Do your work colleagues hate you?

Post Reply New Topic

I find it difficult reading non verbal cues, I generally know an angery face but can't determine the reason. Hostility from people is therefore difficult to detect, and unless that person is shaking me whilst letting me know, I'll never be able to determine these negative cues and the response I should follow.

Why are my work colleagues angry with me?

Becuase I don't react to it one bit, a customer may make eye contact but I'll just look away and not be effected by it. A shuffle of the shoes, a cough, again I don't react to it since I can't determine the reason. If every person made direct or fixed eye contact, generally I'd get the picture and be aware that I pose a problem to them.
Logically it seems illogical, if I'm comfortable with my surroundings why would this pose a problem to somebody else? And why would their opinions effect me?
By being unaware of this I've simply created a superman image to my work colleagues and to those disapointed with my no response, sort of makes me feel powerfull yet inadequate and vulnerable. But gladly I'm happy being unable to know.

My work colleagues would see my non responsivness as ignorance rather than a disability, so in a way I'd be effected by becoming aware of my differences. Some would see this is a disibility, stupidity and would respond by talking down to me, other children react that way too. So it is obvious that this is an early development in NT's.

I always got on my office clerk's nerves I bet. He always kept telling me "What did I just tell you?" "You should know this, how long you been here for how long?" "You need to use your common sense" "I am very busy so I can't spoonful words to you people."
I didn't like him and one day he said "It's not that I don't like you..." as if he knew I was thinking he doesn't like me. Coincidence he said that?


Yeah I lacked "commons sense" because I had difficulty connecting the dots, being psychic, reading between the lines and I was very forgetful in my tasks. He tell me to do something and say do it later and I would forget about it. I had difficulty being organized and I felt stupid and couldn't figure out what was wrong with me and why I was having these problems. What was wrong with my memory and forgetting to do things and finish tasks? Also the fact I leave things unfinished and go to another task and then ironically, he tell me to finish something first before moving on to the next. But then he tell me to do something else as I would be in the middle of something, then he turns around and tells me how I leave things unfinished and I am jumping all over the place
But yet my office clerk would cover for me by getting another employee to do my work because I wouldn't get it done and stuff or I was going "too slow." Then one day he told me he was getting tired of it and I needed to pick up the pace, use my common sense or else he will start reporting me to my boss. I was unaware he was doing all this all along until he told me.
I would write things down but then forget I had written it down because it wouldn't occur to me to look at my note pad.
Also the fact they move things around at work and I would have difficulty finding it. It's as if people there knew where to look already and I didn't because I get told by my office clerk I should know where everything is.
I felt so stupid for all this and then when I moved to day shift, I did much better. There was routine and less interruptions so I was able to do my job and focus and get it all done. I think what I needed was routine and structure. I focus so much better when I have routines and less interruptions. I tried keeping my routine in the swing shift but it wasn't always easy.
I guess no wonder why we aspies have them? It keeps us in line and more focused even if some of us are flexible?
I've noticed what I'm like without routine. Not good.

Last edited by Spokane_Girl on 11 Dec 2009, 3:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

[quote="Photon"]Logically it seems illogical, if I'm comfortable with my surroundings why would this pose a problem to somebody else? And why would their opinions effect me?
quote]

I'll try not to go off on a tangental antecdote because I am only going to address one sentence that caught my attention. I remember having a conversation with my friend about this incident where she was at another friend's parent's house and she kind of laid down on the couch - but she was not regular visitor of this home. Well the other friend was really irritated by her 'rudeness' and they got into a fight because friend #1 couldn't understand why friend #2 didn't want her to be comfortable.... Well, to make a long story short - The father of friend #2 was an old school guy (rumored mafia but who knows, might have been a joke for all I know) and he didn't appreciate this 'kid" coming over acting like she owned the place----Anyway I don't know if that makes any sense to you but, I guess the moral of the story is: Sometimes you just have to go along with other people's 'rules' if you want them to like you, regardless of whether or not their rules seem dumb....Or you can be like my friend who decided that she didn't want to be around people who didn't want her to be comfortable at their home.

I know work is a different story because you have to be there... but I think it still applies.

Last edited by FaithHopeCheese on 11 Dec 2009, 9:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

At my old job, yes. I don't know why. I always tried my best.

My current job, no. They treat me well. I didn't know the people at work could make such a difference.

As long as they show up on time and do their job, I really dont care

Yes everyonen at work hates me and I don't know why. SpokaneGirl-a co worker told you to use common sense? I would have filed a verbal abuse complaint. Some people have no respect at all. I often ask myself why do NT's treat me so awful and people with aspergers or LD know that making fun of someone is so wrong?

I learnt sarcasm and know a lot of jokes. When I was working I said some of the most outrageous things to the boss, he could only laugh. He was a good person though. Sometimes some people do get annoyed, I forget things, say stupid things a lot . I would be oblivious until they explode. However I have the habit that I always push myself and work harder than anyone. I also learn new jobs very fast. Even as annoying as I know I am others generally accept it because I'm also one of the fastest, efficient workers they ever saw.

I also tend to end up enemies of egocentric people. My style of humour attacks ego, if someone can't take a joke at their expense they end up hating me, even if I was just replying to a joke they made at my expense.

