Ten Things I Don't Get About NTs, Please Explain

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I've compiled a list of things I don't get about normal people. Maybe someone can explain them in a language I can understand.

1. I'm from South Dakota. When I travel, people ask me if I'm from Minnesota. This is annoying, because I'm not from Minnesota, I'm from South Dakota. Even though I live 15 1/2 miles from the Minnesota boundary, I get asked if I'm from Minnesota. Why? It annoys me.

2. When people tell other people where they're from, how large does the municipality need to be before people will admit to being from it? My family lives in Clear Lake, SD. They tell everyone else they're from Watertown, SD. They're not from Watertown, they're from Clear Lake. I have cousins from Colorado that do the same thing. They live in Brighton, CO, but they tell everyone they're from Denver. They're not from Denver, they're from Brighton! When I ask them about it, they get annoyed.

3. When NTs ask what time it is, why do they get bent out of shape if the current time doesn't end in 0 or 5? If it's 11:57, why do I need to tell them it's 11:55 or 12:00? It's easier to read my watch instead of thinking "OK, It's 11:57, that's 2 minutes away from 11:55 but 3 minutes away from 12:00, so I'll have to tell this person it's 11:55." That's a lot of work!

4. On the issue of dating. NT advice: "If you need a girlfriend, that's a turn off to women." This makes zero sense! If we didn't need women, we would never ask them on a date. If we didn't need women, nobody would ever get married because nobody ever asked anyone on a date. The species wouldn't propagate. We wouldn't be having this discussion.

5. More NT dating advice that makes zero sense: "You need to be happy being single before you can be happy with someone else." This is circular logic. Observe the circular logic, "Why are you unhappy", "I don't have a girlfriend.", "Why don't you have a girlfriend?", "Because I'm unhappy.", "Why are you unhappy?", "Because I don't have a girlfriend.", "Why don't you have a girlfriend?", "Because I'm unhappy.", "Why are you unhappy?", "Because I don't have a girlfriend." This could go on forever.

6. In the NT world, why is the action acceptable but the reaction unacceptable? I'm talking about bullies vs. school shooters. If the school shooter didn't kill himself, he would most likely spend life in prison. If it's against the law to shoot people at school, then why isn't the cause "bullying" also illegal?

7. Why are certain fanaticisms acceptable but others aren't? My brother is far more fanatic about sports than I am of my own interests, but somehow my interests are odd. The difference is, when he watches the game on TV, he screams as loud as he possibly can. I don't know what this is supposed to accomplish. Somehow, my brother screaming in front of a TV that's 188 miles away from the stadium will help his team win? This doesn't make sense, because I don't scream "woo-hoo" as loud as I can while pursuing my own interests.

8. People who say "You don't get it." They can tell me I don't get it, but they always get upset when I ask them to define the "it". If they can tell me I don't get it, then they should be able to define the "it" that I don't get, but they can't.

9. I admit, I'm ashamed to ask this one, but I'm going to ask it anyway. When NTs go to the lake, and they want to go swimming, but they didn't bring a swimsuit, why do they take their socks off but leave everything else on? If you're going to jump in the lake fully clothed, why is it so important to remove one's socks? I get screamed at for frequent violations of this NT rule, yet no one can explain the logic to me.

10. What makes some music cool, and other music uncool? I do understand that, if it's on my iPod, it's not cool music. My brother told me I listen to women's music. How does one know if it's men's music or women's music? I've asked NTs this before, and I'll ask them again, where is there a category for gender in the mp3 tags? I don't see it!

The people I chat with on on-line chat sessions refer to themselves as "cheesepodders". They download and listen to music they say is uncool, and they're proud of it! One of the people I chat with on-line proudly proclaims "I can out-cheese anybody, any day." They're all NTs, and they told me nobody ever criticizes their taste in music. Why do they get to listen to anything they please, not get criticized, and I don't??

