new here, recently discovered Asperger's syndrome...if fits!

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AV-geek
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15 Feb 2006, 8:27 pm

I found out about Asperger's syndome after one of my customers mentioned it a few months ago. After researching it more, I realized that I fit the mold perfectly. I have not however, ever been professionally diagnosed. I am looking to have this done, and I am also looking to see what resources are avaliable for assistance. I don't believe A.S. is a disabity however, but a totally different way of thinking than the usual. The problem I've had however is conversing with other "normal" people in the world.

I'll tell you a little about my childhood. I grew up before anybody even knew was A.S. was. I was always the bully magnet in the school, being a small person, very shy, and not really engaging in as much childhood activities as the others my age did. I didn't play sports, hated them, and was not good at them anyways. I didn't make very many friends in elementary and middle school...didn't talk much, and I just didn't know how to handle myself around others. As a child, and still am, my mind was always busy, daydreaming, and thinking to myself. I wasn't thinking about typical daydreaming stuff though like being a superhero or a sports athlete, I was engineering things in my mind, from machines, automobiles, buildings, etc. Of course, so I wouldn't loose the information I had dreamed up, I would sketch them out, and I ended up become quite a good technical drawer. Everyone thought it was odd however the highly technical drawings I had created as young as 10 years old, from geometrically correct floorplans, to underhood layouts for automobiles that had everything a functioning automobile needed to operate.

If someone asked me how I got to school, I would not tell them "a school bus" I would tell them, a "A 55 passenger Carpenter coachworks bus on an International Loadstar 1700 chassis powered by a DT466 engine" I am highly observant and pick up the most subtle nuances in just about everything. Over the years, I have had a variety of obsessions, some have come and gone, while others have stuck around. They range from vacuum cleaners, HVAC equipment, elevators, automobiles, hammond organs, even undergarments...although I have very little interest in outer clothing. My goal with most of my infactuations is looking for logical patterns, like the fact that older homes frequently have hot water heating.

For my entire life, I 've always rolled small objects through my fingers, like a pen/pencil, eraser, screws, or the ends of my shoestrings...practically anything that will fit in my hands. Although I generally get along with anybody who doesn't cross my path, I' have a streak passive-agressive tendancies for people who don't "follow the rules" of logical manners, like butting in a line, or throwing trash on my lawn. I have noticed, especially lately that I am NOT a multitasker. Talking on the phone and driving is impossible, or even attempting to listen to the radio/music while performing any other task. I don't like noisey, chaotic situations very much. Light glare even disturbs me frequently, especially when it's in my peripheral vision. Oddy enough, I enjoy listening to music very much so, but only when I can devote my entire mind to it, and concentrate on it

I always had considerable anxiety in school around other students, especially when it came to gym class, or any sort of group activity. One of the things I noticed about other boys my age is that they possesed this innate desire to be competitive with others, as if trying to prove themselves. I was looked upon as weak, because I would not engage in their "competitions" whatever it was. I instead chose to put effort not into trying to "defeat" others, but to defeat societal problems and hardships...for instance, relieving traffic problems, or heating a home with less energy, or simply build something that is even more enjoyable. For this reason, I found myself enjoying theater work in school much more enjoyable. I was able to channel my energy into set design, and create special effects, lighting, sound and other neat stuff that helped tell the stories on stage.

My apperance has always been of my own design. I don't follow the fads and trends of the world, and I find some of the odd rules governing clothing an apearance to be rather odd and without logic. I have long hair, and an earring, two elements that are not considered "normal" for a male to have, but I believe I look better with them. I also cannot fathom what the heck a necktie is used for, and why it is so important to wear one. I choose clothing for function and comfort, not appeance, which drives my mother crazy!

I am a brutally honest person, and sometimes too much. My job, which originally started out as designing and building audiovisual systems is now involving a considerable amount of customer contact as I now must speak with the individuals that are actually going to use the equipment I am desiging. I have had to work on my eye-contact, no matter how uncomfortable it is, because many normal people think loss of eye contact means I 'm ignoring them. Still, I've had a few people say that I act like I'm "out of touch" with them, but I remarkably design systems that fit their needs perfectly. I've had other tell me that I am too "abrupt" with people too. Despite the customer interaction issues, I have been quite succesful at my job due to my relentless desire to get things "perfect" My sensory precieption skills have also aided me, as I am able to pick out a slight distortion in a sound, or a change in picture quality issues that are inpercieptable to most people.

At the age of 31, I am still single, and am sort of getting tired of being single. I enjoy children, and desire to have a wife and kids of my own. I want someone to enjoy my hobbies with and enjoy life with. I can't stand the bar scene, and I'm particularly shy at parties and other places filled with unknown people. It's hard for me to tell if a woman is interested in me anyways, so when I make a connection with one, it's usually a pretty remarkable and rare thing. The problem is that the relationship doesn't last. My problem is that a relationship typically lasts only about 1 or 2 dates before the connection is broken. I don't get any "not interested anymore" just a break in communications. My phone calls aren't answered, E-mails not returned, etc. Maybe women find it rude to tell someone that they are not interested or that they don't like some things I am doing. I find it rude that they DON'T, because I don't know what offended them, and what I did wrong. I want to improve my interaction not just with females for personal relationships, but all humans in all areas...people never look me up unless they need me tho repair their stereo, or fix their car or something. I want people to look me up to have fun and just spend time with me.


