Nervously exposing myself to the realm of YouTube

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I just added you to my page.

Please make more videos of you singing!

Thankyou! I'm so glad everyone likes it. I've got other original songs that I could play and record, but I'm thinking next I might try doing a music video with one of my older recordings of an original song of mine, to try something different. Might take a while though, but I've got all holidays.

I can sense a new obsession coming on...

it is my current most obsessive obsession...I am not sure if that's a good or bad thing...I am obviously not shy about my youtube postings...I will post several a day sometimes....too many, actually...

Great.....but IMHO you haven't lived until you've performed in front of a live audience. It's scary at first but you get used to that and then it's terrific fun. It's one thing Aspies can do really well, even though it's social, because unlike most social interaction it's largely pre-determined so you don't need to keep changing your script like you would in most social situations, yet it can make you the life and soul of a party, and people will approach you to say how much they enjoyed your music.

I completely agree with this, though if you are someone who doesn't like crowds (don't know if you are), I could see that being an issue.

I played in pubs for many years, and before that I gave many piano recitals. The interaction with people is very scripted for both. I used to hate it when people came up to me and told me how much they enjoyed the performance. Actually it was more of love and hate at the same time. I loved the fact that they loved it, but hated the fact that I had to somehow figure out how to gracefully accept a compliment and interact with complete strangers.

When the other band members were on break, instead of mingling with the crowd, I found it more natural to go into a stairwell and continue fiddling until the break was over. I think it may have been originally to avoid them, but there was also the element of not being able to stop playing tunes in my head!

Sunshower, I haven't yet watched the video, but I am looking forward to it. I think I heard your voice in a recording elsewhere, and the best way to describe it was "ethereal."

I do hate crowds, and you're right, that can be a problem if I can't arrange to be insulated from them. It's good to pick the venues carefully and to find out whether any mingling is necessary. As long as I don't have to wade through a sea of raucous people and other obstacles such as furniture, I can usually cope. Of course the reluctance to mingle could be construed as a snub, but I'm always hoping it'll be seen as part of the performer's attractive mystery.

I'm still learning to handle compliments....I've tried saying "thank you" and doing my best to look them in the eyes as I say it, but I worry that it might be coming over as rather wooden and robotic. Luckily I don't usually find it difficult to smile at such times, as I generally feel quite euphoric after performing, if the show has been up to scratch. But those compliments are often quite sudden and unexpected, so it's not always easy to do a graceful job. One of the most difficult things is that once somebody starts a conversation with me, I don't know how to bring it to an end, which makes me wary of beginning.

I suppose I should dream up a few good answers.........if it's another musician I might compliment their performance in return, though I don't like doing that unless I've been genuinely impressed by their music. If they haven't played yet, I might ask "are you performing tonight?" and try to get away from them soon after. For non-musicians, I might ask "do you like X?" (where X = the style of music I've just been performing), and with a little luck we'll both enthuse about that style and then move on. If I'm really feeling relaxed and positive I might even try to exchange names. Frankly it's rare that I get that far, social anxiety (or just plain preoccupation with the logistics of the performance and getting home with the musical equipment) probably tends to make me appear a little aloof or brain-dead, but I doubt that much harm is done, and I live in hope of learning to do better next time. The great thing is that the music gives me a head start if I want to socialise.....it's a good ice-breaker if I feel confident enough to follow it through, and if I don't, then at least I've performed.

Very true, though if it's at the end of a show, I'm usually busy tearing things down and can always "hide behind" that work.

The euphoria concept is interesting. I think it makes me feel somewhat detached from the time and place in general, and that makes it almost easier to talk with people. People that usually tell me, "Great job!" seem like they are somewhere else in a way... like I'm floating up on a cloud somewhere, and it's easier to nod and smile from there. What I find harder are totally enthusiastic but inflated compliments such as, "You're the most awesome fiddler I've ever heard!" How do you respond to something like that?

I believe that people give musicians leeway to be a little strange. It works to our advantage!

When you ask, have I performed live? It's a difficult question to answer in one sentence.

When it comes to acting, choir singing, musical theatre, and stage performance I can answer with a definite yes. I've been doing this stuff since the age of four. The largest live audience I have ever performed in front of (as part of a group) would be around 100,000. The largest live audience I have performed solo in front of would be around 3,000. As far as performing solo goes, I do this practically every week as it is part of my job. I've also done a lot of filmed and televised performance.