That is exactly what "IT" is, Kevin. This is the secret they can't tell you because I think they are too embarassed, but trust me. The elusive 'it' is that there IS NO LOGIC to so very much that people do.




they aren't telling you to not need a woman, they are telling you that if you are NEEDY to a woman, it turns them off. Don't be desparate, clingy or desparate (yeah, I said desparate twice.) is what they mean.



they are saying that you need to be happy being single, so you will have your own happiness to BRING to a relationship. If the only thing that will make you happy is a relationship then your happiness on how you view how your relationship is going is going to dictate how happy you are going to be. So learn to be happy with out a relationship.

PS, if you think you are going to be unhappy until you have a relationship with a woman, you have NO idea how unhappy you can be IN a relationship with a woman! Trust me, here.

Do you have an accent? I get asked where I'm from too even though I live here. Then I get told I sound like I'm from the east. Sometimes people say other places like Australia.




Is Watertown a large city in SD? Most people say they are from a large city because they live in the area. Like people might say they are from Chicago but really, they live in a town that is in the suburbs there. My aunt and uncle lived in Atlanta but then I find out they lived in a another town there that was in the area. I live in Portland, literally, because I have the address and the city name is listed. Not some other town near here.



Fixed.

They're rounding. I do the same. Habit I developed from them. I sometimes say "almost five."




Actually, many states have passed laws about bullies but it still happens.



I also don't get it either.




I have no idea.




Maybe they want dry socks so their feet be dry when they get out. Maybe they forgot their swim suits too. But I don't get the screaming part. I've never had this happen to me.

Source: Borderline AS with NT personality disorder.



I think it's an opinion they have.

1. You must have that Minnesota accent... Fer' sur

2. Well people from small towns usually hate it, at least until they get older. If I mention the small town I am from.. I usually have to say the bigger towns it's near. North of Sacramento usually works (150 miles North, but who's measuring

3. That is one reason I went back to an analog watch, and knowing my watch was not exactly on time.. saying it's 11:32 may not be correct.. so I learned to round up or down.

4. Try not to appear desperate... begging does not suit anyone well.

5. Your happiness should not depend on an other person. Never put too much trust in friends or lovers.. they will often become envious and betray you; or become spoiled and tyrannical.

6. It seems the whole NT world is like this. They would rather treat the wound but not the cause. Much of the negative crap that happens in the world could be avoided with a little preventive action.

7. It's easier to rally behind the local football hero or favorite team then a chess tournament or live action roleplay. Most of my fanaticisms bore the snot out of most people..

8. I have no idea what 'it' is.

9. People swim fully clothed? Sorry, I couldn't do it.. clothing feels restrictive enough when not wet.

10. The music I listen to is cool... the rest is lame It really depends on the crowd... I don't like most county music..but some most people agree is cool.. Johnny Cash for example. From the kids I meet lately that are not into rap, off beat/alternative music seems to be what's in. At least it's not disco.

So there are my 10 pull it out my arse answers to your NT mysteries.

I think with #2 oregon is correct in some cases, although there's an alternative explanation. It has to do sometimes with the asked person wanting the "asker" to know what they are talking about. If person A says "I'm from Beaverton, Oregon", person 2, if they are not from the area, is likely to say "where the hell is that", and person 1 will be required to explain further that it is a suburb right next to Portland. If person 1 just said "I'm from Portland", it avoids the confusion and need for elaboration.

^^^
Exactly what I was gonna say.

On a random side note, the mention of Beaverton reminds me that I went to high school with a girl who's now a porn star named Lexxi Tyler, who was originally from there.

To answer #9: in my experience, when people want to go swimming but they don't have a swimsuit, they take off whatever modesty will allow. Also, if you want to put your shoes back on after you're done swimming, it's nice to have dry socks to wear. I've gotten horrible blisters on my heels from walking around in wet shoes and socks.

Last edited by Owendust on 30 Nov 2009, 4:32 am, edited 2 times in total.

Hi Kev, I think you'll find many people here do the same thing. It's not that 'NT's' are a different species, this is just the norm.

As others have said people do that to save the hassle. These things are normally just understood, that's why it can be annoying/hard for people to explain it to you. I think if someone asks me where I'm wrong, it depends on the context. If it's someone from another country 'Australia' is often good enough. If it's someone from interstate I'll say 'WA or Perth.' And if it's someone from Perth I'd say the suburb/area I lived in.


