Mother/Daughter Estrangement

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I have and have always had a wonderful relationship with my mother (except for a while when I was very small; I was so awful to her I made her cry -- then I stopped). I won't say we've never had a fight -- we've had a few clashes over grades, one doozy of a fight the first time I wanted to go to a party in high school, and other small disagreements over the years, but mostly we go along very well. My mother really likes teenage girls and young women, which probably helped us strengthen our relationship through the teen years when many girls grow apart from their parents (and mothers in particular). My mother is my favorite person to spend time with; even though we no longer live in the same state, we still talk frequently on the phone, both of us with tea just as we did when I was a teen or lived close to them. Both my my parents have been very supportive of me throughout the years, encouraging my skills in the arts and never criticizing my appearance (unless they were worried I was too thin; I've dealt with anorexia and bulimia) or taste in clothes, music, etc. I love my mom; I go to her for advice or just to chat and love spending time with her. My favorite times of the year are when we can see my parents or they come visit us -- sometimes my mom and I take off for a spa day or two and have a great time! While I am extremely feminine, my mother is a tomboy and so she comes to me for fashion and beauty advice, which I am glad to share. We have funny conversations -- every time we start to talk about hair, she goes into rhapsodies over how happy it makes her I have wavy hair. (She can have it; I'd give anything to have inherited my mother or father's pin-straight hair!) I hate to think about not being able to talk to my mom whenever I need advice or I'm scared or unhappy (my dad us also good to talk to about those things, though; he gives good "fatherly advice.") My parents have always known I was "different" and have never tried to force me to be someone I'm not.

IMHO, the best thing about being an adult is being best friends with my mom.

No relationship with my mum or dad at all. They can't stand me. I can't stand them. Aunt and uncle are like my parents, and are far better parents than I could ever have expected my real parents to be.

I was adopted. She was abusive. I got away from her at 14 and never went back, haven't spoken to her in 26 years. Don't plan to, but that meant I had to give up every other person on her side of the a.family because they are all joined at the hip. She was extrememly hyper critical, my first adopted father was an alcoholic who blew his head off when I was 5, then a step dad adopted me when I was 7 because he wanted control of the soc. sec money I was receiving from the death of a.dad #1. He bought himself rental properties with it. but I still had the same a-mom and she was disappointed in me, because I was not just exactly like her, and she constantly criticised me. I have spent years trying to undo the damage, but my self esteem is pretty non-existant still. If I had to be anywhere near her, or face her even at my age, I think I would be physically sick, I am still that afraid of her. I don't like women. I don't trust them. I don't want to sit around and talk about child birth and other gross things women talk about either. One thing I'll never forget is how I knew I was being abused, before I even knew what to call it. Now days there is a term for 'verbal abuse' and 'emotional abuse' but there wasn't any way for me to tell anybody about it at the time. Some cousins knew, and an aunt knew, but they didn't do anything to help me. Adopted mom could be just verbally dicing my soul to smithereens, and the phone would ring or something, and she'd shut off like a light switch, pick up the phone and say "oh Hi! oh, nothing, what about you?" and I"d be curled up in a corner just falling to pieces from the verbal and physical abuse. Her favorite things was slapping me and my step-sister across the face. She liked to call my step-sister a whore, and I suppose I would have gotten that treatment too if I'd stayed around. I suppose she has some kind of diagnosis, but I'm not really interested in what it is. I just want to stay as far away from her as possible, and never see her again.

i didnt write these, but they pretty much sum it up;

My and my mother got along GREAT...up until when I turned 9 years old.
Our relationship got worse and worse through my teen years.
Her way is the only way, according to her. Anything that deviates from her line of thinking is completely wrong.

I found the best way to deal with her constant nit-picking at me is to just keep my face blank, say nothing and stew about it later.

i dont know how to do quotes so i just copied and pasted but theyre both from this thread.

i got on great with my mother right up until puberty struck whiach was when i was diagnosed, (bit later than 9). from then on she had a go at me whenever for pretty much everything. if i wasnt doing what she thought i should be, or if i was doing anything for my self. she seemed simultaneously frustrated by the affects of my aspergers and terrified that i was becoming an independant young adult and shed be left behind. i think she would use my aspergers against me a lot to stop that from happening but she still got annoyed when i did show aspie traits.

im not gunna try and understand her anymore, just shutup, accept what she has to say, and do my own thing anyway. she has to learn than she cant have it both ways and im not gunna let her live her life through me.

interesting how many replies are so similar to my experiences. I've always put it as I wasn't the kid she wanted - my younger sister was. I was always the odd duck and could never please her. I am completely estranged from both my parents and my sister because I swear they bring out the worst in me.

I'm more estranged from my dad than my mom. My mom and I were always like close friends. We get into arguments sometimes, but she's always there to support me if I need her too.

My relationship with my mom barely existed, and she was the only parent I had since my father passed when I was 2. She suffered from severe depression and pretty much left me to fend for myself. I really resented her most of my life growing up and moved out when I was 17. She died when I was 22 and I can't say it hurt that much.

My mom is quite ASish....that aside...I tend to be emotionally aloof from both of my parents even though I do see them both regularly...every week we go out.....I abhor small talk and can get very grouchy and seem very distant when I am around them....still we routinely go out every week....

I was shocked to read everyone's comment. It just rang a bell in my mind and i started crying I could not stop crying while reading all this

My mom left me with my grandmom when i was 1 month old and then she took me back when i was 4years old. So there was not much physcial contact with her as a baby.

She was very mean, abusive, depressed,melancholic simply because my father was alcoholic, voilent and dangerous. He used to beat the s**t out of her. But she became quite bitter and harsh.

when i told her my uncle as molested me she said that he did not climb on top of you and sleep so why are you complaining get lost...
when i was molested by my boss again she said this are excuses i make to avoid working
when i became bankrupt because my husband blew up entire money she told i called to inform her this because i wanted to have her money
when i was pregnant in 8th month she was busy making preparation for my brothers marriage and expected me to travel 1ooo miles to other state
when used to have headaches or was feverish she acted as if i did not exsist
she would not let me speak, she used to interfere, cut my conversation short, call up my husband all the time and enquire about me, she used to poison my hubby against me
when my mother in law asked her to take care of my baby she retorted why should i do that its her baby she will take care....
she is poisonous and i have been estranged from her last 3 years
this 3 years have been best years of my life without her in it there is so much peace
occassionally she disturbs it with her ranting, emotional blackmails and disturbance
i just want to get away from this city to be far away from her.

oh yeah i cant get along with girls and woman they are confusing for me
I prefer male company because they are not bitchy, manipulative and gossipy
But unfortunately here in india males are not interacting much with females because of social norms
so i dont have any male friend
just 1-2 female friends....

check out Atashinchi Cartoon a japanese cartoon about a nasty mother and her daughter
its so much reminds me of my mom
and the movie WHite Oleander i find it so familiar