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Spazzergasm
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03 Dec 2009, 3:15 pm

i had this friend like that. she was my best friend but she started gettign embarassed of hanging with me. i realised she is on a social ladder, and i was one of the first steps. we still hang out occasionally, when there's no one else to hang with. i was so heartbroken when we were no longer best friends, but i'm over it now. i think i can safely "use" her in the same way she does me. is this what NT friendships consist of?



iquanyin
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03 Dec 2009, 7:32 pm

sometimes outward stuff is enough for ppl to call it friendship. i feel there has to be a true affinity to give that name.



zer0netgain
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04 Dec 2009, 4:45 am

My 2 cents.


NTs generally associate friendship as a resource to exploit. That's not totally bad as you would do anything for a good friend, why not ask for their help in times of need. However, I think the NT culture encourages the formation of relationships out of what one might exploit from it rather than just the sake of having the relationship. Hence why "true" friends are few and far between.



TheHaywire
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04 Dec 2009, 7:23 am

I get used as the jester. It's really annoying. My true friends will sit down with me and we can have real conversations without them exploiting me for amusement.



tcorrielus
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18 Dec 2009, 3:19 pm

ColaInflux wrote:
hell, i thought I had the best friends in the word, Untill they never invited me to their own birthdays.


SAME HERE......I kept doing silly things (rapping, singing, and dancing) in high school just to became friends with my peers. They enjoyed the entertainment, started liking me, and encouraged me to do more. As I continued to do so however, no one would bother inviting me out to their house, parties, movies, etc. They also wouldn't bother coming to my house. Worse of all, I could never get a girlfriend or go on a date. I was both infuriated and confused.

I went to school counselors and told them about this problem, and they told to STOP entertaining people who refused to be my friends and offer me anything in return. They claimed that they were using me, and I believed they were right. I decided not to do crazy s**t for people who refused to befriend and be reciprocal with me.



mikep8ntballer
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10 Jan 2010, 5:46 pm

in high school i was very social with many friends but my problem was i was the jerk you all had but it was toward my own GF who has Aspergers which i just recently found out but i didnt use or exploit her i just neglected her which i think was way worse. but she has friends who treat her like crap and use her but i have noticed since we are together again she doesnt put up with as much crap as she did in the past, which is good but her "friends" dont like me because i was a jerk to her but they do the same if not worse than me and it drives me crazy that hey are so hipocritical, and my friends for the most part like her and think she is a lot of fun. however when we go out and her friends are there they still try to use her and it really irritates me altough they dont know about her Aspergers but she is getting better so its good for the most part.



Salonfilosoof
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11 Jan 2010, 8:32 am

The petty nature of your average NT person is wonderfully explained by the film "Dogville". It explains that without drawing a few clear lines people will walk all over you much like a dog will disobey your orders if he believes he can get away with it (hence the title of the film).



Michhsta
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11 Jan 2010, 3:46 pm

People are strange.......so I throw up my hands, concede defeat and go back to my knitting......

Oh and avoid everyone like the plague.

I figure if they really love me, they will leave me alone.

Live and let live, I say.

And yes to the OP, I have had people use to me to the pint of burnout. I just thought that it required such hard work. And I continue to make the same mistake over and over. At 36, I tend to nip unhealthy behaviour a bit earlier now and it is usually when my therapist points it out that I go "Oh okay. Thats why I felt really uncomfortable".

I think it has a lot to do with trust of self as well. My instincts are pretty good, but I don't listen to them because I never really know what they are reacting to. So now, if there is "discord" of any sort, I spend a fare bit of time trying to get to the source of it. And then act on it if I can. Yep, its hard and I don't like most people. It takes a really special person to get my attention.

Mics


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