I enjoy sports and cheer loudly when watching games, even on TV, more because it makes you feel more involved and makes the games more exciting. Yet I also have 'nerdier' interests that other's would find slightly odd, but nothing bizarre (my weirdest obsession is probably over climate averages/stats).

NT's - or rather, most people - like to generalize about people's personalities based on things like what they wear, what music they listen to etc even though it may have no basis on who they actually are. 'Women's music' is probably things like boy bands, pop like Christian Aguilera, and maybe some of the female-orientated singer songwriters, but I think you shouldn't take any notice of what they say. What's cool is just what most people are conditioned to think, and there's plenty of good stuff that is 'uncool.'

1./2. I think people just do that to give the other person a general idea of their location. If the person's never been to your state, it makes no difference what you tell them because it's not like they'll know what the place looks like or what's there.
Anyway, I say I'm from Seattle even though I'm not living there right now, because it's sort of my home base.. my hub.

3. That annoys me too, especially when people tell ME the wrong time. D:

4. I think people are afraid of the neediness. They don't want to get into a relationship where you're too attached to them right from the start. They need time to get to know you. Most people want to start out casual and build up to a stronger relationship IF you turn out to be a good match.

5. You're simplifying it too much. When people say that, they mean that you have to be happy with yourself in order to have a good relationship with another person. You can be happy with yourself even if you're unhappy with specific parts of your life, like the lack of a girlfriend. But if you're unhappy with your whole life, a girlfriend probably won't change that. You might just end up being unhappy with a girlfriend.

6. Bullying isn't the cause. I got bullied but never felt like shooting people up. Some people just react badly to bad situations. The authorities try to keep those situations in check, but honestly, I think the world would totally suck if they tried to regulate everything that ever provoked anyone to make a bad decision. And I think the authorities know that too.

7. I don't know. D:

8. You don't get it.
.....sorry. XD;;
It just means... you don't have a feel for the essence of the situation, or for what viewpoint the people in the situation are acting from. It IS sort of vague, so it's hard to explain. It's like how people don't "get" your special interests even though they get your brother's sports interest. They just don't understand where you're coming from for some reason.

9. I think it's like.. the only article of clothing you can remove and remain decent. XD;; If you take off your shirt and pants, you'll be exposing your underwear. (Unless you're a guy, then I'm pretty sure you can take your shirt off, but many people are out of shape so that's another reason to want to keep it on.) But socks don't cover anything private, so why get them wet? Then they pick up all the dirt as soon as you get out, too.

10. Nobody knows this one. Even NTs. If they say they do, they're faking. :B

That's why I have a "bad attitude" for "it".

someone says I don't get it, so what? I don't
want to get it, its a bunch of bullsstool toadcrap
toilet-grease and I don't want to get something
that is poop, so I say skruit.

I just tell that to those that say that i don't 'get it'
and won't tell me what it is.

I'm from New York state, but I live in England. People ask me if I'm from Canada and I say no, I'm from New York. They then either tell me that they have always wanted to see New York City or that they at some point did visit New York City. I am not from the city, so I elaborate and tell them I'm from central New York. I then go on to give them a sense of where I lived, Cayuga, a very small town. They have no idea where this is most of the time, so I then explain that it was about a 3ish hour drive to the Canadian border, then they sort of know what I mean. I think this is why people use more widely known geographical landmarks when explaining where they are from...maybe.




I am NT and I tend to either round the time up or down depending, but my son has AS and he, like you, is precise. He accepts it my way and I accept it his way.





This happens to my AS son. The people he went to school with could never understand why he would practice his guitar for so many hours each day and he took a lot of flack about it. He has also had other areas of special interest, and still does, that are considered by some people to be odd. The older he gets, the less he cares about what others think. Each to their own, I say.



All I can guess here is that if a person is wearing socks in the first place, then I assume they were also wearing shoes. Therefore, keeping their socks clean and dry would serve to keep their shoes clean and dry when they put them back on again.



People like what they like. Men's music or women's music...huh? That is just silly. Really, I wouldn't worry about it. If you like what is on your Ipod and it gives you pleasure, then it's cool.

I hope this helps a bit.

