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rosiemaphone
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11 Dec 2009, 3:51 pm

The vast majority of Aspies I know are very honest. This is certainly a good thing; although being 'honest to a fault' often inadvertently offends people. However, I can accept and understand this. Honesty is good.

However, I know a few people with Aspergers who will be 'honest to a fault', but they will also tell lies frequently to get out of trouble, to cause trouble between people, to get their own way, or just for the sake of lying. At the same time they will justify their (unintentionally) offensive comments by saying they are just being honest. I don't understand this at all, it doesn't make sense to me.

Does anyone know anyone else like this? Can anyone explain it to me?



Maggiedoll
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11 Dec 2009, 3:58 pm

I think it's usually just manipulative when people do that.
Not everyone who says that they have AS has it-- some people just use it as an excuse to be mean.
Others might want to give lying "a try," or have trouble distinguishing between what lying is socially acceptable and what's not.



anxiety25
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11 Dec 2009, 4:06 pm

As far as lying to get out of trouble or try to, I can explain that really.... to some extent. I never used it really as a manipulation tactic to get my way, but I realized that my honest answers were never good enough to explain why I ever did anything. I would get into just as much trouble telling the truth-more even, simply because my explanations never made sense to anyone but me and they would get mad at me, so I guess I finally took an attitude of "well, I can tell the truth and get in trouble regardless, or I can try to lie to appease whoever is talking to me and maybe I'll get around it".

It was just an attempt basically to not be in trouble for every single thing I did, and when people would actually say "that doesn't make sense" all of the time, well, what is left to try to make people happy? It's no fun having people mad at you 100% of the time.

The truth always came out eventually, but for a long time, I'd try to come up with something that would make sense to others to appease them before telling them what I was actually doing or thinking and whatnot.


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jc6chan
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11 Dec 2009, 4:08 pm

If I want to hide some truth, I just don't say anything about it, I rarely lie though.



11 Dec 2009, 4:18 pm

I've realized I have always been honest but I have always lied to stay out of trouble or to get kids to like me. I once made up a story when I was seven that I had ten hamsters living in my bush in my backyard. This girl in my class had lot of hamsters and she brought them to school and I wished I had some so I made up a story about it. My teacher made me tell about it when I said I had them. My mom said she did that to teach me a lesson.
But now I am not like that anymore. I don't make up stories or take credit for things I didn't even do or do things and then lie about it.


So that's my reason there why I did it in my childhood.



superboyian
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11 Dec 2009, 4:23 pm

Used to that alot when I was younger to get out of trouble, especially to the teachers back at school, which I don't really get away with it, I do sometimes but then it would of gotten me into more trouble than im already im.

I don't do it now and i'm being as honest as i'am today..... Plus its so much easier to tell the truth but unfortunelately it hurts but on the bright side, the more i said the truth, the more people would believe me :D

So if I was anyone here, I would go straight from the truth.


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ottorocketforever
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11 Dec 2009, 5:00 pm

There is something called theory of mind. And people with autism tend to have a poor theory mind. To lie, you have to have theory of mind, in order to gauge what people may believe versus what they may not believe. I am terrible at lying, but great at telling the truth, even if the truth isn't very flattering to another person.



rosiemaphone
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11 Dec 2009, 5:07 pm

Thanks guys - I don't expect all you people to be saints! There are very few, if any, people who have never lied. Lying to get out of trouble or to try and please people is something that most people go through and although it's usually unhelpful it isn't nasty. What I really have a problem with is a person lying to get their own way or cause trouble between people. Or lying maliciously.

I also wonder how a person can get away with the 'brutally honest' thing, when they evidently know how to lie, frequently lie and have no scruples about lying.

I am not trying to insult anyone here; just trying to understand this because it's been bothering me for a while.



ottorocketforever
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11 Dec 2009, 6:40 pm

I get away with the brutally honest part, because people are starting to understand that's how a person with autism works. :)



Lecks
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11 Dec 2009, 6:57 pm

I lie mainly to make my life seem more interesting to others, a pathetic reason but it's always turned out beautifully. I don't do it often, and when I do it's always elaborate.
When I was about 11 I made up a story about a trip to Mexico me and my family went on (which never happend). It got to a point where my teacher made me get infront of class for a presentation about the trip. I somehow managed to bull**** my way through it and got a B+ (thank you, internet).

All in all, I'm a pretty good liar but I don't like to do it because it's generally not worth the trouble.



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11 Dec 2009, 7:26 pm

I can't lie - but I do omit pertinent information from time to time....but lying is too stressful. People hardly believe the truth though anyway. My sister is 30 years old and still tells these little lies to my parents so they won't judge her. That just seems so immature to me. My mom used to tell me that I was honest to a fault but with experience I've learned to keep my mouth shut, which I think is key. :wink:


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t0
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11 Dec 2009, 9:36 pm

I can lie. I generally have to get my story straight and think of possible questions ahead of time. But if I have the story ready, I can get away with it.

That said, I really prefer not to and my natural tendency is to blurt out the truth. And absolutely no lying at home.



FaithHopeCheese
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11 Dec 2009, 10:09 pm

My boyfriend lies about the dumbest things. I was going to get something to eat and asked if he was hungry - he said "no I had some cereal." Cut to an hour later - I was finishing up my meal and offered him my french fries and he says " no I'm STUFFED"..... Me: "From cereal????" BF says: " Well I had some onion rings from Sonic too".....which makes me think there was a burger involved. ;) Why would someone lie about that? I don't get it. :roll:


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12 Dec 2009, 2:08 am

I lie to protect myself from my mom, and those can be large.
I tell smaller lies because "I missed my train" sounds better to an employer than, "I had a panic attack and couldn't leave the house on time."

ETA: Many of my lies tend to be elaborate omissions. Too much work otherwise.


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12 Dec 2009, 2:45 am

I am too honest but I do admit I joke around a lot. But when I am joking it is obvious in the tone of voice. I am usually brutally honest and say exactly what is on my mind. I can't hold anything back and it can hurt. I try to be funny at the same time and people like that about me. Even while I am down I am hilarious! What I mean about it hurts is that at doctors when I say what I really think they stick me on anti psychotics even though I don't need them because I am sane. They all think I am nuts. They are the ones that are nuts!!



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12 Dec 2009, 3:57 am

Lying makes me nervous. I can lie but i'm not good at it especially in real life. And I can't stand not telling the truth :(


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