My favorite, and well fitting song right now..."I walk Alone" by Green Day!

Okay, enough of all this insane amount rambling on...I imagine that's plenty of info to prove my A. S. right there!



Last edited by AV-geek on 18 Feb 2006, 4:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MsTriste
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15 Feb 2006, 8:43 pm

Welcome - you've found the right planet!

I too am very honest, and it causes problems.



ZedSimon
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15 Feb 2006, 9:09 pm

Hey, as an AV geek myself, it's a pleasure to welcome you. You brought up quite a few points of interest. Bear with me here as I go all Ginsu on your original post:

AV-geek wrote:
I don't believe A.S. is a disabity however, but a totally different way of thinking than the usual.

I wish more people thought of it that way. I've always thought of it as a gift in some areas (recall, observation skills), but a detriment in others (social).

AV-geek wrote:
I'll tell you a little about my childhood. I grew up before anybody even knew was A.S. was. I was always the bully magnet in the school, being a small person, very shy, and not really engaging in as much childhood activities as the others my age did. I didn't play sports, hated them, and was not good at them anyways. I didn't make very many friends in elementary and middle school...didn't talk much, and I just didn't know how to handle myself around others. As a child, and still am, my mind was always busy, daydreaming, and thinking to myself.

Except for being small, you were almost a carbon copy of me. The time I spent in public school was particular hell. The private high school I went to was MUCH better for me.

AV-geek wrote:
I am highly observant and pick up the most subtle nuances in just about everything.
See "gift," above. It comes in handy with my part-time TV job, but I can drive people nuts over little things I see. And I had an obsession with vacuum cleaners too. What are the odds?

On "single": I kinda like it. Sure, it gets lonely sometimes, but after one relationship that almost blossomed, I've convinced myself that a nice circle of readily available friends is all I need to be happy. I think I'm a little too independent to get caught up in a full-time thing. Plus, I'm not exactly jiggy wit the cuddling and hand-holding required for most relationships.

AV-geek wrote:
I want people to look me up to have fun and just spend time with me.
I may take you up on that...online, anyway. Hope you'll do the same, and that you enjoy your trek across this great Planet!

-Your Kindred Zed



Laz
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15 Feb 2006, 9:18 pm

Won't rush to congratulate you straight away. What I will say is if the diagnosis will bring disclosure to you fair enough its worth pursueing. But bear in mind that you are about to recieve a medical label if you go through with this process and the label can cause you to encounter discrimination, ignorance etc you need to really bear in mind is this really going to be beneficial to you at the age of 31.

Also while i don't mean to be cold shouldered to self diagnosed i would say be prepared that if you go through with assessment you may come out the other end with a differnt diagnosis. I am alittle skepitcal of self diagnosis so i should always warn people not to go in expecting to be redeemed and build up any false hopes etc.

If you do end up with the diagnosis in the end i hope your able to use the moment to begin to turn around the life you've had before of misunderstanding and frustration and be able to head in a more positive direction.

Either way im sure the WP crew will be supportive, providing you don't talk politics :lol:



oatwillie
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15 Feb 2006, 9:32 pm

While reading your bio, I thought to myself, "wow, it all sounds pretty normal to me". I then thought of the irony in that statement, being as asapie, myself. From gym class, detailed mechanical sketches to mode of dress and frustration with rule-breakers; there are plenty of touchstones to the commonality of AS.

Welcome!


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AV-geek
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15 Feb 2006, 10:09 pm

My response to the rule-breaking thing is quite interesting to study in my mind really. When it comes to rules that have a logical, easy to understand common reason, like traffic laws, and such, they are easy to follow, and I understand them. For instance, you stop at a stop sign so that you won't collide with crossing traffic. You clean up your dog's poo because someone else doesn't want to step in it, and it pollutes the environment. Ediquitte rules and other sort of illogical rules however I tend to break rather frequently, primaryily because I cannot understand their logic. For instance, why do men take off their hats in a building, but women don't. Sometimes "rule breaking" ends up creating amazing breakthroughs in engineering and science. It's sometimes called "Thinking outside the box" I always ignored the "DO NOT REMOVE COVER, NO SERVICEABLE PARTS INSIDE" stickers on electronics. Because of that, I have learned how they work, and it's led to a lucrative career! Of course when it comes to more large-scale endeavours, I have broken some "rules" before too, like routing digital audio through a video switcher. Everybody said it couldn't be done and it wouldn't work...even the manufacturer of the video switcher. When I demonstrated that it would work, and it saved a customer close to $5000, I was a hero for "breaking a rule"!



AV-geek
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15 Feb 2006, 10:17 pm

Thanks for the replies all of you all. I'll definitely keep in communication here.

Quote:
I may take you up on that...online, anyway. Hope you'll do the same, and that you enjoy your trek across this great Planet!


Although I'm pretty shy verbally, there's just something about the written word that I just work better with.



Good point Laz:
Quote:
But bear in mind that you are about to recieve a medical label if you go through with this process and the label can cause you to encounter discrimination, ignorance etc you need to really bear in mind is this really going to be beneficial to you at the age of 31.


I am hoping however that maybe it will open up some avenues for some social training maybe, or at least allow me to connect with other apies, or folks that are aware of the condition and won't be so judgemental once they are aware of the situation. Unfortuatley, AS is not commonly known about. Telling people about an unknown mental disorder could compound my problems![/quote]