I found out about Asperger's syndome after one of my customers mentioned it a few months ago. After researching it more, I realized that I fit the mold perfectly. I have not however, ever been professionally diagnosed. I am looking to have this done, and I am also looking to see what resources are avaliable for assistance. I don't believe A.S. is a disabity however, but a totally different way of thinking than the usual. The problem I've had however is conversing with other "normal" people in the world.
I'll tell you a little about my childhood. I grew up before anybody even knew was A.S. was. I was always the bully magnet in the school, being a small person, very shy, and not really engaging in as much childhood activities as the others my age did. I didn't play sports, hated them, and was not good at them anyways. I didn't make very many friends in elementary and middle school...didn't talk much, and I just didn't know how to handle myself around others. As a child, and still am, my mind was always busy, daydreaming, and thinking to myself. I wasn't thinking about typical daydreaming stuff though like being a superhero or a sports athlete, I was engineering things in my mind, from machines, automobiles, buildings, etc. Of course, so I wouldn't loose the information I had dreamed up, I would sketch them out, and I ended up become quite a good technical drawer. Everyone thought it was odd however the highly technical drawings I had created as young as 10 years old, from geometrically correct floorplans, to underhood layouts for automobiles that had everything a functioning automobile needed to operate.
If someone asked me how I got to school, I would not tell them "a school bus" I would tell them, a "A 55 passenger Carpenter coachworks bus on an International Loadstar 1700 chassis powered by a DT466 engine" I am highly observant and pick up the most subtle nuances in just about everything. Over the years, I have had a variety of obsessions, some have come and gone, while others have stuck around. They range from vacuum cleaners, HVAC equipment, elevators, automobiles, hammond organs, even undergarments...although I have very little interest in outer clothing. My goal with most of my infactuations is looking for logical patterns, like the fact that older homes frequently have hot water heating.
For my entire life, I 've always rolled small objects through my fingers, like a pen/pencil, eraser, screws, or the ends of my shoestrings...practically anything that will fit in my hands. Although I generally get along with anybody who doesn't cross my path, I' have a streak passive-agressive tendancies for people who don't "follow the rules" of logical manners, like butting in a line, or throwing trash on my lawn. I have noticed, especially lately that I am NOT a multitasker. Talking on the phone and driving is impossible, or even attempting to listen to the radio/music while performing any other task. I don't like noisey, chaotic situations very much. Light glare even disturbs me frequently, especially when it's in my peripheral vision. Oddy enough, I enjoy listening to music very much so, but only when I can devote my entire mind to it, and concentrate on it
I always had considerable anxiety in school around other students, especially when it came to gym class, or any sort of group activity. One of the things I noticed about other boys my age is that they possesed this innate desire to be competitive with others, as if trying to prove themselves. I was looked upon as weak, because I would not engage in their "competitions" whatever it was. I instead chose to put effort not into trying to "defeat" others, but to defeat societal problems and hardships...for instance, relieving traffic problems, or heating a home with less energy, or simply build something that is even more enjoyable. For this reason, I found myself enjoying theater work in school much more enjoyable. I was able to channel my energy into set design, and create special effects, lighting, sound and other neat stuff that helped tell the stories on stage.
My apperance has always been of my own design. I don't follow the fads and trends of the world, and I find some of the odd rules governing clothing an apearance to be rather odd and without logic. I have long hair, and an earring, two elements that are not considered "normal" for a male to have, but I believe I look better with them. I also cannot fathom what the heck a necktie is used for, and why it is so important to wear one. I choose clothing for function and comfort, not appeance, which drives my mother crazy!
I am a brutally honest person, and sometimes too much. My job, which originally started out as designing and building audiovisual systems is now involving a considerable amount of customer contact as I now must speak with the individuals that are actually going to use the equipment I am desiging. I have had to work on my eye-contact, no matter how uncomfortable it is, because many normal people think loss of eye contact means I 'm ignoring them. Still, I've had a few people say that I act like I'm "out of touch" with them, but I remarkably design systems that fit their needs perfectly. I've had other tell me that I am too "abrupt" with people too. Despite the customer interaction issues, I have been quite succesful at my job due to my relentless desire to get things "perfect" My sensory precieption skills have also aided me, as I am able to pick out a slight distortion in a sound, or a change in picture quality issues that are inpercieptable to most people.
At the age of 31, I am still single, and am sort of getting tired of being single. I enjoy children, and desire to have a wife and kids of my own. I want someone to enjoy my hobbies with and enjoy life with. I can't stand the bar scene, and I'm particularly shy at parties and other places filled with unknown people. It's hard for me to tell if a woman is interested in me anyways, so when I make a connection with one, it's usually a pretty remarkable and rare thing. The problem is that the relationship doesn't last. My problem is that a relationship typically lasts only about 1 or 2 dates before the connection is broken. I don't get any "not interested anymore" just a break in communications. My phone calls aren't answered, E-mails not returned, etc. Maybe women find it rude to tell someone that they are not interested or that they don't like some things I am doing. I find it rude that they DON'T, because I don't know what offended them, and what I did wrong. I want to improve my interaction not just with females for personal relationships, but all humans in all areas...people never look me up unless they need me tho repair their stereo, or fix their car or something. I want people to look me up to have fun and just spend time with me.
My favorite, and well fitting song right now..."I walk Alone" by Green Day!
Okay, enough of all this insane amount rambling on...I imagine that's plenty of info to prove my A. S. right there!
Last edited by AV-geek on 18 Feb 2006, 4:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
15 Feb 2006, 8:27 pm
