Anybody here in the spectrum,raising a child in the spectrum

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manequin
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09 Dec 2009, 9:24 pm

I am curious to know how many parents have autism,live independently,and provide care for a child with autism?My son is seven,very high-functioning,and very,very hyper.I am high-functioning as well;but am easily over-stimulated,and I crave quite.I am the opposite of my son.Autism affects us in the same area's...social,communication and sensory issues.How it affects us is differnt.I need a break.



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09 Dec 2009, 9:40 pm

I think I am. My son is diagnosed with Asperger's and I like many others here have had a lifetime of struggles that fit the profile but don't have a formal diagnosis. There's a thread going (nowhere) about the particular struggles of spectrumite rearing spectrumite. I am a single working poor mom as well. I can help my son with the things I have come to understand over the years(if he chooses to listen)but the biggest problem is our difficulty in handling stress. I am very conscious of this though and strive to keep our lives simple and don't try to take on too much. Sometimes I feel like I'm failing him, particularly in areas of executive dysfunction but I also know he has a safe place to be exactly himself with me.


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09 Dec 2009, 11:43 pm

I am, and have a seven year old son with Aspergers. I also have a daughter with Rett Syndrome, which is the most severe ASD. I do get overwhelmed often.



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10 Dec 2009, 12:10 am

Both myself and my 13 year old son are AS. If makes for a challenging life. My wife has PTSD and battles with depression.

I end up being the basic caregiver for the family, but it's not easy and I struggle to keep it togeher... but somehow we make it through the day.

I don't have any 'magical' words of advise on parenting an AS child... I am looking at the beginning of my son's teen years in terror.


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millie
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10 Dec 2009, 1:41 am

i am a mother with AS. My son is borderline on the spectrum. i have recently had to let og of a lot of my special interest/career goals, because my energy levels are SO low because of my ASD and sensory issues and because my son actually needs far more from me. Something has had to give.
It is exceedingly difficult to balance life as a woman and mother with AS and to tend to my son's needs as my priority, as well.

fortunately my son has friends. where he does struggle is in groups. one on one he does ok.

and we AS parents cane get so very tired and overwhelmed.
I very much respect those who are parents with an ASD.



Nightsun
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10 Dec 2009, 4:31 am

Both me and my wife are Aspie, our daughter have a strange mix of our trait plus something different. Sometimes is pretty difficult to our sensory overload when she tantrum.


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10 Dec 2009, 6:44 am

I am not a parent, but an advantage of being on the spectrum if you have a spectrumite kid, is that you would be able to empathize with the child and understand their needs more thus making you a better advocate for them.


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LipstickKiller
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10 Dec 2009, 11:40 am

I am. My son has atypical autism but he's clever and speaks, though with a delay. I was diagnosed with AS this summer. My problem is that when I'm worn out I can't shift from one thing to another although the kids pester me ( the NT toddler as well) Sound too of course, my autistic son shrieks when he doesn't get his way. I use ear protectors. Otherwise I think my AS benefits him. Our problems manifest differently, but I get him, I can predict when he's gonna freak out and what he needs.

Parenting is challenging for everyone. Autistic children can be a pain, you always have to be alert to meet their needs and they can be impatient and demanding. Autistic parents have to overcome their own problems, in my case my love for routines (always interrupted), my terrible sense of time (perpetually tardy, never in bed on time), my listening problems (can't hear them when I'm focused), and my stress levels (I sometimes just start crying and freak them out)

Gosh, I hope nobody feels the need to call social services o me 8O

But I have one up on NT parents. My children ARE my special interest (well, one of them, but the biggest one) and I learn their needs and their personalities with a zest I think NT parents don't muster up as easily, since they "only" have love. I have love too, but also my intense focus. I'd like to think that makes up for my executive dysfunction, my rigid nature and my overreactions.



grad_girl
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10 Dec 2009, 1:39 pm

Anyone in here want to respond to my query for data? I'm trying to collect reasonable data about parents with AS:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt113700.html

(Yes, I know that by the definition of this thread, I'm skewing my data, but I thought I'd try to get the ball rolling :) )



AMD
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10 Dec 2009, 2:20 pm

I think i am. My 11 year old son is the one with the diagnosis. I too crave quiet!