This was only kitchen hand work though, no idea how I would go in an office :/

Hello,

I've had issues with co-workers not liking me, especially on my earlier jobs. In fact, I've lost several jobs "simply" because my co-workers didn't like working with me.

(According to a study by career strategist Marilyn Moats Kennedy, for every person who gets fired, asked to resign or "quits" because s/he figures either of the above is about to happen anyway, because s/he can't do the job, it also happens to another person who can do the job but can't get along with co-workers.)

I had to learn the hard way that no job is ever completely technical, and pretty much any job requires some interfacing with others. (If anything, that's only going to increase. Over the last few years, employers have started to demonstrate that if a problem can be solved from across the hall, it can be solved from across town, across the country and across the Indian Ocean a lot more cheaply. More and more of the jobs that stay here in North America, at good salaries, involve helping people face to face.)

One thing I've found really increases goodwill is simply doing my share and maybe a little bit more. When I continually looked for the easiest job possible and let my co-workers take the heavier jobs, it's no wonder they didn't take kindly to me.

I also found that when I was at least a little bit interested in them as people - doing things like asking about their families, their school and other things going on their lives, and being a little bit forthcoming about my own life - they liked me more.

As for telling you to use your common sense...I can think of some situations where it would be rude, and others where it would be perfectly valid. We Aspies get that more often because we miss things that others take for granted. In a given situation, it may or may not be fair to expect others to know without being told.

As for verbal abuse, I think that's generally taking things too far. Even if it's rude and unfair to say "Use your common sense," I don't think it's the same as, say:

* "You're a waste of your paycheck not to mention perfectly good oxygen,"

* "You've made only two mistakes here: Everything you've done and everything you've said" or

* "It's no wonder you've gotten the fewest personal calls here: No one talks to you if they can possibly avoid it!"

If someone says "Use your common sense," and you think it's unfair, perhaps you could take it up personally with him/her. If you point out how it made you feel, and why you think someone could use common sense and still do whatever you did, that may help him/her understand.

What do you think?

I've never got it. Even when I thought everything was ok, I never got it.

I worked one job where I thought I got on really well with my colleagues. I was included in social events and always had fun with them. Until the Christmas dinner. The bosses had organised a tongue in cheek awards ceremony. Like the award for timekeeping going to the young lad who arrived hours late every day. Or the what-the-fck-do-you-do award, given to the senior manager. I was given the most-annoying-colleague award. Everyone thought this was hysterically funny. I was devasted. I cried all the way home and left the job shortly after.

That's terrible.

I agree that is terrible. That type of ceremony is UNPROFESSIONAL!

i work from my home and i rarely see the people who operate my systems, but on occasions i have to go to the various workplaces i write the systems for.
i have a private office in all the companies that i write for, but those offices are usually empty of me because i go there rarely.

when i do go there, i see that people keep clear of me because i have no inviting "vibe" about me. they see me as the author of their system they operate every day, and they can not talk to me in a way that is like an equal person who could be a friend.

that is good because i am never distracted much by people when i have to go to sites.

I would LOVE to work from home. Less co workers to deal with. NO ONE bothers me too!

That sucks.

Last year, on the last day of school, my AS son (age 11 at the time, diagnosed with an IEP) got the "Messiest Desk" award. He didn't seem too bothered one way or another, but it bothered me. His messy desk is due to his disability. Staying organized, and getting everything neatly put away in a tiny space, and in very little time, is a major challenge for him. I have the same problem, so I understand. It's not something to joke about when it affects your school work or job performance, or makes you feel bad about yourself. I occasionally have days where I'm absolutely determined to keep my area tidy. It takes everything I've got, and I accomplish nothing else other than not leaving a mess behind. "What did you do today, dear?" "I kept the kitchen tidy. Period. Now I'm exhausted and need to go lie down."

P.S. I meant my son is diagnosed with AS and has an IEP. Not that he is diagnosed with some condition called an IEP. (Inflammatory Effervescent Personality, perhaps?)

I am less well-liked than even I suspected at my current job, as I recently found out. I always feel this sense of befuddlement from women colleauges, they just don't 'get' me, and I end up being the 'weird' one. Male colleagues for the most part are okay. I have had alot of problems with female coworkers in the past. I don't do the groupthink thing, the pecking order thing, and I don't care about their problems with husbands or children or want to listen or commiserate. I just want to be left alone to do my job, which men will most of the time allow, but women won't. They have to place you in a niche (pecking order thing). I also can't stand starting a new job where you get the barrage of questions about your personal life so they (female coworkers) can decide whether you are higher or lower on the pecking order than they are. Plus I am gay but femme and pass for straight (people assume) so once I out myself inevitably I have coworkers that think I am after them. Which is so grating to me, as I am not attracted to femmes. This stuff has repeated so much in my working life that it is mundane and predictable at this point. I was at my happiest driving a forklift in a factory working with almost all males.

If someone bothers me at work most of the time and gets me so confused and angry, is that harassment or just the downside of having aspergers? It's a brand new year and this person constantly is annoying me! I want to do a Gibbs back slap upside the head so badly! However I'm going to to this employment center on the weekend to find a new job. HOPEFULLY. Why do co workers bother people with aspergers? Are we weak?? I know co workers should NOT give others a hard time. What's up with NTs? Are they in fact the dumb ones?