However, this is all performing pre-written music and script; a.k.a. other peoples work. When it comes to my own stuff, well...

I have performed live before, three times I think. I won $50 the second time (it was a talent competition and I placed third). All in front of very small audiences compared to what I'm used to (50 to 100 at absolute most), but the nerves were overpowering, and caused me to screw up the piano badly on every occasion.

I think it's partly to do with piano playing too; although I am a confident singer, performer, and actor, I am certainly not a confident pianist. The very thought of playing piano in public always makes me sweat. I think if I wrote an original acapella piece for solo voice without piano (which I haven't done yet), things would be different. Although, the nerves from playing original stuff in public also spring from the soul revealing and vulnerability that come part and parcel with it. Acting/singing/performing other people's stuff is almost oppositional (especially acting), it is more of a hiding of oneself/a masking of oneself, that I do confidently and with ease.

Have you considered doing the same thing with your own music? While your music is very personal (and quite good, too), maybe you could approach it as if you were performing someone else's work. Alternatively, maybe you could create or develop a persona to assume while performing. Creating and developing your music can be very personal and leave you feeling vulnerable, but perhaps doing something to "distance" yourself from your music during performances can help.

Just a thought...take it for what it's worth.

Thankyou for the thought, DarrylZero, I do appreciate it. I'd consider doing so except I am very particular with my artwork; it has to be done just right, exactly how it was intended. Thus I guess I forcibly expose myself hahaha.

Wow, that was beautiful. You are quite talented, and I wouldn't be surprised at all, to see you make it big someday. Very impressive.

Point taken about performing original music......if it's a "cover song" then any "blame" is shared with the original author, but with self-penned stuff there's only one person to blame.

I've no idea how anybody can play some of those complicated piano scores at all, let alone perform them in a live situation. And I wouldn't attempt to play anything unless I'd got through it perfectly several times during rehearsals. It's probably a lot easier to stick to that rule with popular music, which is generally easier in the first place (though not always). I live in fear of forgetting the words, and won't perform a song unless I've been able to comfortably remember the words at least a week before the performance.



Yes, exagerrated compliments can throw me too. I get quite embarrassed if anybody tells me I'm absolutely brilliant, because I know my music is never that flawless - though it's amazing how many mistakes I can make before anybody seems to notice. Still, I guess they're just using exagerration to achieve emphasis, they're not really trying to pretend I'm perfect, so I guess the best response is to internally "translate" their compliments into something a little more finite, and then reply as if they'd just said "I quite enjoyed that."

Euphoria was the only word I could think of to describe how I feel after playing, and these days it's fairly appropriate to call it that, though when I was less accustomed to peforming I felt more fazed than euphoric. I've noticed this in some other performers as well - one guy was doing the compering as well as playing himself, and after his spot he was forgetting some of the key elements of the compering job, until he'd settled down again. But I've been performing about 120 songs in maybe 20 performances per year since 2006, which has removed a lot of the anxiety.

Very true about artists being "allowed" to be a little more eccentric than everybody else.....that works in our favour

I usually respond nicely, but internally I translate that to, "Wow, you have no idea what you're talking about... but still, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself." I definitely focus on making others happy, as I find it's one of the principal ways I achieve happiness myself. I most enjoy playing for dances, as there is the greatest potential to see outward euphoria on the dancers' faces. It's an amazing feeling to see and to think that I am the principal cause of it! That thought gets me through tougher days.

I completely understand! People are like that for me too (although, it's generally just my close friends I refer too - I haven't really performed my music live for anyone much else). Like, "wow that's so amazing!" even while the piece was riddled with errors. I too find it uncomfortable, so I tend to deny it, which leads to a sort of argument where the other person is trying to insist you're good while you're trying to deny it at the same time; not the best situation. I've never thought of translating the compliment though, what a good idea!

I know that although I am a professional singer (to clarify, I classify myself as "professional" both because I am employed as a singer and because of my life experience plus my completed grades in voice), I am a raw beginner when it comes to being a composer and a pianist. I have a long road to travel, and I look forward to every step of the way.

New song I just uploaded.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AY9LjkaTjPo