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kaen
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10 Dec 2009, 2:34 pm

I'm pretty sure I am, my 13 year old is diagnosed, and my 7 year old shows clear signs of being on the spectrum. I'm also single and have a career, and the children's mother has very little to do with the children.

Things seem to be running all right, as long as nothing interrupts our routines. The smallest things seem to derail me. I've also cut a lot of my special interests out, so that I could be more available to my children. We have some common interests that we share, mainly video games, computers and gadgets.

I do feel quite frequently that I am letting them down and not giving them a "normal" childhood. They pretty much take care of their own socializing, as I have no real friends and only one couple that I visit on occasion has kids. I think of the experiences my parents gave me (mostly my dad) in travelling, visiting relatives and friends in other cities, provinces and countries and I feel bad that I can't seem to do that for my kids. We travel during the summers, but it's all sight seeing and other things that don't involve socializing. My children don't know most of their extended family, as I don't have contact with anyone other then my close relatives. I also can't seem to help them with a lot of their AS related problems, as I've never learned to deal with them myself, such as executive functioning, showing empathy and various other problems.

I frequently break down and spend evenings in my room, especially when they have friends over. After working all day, I just can't take all the noise and chaos of their friends. I was just realizing the other day that all of our rooms are like mini living rooms that we can retreat to. We all have tvs, computers, stereos, video games and books in our rooms not to mention the living room and the kid's rumpus room.



MishLuvsHer2Boys
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10 Dec 2009, 2:49 pm

I am a parent with AS and have two children on the spectrum.



manequin
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10 Dec 2009, 4:09 pm

I feel as though I am letting my son down.He is in first grade and there is alot going on in a first grade classroom.Acedemically my son shines;as did I.Socially?It is a nightmare for him.My son can not lie when it comes to yes/no questions,or concreate action.He can manipulate his answers;but not the truth.For instance,if he tags you,he isn't lying....and if he did not feel you tag him,then you did not tag him!See where thier is a problem?My son insists and will become angry and aggressive.Puddin'(son's nickname) is aware he needs extra time alone or needs to be squezzed,he is very smart.Autism is so misunderstood.Because my son is very verbal and aware it is difficult for others to recognize the autism.Unfourtunatley,the behavior is what is targeted.Most of the time I feel like my son appears to be this rude,hyper-active,thoughtless individual,with behavior problems due to my lack of stability,instead of autism.When I was a child thier was great concern as to whether I would have a normal life.In 1972 I was born depressed,or so the story always went.Lifeless.I did not cry or smile..much.I loved my swing and I loved to sleep.I did not talk until age four.My earliest memory is at 11months old.I smell every thought.I think with aroma's,everythought has it's own distinct smell.My son memorizes,places and things.In many ways I can help him or modify the world aroud him .I feel like an inturpter for my son.I am his link outside autism and I am the link into his world of autism.From all apearances my son is just as capable as any other first grader;and he is.Autism hinders his capability because it affects his perception,his ability to communicate his ideas and thoughts to impulsive,impatient first graders causes him anxiety exspecially when he can't find the words quick.Change in schedule or substitute teacher can cause his whole day to be off.My son is a handful and he has worked his butt off to be in the regular room,he is so frustrated with others lack of understanding,impatience and assumptions.He comes home each day and begins to rattle off a bunch of incomplete thoughts,random things that happened at school,becoming frustraed telling me how he would keep explaining but no-one knew.I remember that feeling well.I could not get the meaning out of the words I would choose to use.I spoke softly,and would pay attention to response of person,I desperatley hoped to understand the first time,otherwize the tears would start to fall.Tears of frustration and shame.Ashamed of the tears I cried,ashamed of the apparent idiot I was.I spent most of the first 12 years of my life with my grandparents.Only recently has it occured to me grandma and grandpa raised me in much the same way as TempleGrandin' mother raised her.Temple credits most of her success as an indepedt adult with autism to the lessons of childhood.Sorry didn't mean to ramble



anxiety25
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10 Dec 2009, 5:06 pm

manequin wrote:
I feel as though I am letting my son down.He is in first grade and there is alot going on in a first grade classroom.Acedemically my son shines;as did I.Socially?It is a nightmare for him.


