily), I was in heaven.

It wasn't the solution to all of my problems -- more problems come with a relationship and a sex life, but it certainly boosted my self-confidence by about 1000%, and made me feel like a real person, finally. It felt good that even though I might be a nobody at my high school, and even though I might not have had a lot of friends, I was probably having more sex than most people there, and I at least had a GF, which most guys didn't at that age.

So for anyone who feels like I do, rest assured that it probably is more a function of hormones than Aspergers. And for those that don't, I would either blame hormones or depression on the lack of interest. I can see how negative feedback could lead you to associate too much pain with chasing that goal.



FreeSpirit2000
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21 Jan 2010, 10:11 pm

Honestly I only really cared in 5th grade and middle school, didn't give a darn in high school and now I am in college, I am interested in getting a g/f, and I am open to NT's only. Because I had someone who had a crush in me in one of my classes and definitely sounded like an Aspie, but i got really turned off by her personality, the way she looked and dressed too. I prefer NTs with a nice personality and who is beautiful both inside and on the outside.



JP88
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22 Jan 2010, 11:15 pm

I'm 18 right now and I never had a gf...well never even a friend that's a girl (I know that seems pathetic but it's true)...I cared in middle school b/c everyone did...in high school, I didn't really care but I would really feel upset seeing couples kiss or laugh in the halls or people having fun. I was pretty miserable in HS and last year a couple teacher noticed it and it really made me feel ashamed. I don't really care about getting a gf...just care about making friends with girls as well people in general and hopefully I find a girl down the road that will be my best friend that I can be with forever.



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08 Feb 2010, 1:23 am

I cared a lot about it from 15 to 21 until I lost my v-card to a pro.

At this point I really don't care much about it and it bothers me to see people get so upset about since I used to be the same way.



feaghal
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08 Feb 2010, 1:47 pm

i just recently became interested...but before and still, i see no point...but hormones are insistent...


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Descartes30
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10 Feb 2010, 3:53 am

It is highly interesting to me to read all of these responses. I seem to be very different from a lot of Aspies in this regard, and of course I was different from NT's at the time as well. But I immediately and continually wanted to have a girlfriend from the point that I stepped into Kindergarten and still now in my 30s.

There was never a point since I was about 5 years old that I didn't have my dreams filled with my heroic rescue of that special girl that I spent time in class with or worked with or however I had met her, or thinking of her many years after she was gone. It's just part of me that is always there. It's strange though, because I have no use for blood ties or other men for friendship or pets or anything else. It seems that the entire structure of my emotions are focused upon romantic feelings towards women. It may be "unhealthy" to some, and certainly "weird" to most, but it is just who I am.

Sorry, I don't fit in with the structure of the thread, but I wanted to give a counterpoint in case anyone else reading this was also different.


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Gremmie
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10 Feb 2010, 4:52 am

I've never cared that much and still don't to be honest. I have a boyfriend, I like my boyfriend a lot, but if we broke up I doubt I'd be on the look out for another one. If I happened to meet someone I liked and who liked me then that's all good but I've still not got to the point where I'd actively look for someone. I've only had one other experience of being with a guy and I guess that just taught me that I'd rather just be me and be single than be with someone that's not quite right for me.



bombergal
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10 Feb 2010, 11:43 am

I lost my virginity at 18 and THOUGHT that I had a bf but he never called me again after that, he was just looking for a booty call and unfortunately for me he got it. A month later I had a real relationship with someone from music school and he dumped me also and that one hurt the most out of any relationship I had because I was truly in love (maybe obsessed also) with him. I told him about my condition right off the bat because I felt safe with him because he was a very sympathetic and warm person.

However, things turned ugly between us friendshipwise in about 2nd year when we were broken up after a year already because he blocked his phone number and he avoided me at every turn (of course, I took that as him being too shy to talk to me and he was resisting his own urges to be with me). It continued for the next 3 years and I'm sure he never wants to see me again...we didn't really have a strong friendship to begin with and we got romantic far too early with nowhere to go.

He was my first love for sure and I thought that something would work out and wanted to be with him throughout university as we were both piano players and had a lot in common (being outcasts, etc and being very smart people). I am now with someone of the same name and we've been going on and off for about the last 10 years and I love him more but am afraid of marriage honestly because he's bipolar and goes into manic phases every now and then that can get downright scary yet he's a wonderful person. I know he feels the same about me: that I'm a wonderful person despite my Asperger's but have so many social flaws that are hard to deal with sometimes.