I have no idea about some of these and the only answer I could give you is "because NTs can be really odd sometimes". I have ideas about some of them though:

1. I'm from South East England. People think I'm from Australia when I talk to them on the phone. I can only guess that the 'flat monotone' description that gets applied to aspie speech in official literature means that we sound like we come from somewhere other than we do cause our accents don't quite match where we come from.

4&5. I read books on this to understand why this put guys off cause I got fed up with it. Wigglyspider described what the books said well. If you want to know how to avoid appearing needy or unhappy with yourself go read a book like "you lost him at hello" It's written for girls, but kinda makes sense for either gender. It explains stuff well and tells you how to avoid appearing needy or unhappy.

7. Your interrests aren't odd. It's just (for some unfathomable reason) socially acceptable to be obsessed with sport. I like one sport, Rugby, and got very excited when England won the Rugby world cup a few years back. I and a lot of other people in the pub I was in (watching it on a big tv screen) got excited and yelled a lot - it was sociable. The TV thing seems to be NTs transferring this social reaction to any sports situation despite the fact that they are not watching sports as a social activity. I get excited when England wins at rugby if I'm watching it on the tv but I do not scream and yell at my tv in my house alone. I think that maybe NTs are programmed to be sociable and aren't good at turning off that programming when alone.

I hope some of that makes sense. I'm still agog at the idea that people go swimming with all their clothes on personally. I'd prefer to keep my socks on in that situation too though.

Everybody else answered the other questions so I'll tackle just this one.

"Cool" is relative to whatever group is doing the music listening. What is cool to one group is uncool to another. The music is used to define the boundaries of the group. When your music gets called "uncool", that means it defines the boundaries of a group that you do not belong to and neither does the person calling it uncool and neither one of you would want to either. Your brother calls your music "uncool" because neither you nor he belong to the group "women" and neither would want to. When you get older and women discover you share their musical taste, they will not consider it uncool.

This phenomenon is strongest in young people because young people are the ones who use music to define social groups. When you get older, that all goes away because there are more pronounced and less malleable ways to define social groups: politics and occupation. Once you get old enough to be defined by your politics and ocupation, nobody will care what music you listen to and the whole concept of "cool" and "uncool" music disappears.

Musicians also don't care. The most diverse selection of music you wioll find on an ipod will be that found on a musician's ipod. Musicians may start using music as a way to be in a group when they are young, but as they age it fades for them too. And they are left with a raw and objective appreciation for the common threads that make so much diverse music great. Look in a musicians ipod. If that musician is >25, you will find many, many different genres.

Why do the people who call themselves "cheesepods" get a pass on the music they listen to? Because they call themselves "cheesepods". They have created a social group comprised of people who listen to music ironically- meaning making conscious decisions to listen to music that appeals to groups they disdain- such as people >50 (who don't call it "cheesey music", they call it "music I love"). Having defined that group, they don't get mocked for the music because it now belongs to the group they have created around themselves, the cheesepods.

^ I think more teens today are ready to embrace less 'cool' genres...I myself admit that some of my favourite music is far from cool. Like music from Musicals (Rogers and Hammerstein, Gershwin, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Disney etc). I would much rather listen to that than top 40 or emo or something. But I also enjoy some good music that is considered 'cool'. Just continue listening to music you like .

While on the topic of "I don't get it"

First what is the 'it"

Second what is the "Get"?

To get something is to retrieve it, right?
Or does get mean understand?
Does it mean arrive "When did you get there?"?
A state of being?? "Don't get me mad.."
Or does it mean "go away".. Get out of here!

No wonder we "Don't get it"

As a response to #10, music is a very personal thing. Not everybody's going to like the same types of music. Your brother could be more diplimatic about your musical tastes, instead of being shallow about it. I think that what's cool as far as music is concerned, depends on who's listening to a particular type of music. I love the music and the fashions of the Mid 60s. My sister prefers today's fashions and Top 40. Who's right and who's wrong? Nobody's right and nobody's wrong. We are just completly different people, and we compliment each other in that respect.

The name of this thread should have been "Ten Things I Don't Get About Some Americans"

You just don't get it
Normal people are all very different.

Last edited by BMH on 30 Nov 2009, 12:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.