I know the feeling... I never know what to tell my son when he needs help or advice with things, because I don't know what to do myself. I have to go to other people and get advice. Even with making big decisions, I wind up asking a bunch of people and kind of go with majority rules for my decisions at times, and it is frustrating. How can I teach him anything if I can't even do it myself?

manequin wrote:
My son can not lie when it comes to yes/no questions,or concreate action.He can manipulate his answers;but not the truth.For instance,if he tags you,he isn't lying....and if he did not feel you tag him,then you did not tag him!See where thier is a problem?My son insists and will become angry and aggressive.


Mine is very much the same way... and I'm stubborn like he is too, so we tend to both have that mentality and it leads to quite a few arguments between us, lol. Yes, I even get sucked into the whole "did too!" "did not!" arguments, and then I just feel pathetic when I think about it afterward.


manequin wrote:
Puddin'(son's nickname) is aware he needs extra time alone or needs to be squezzed,he is very smart.Autism is so misunderstood.Because my son is very verbal and aware it is difficult for others to recognize the autism.Unfourtunatley,the behavior is what is targeted.Most of the time I feel like my son appears to be this rude,hyper-active,thoughtless individual,with behavior problems due to my lack of stability,instead of autism.


I know that feeling too... it's quite frustrating. For his first year in school, the counselor called several times to ask what our home is like... whether or not I date a lot, whether punishments are consistent and all... then when I explained that is not what is going on, he started saying I needed to be stricter-which, in all honesty is kind of hard for me to do, because I just have different ways of dealing with him rather than yelling, and can relate to things he does far too well at times to yell at him.

His current teacher is on/off with this thing where she complains a lot about his behavior, and if I mention that he has trouble controlling himself or anything, she just refuses to do things to help him at all, and brings up the fact that he's in the gifted program as "proof" that he doesn't have anything going on besides being a brat.


...what really makes me feel bad, though, is when I just cannot handle him, quite literally, because he's getting on my nerves. I feel I should never feel that way about my own child, and really get down on myself for it. It sucks because I can't vent about it either, without everyone looking at me like I'm awful. I really cannot imagine that everyone can tolerate everything all of the time with a smile and no problem, but because they portray themselves that way, I feel I'm very wrong in feeling this way at times.

I can look at what he's doing, and relate to it to some extent... especially the things I actually did as a child, but because I've grown out of it and am older, I can't relate to it fully even though I can understand it. It's very conflicting to deal with, and rough all around. I love him very very much, and would do just about anything for him... but I just can't get around those moments where I don't want much to do with him because he is overwhelming me.

I try not to focus so much on that when thinking about the overall though. We do have a lot of great moments too, because we do relate to one another so well. In a way, we are also learning a lot of things together about how to go about things, and coping strategies from one another, so we definitely have a great bond in that respect... it's also nice when no one else understands me, or him, to have someone to talk to about it that will for sure. :)


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11 Dec 2009, 10:31 am

I will be honest with you.Being severely autistic,i probably will never have a relationship,let alone a child.But if i do,i honestly HOPE it will NOT be autistic.After all,anyone ,,different" isn't very accepted which can be traumatizing for people at a young age.

And while every child is difficult to raise,autistic children can be quite a challenge.I look at my mom every day,grateful i am NOT in her position.So i feel sorry for all autistics,and more...for the people who raise them.



manequin
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11 Dec 2009, 3:35 pm

No-one had to tell me I was differnt.I already knew.I remember in the first grade my teacher being extremly concernd.She was a seasond teacher,she taught many,many students.Infact,this was her last year teaching;she had reached retirement age.I was a quite child,very well behaved,smart.The first grade was difficult for me.Too many activities,loud,bossy,impaqtient people.It was in first grade that I would have my very first evaluation.My teacher told mother I was moody and un-predictable.I stared for long periods of time.Mother told the doctor that my teacher was worried because I daydreamed too much,Actually,her words were more like..."in her own little world".My teacher noticed I had a difficult time socializing with other children.For some reasons I would have fits of rage,for no apparent reason.The good doctor assured mother that I was fine,just mature for my age and that I was just bored of first grade.In the second grade I moved in with grandparents.I liked thier house.It was quiet.