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TheCynicalSun
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16 Dec 2009, 3:07 pm

Honestly I mean nothing by this, but I feel in some sort of way people are sorta desperate to find a soul mate. How far have we fallen where we are searching every corner for someone?
I mean, I'm not the most social person. I'm extremely introverted and barely let anyone get to know me. I'm extremely isolated. And when someone does like me it feels good. But it doesn't mean that I need to go out with them.
Why are we in this mode where we need someone to complete us?
I don't need anyone to complete me, I am complete by myself. And if I'm alone that is fine, but if I have someone that is fine as well. People don't give me strength, I give myself strength.
I know I haven't been the most happiest person, suffering from great deals of depression. But I always find myself picking myself up. I think that someone should be able to pick themselves up, and that it should only be a nice gesture when someone helps you out.
Why are were craving and almost begging for there to be someone in our lives?



ImNotOk
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16 Dec 2009, 3:30 pm

"To dare to be alone is the rarest courage, since there are many who had rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, then their own hearts in their closet." ~ C.C. Colton 1825


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ManErg
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16 Dec 2009, 3:59 pm

Well, you decided to share your joy at being alone with a whole bunch of people :) Takes other people to listen.


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anna-banana
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16 Dec 2009, 4:34 pm

I agree with you completely OP.


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TheCynicalSun
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16 Dec 2009, 5:55 pm

ManErg wrote:
Well, you decided to share your joy at being alone with a whole bunch of people :) Takes other people to listen.



I'm just expressing how it becomes almost annoying that people are begging for love.

I have the impulse to say stuff.



leejosepho
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16 Dec 2009, 6:29 pm

TheCynicalSun wrote:
Honestly I mean nothing by this, but I feel in some sort of way people are sorta desperate to find a soul mate. How far have we fallen where we are searching every corner for someone? ...
Why are we in this mode where we need someone to complete us? ...
Why are were craving and almost begging for there to be someone in our lives?


First, simply because people need people. Yes, some folks can be just fine alone, of course, but *very* few could ever survive truly on their own. I would guess there is not one man or woman here on this forum who has built his or her own shelter and has grown or gathered all of his or her own food and who has made all of his or her own clothes, computer, furniture, utensils, tools, etc., etc.

At the other extreme, TV and movies and the like often portray an unrealistic image of life for people to whine about not having ...

... but here where the most of the rest of us live, shared lives can be a true blessing.


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Last edited by leejosepho on 16 Dec 2009, 6:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

HopeGrows
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16 Dec 2009, 6:35 pm

OP, my impression is that AS can make some people feel very socially isolated, so some Aspies place a premium on finding that one special person they can relate to, that will understand and accept them, and ultimately, love them. I think most NTs would like someone special to share the journey with, even if they are self-reliant and independent by nature. It's just another way to feel anchored in a very big world.



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16 Dec 2009, 9:16 pm

ImNotOk wrote:
"To dare to be alone is the rarest courage, since there are many who had rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, then their own hearts in their closet." ~ C.C. Colton 1825
cool quote


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TheCynicalSun
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16 Dec 2009, 11:25 pm

HopeGrows wrote:
OP, my impression is that AS can make some people feel very socially isolated, so some Aspies place a premium on finding that one special person they can relate to, that will understand and accept them, and ultimately, love them. I think most NTs would like someone special to share the journey with, even if they are self-reliant and independent by nature. It's just another way to feel anchored in a very big world.


I think I've stopped anchoring to people. Really I see no need for relationships any more. If I do have one, that's great makes me feel nice. But I've gotten to the point where I can't trust nor care enough for a person.
Every thing they do, every thing they say, I somehow have to look at it with an ulterior motive with it. I just can't let things be.

Most of the time when talking to people, I've been through enough that I've become a ghostly observer, when I watch body language, hear a certain in their voice, etc.
I can see the reality of people. It's like people try to be real, but they are just really really fake.

I can understand I'm lonely and would like to share it with one person. But that doesn't mean you need to get desperate and start searching all over the place for someone.
That's needy.



therange
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16 Dec 2009, 11:40 pm

OP, I used to be like the people you're talking about on this site, wanting one person to complete me, yada yada yada. My reasons for wanting a girlfriend now are completely different. Like you, I've come to the conclusion that only I really truly know myself, and my family knows me very well too for people who aren't inside my body living my life. I don't need anyone else to "understand me" to make me feel like a better or more complete person.

I want (don't need) a girlfriend now because I want someone of the opposite sex to be friends with that I can also make love with. I don't need her to be a "female me" or like the same things I do, or be aspie. In fact, I'd prefer that she didn't. I just want (once again, I don't need it) female company with someone that's easy on the eyes and not a bad person to be around.

I think some of the posters on here that always talk about needing a girlfriend would scare her away with their neediness and low self-image.

That's why self-love is the most important of all. I battle depression, but I don't hate myself.



amazon_television
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16 Dec 2009, 11:42 pm

therange wrote:


I think some of the posters on here that always talk about needing a girlfriend would scare her away with their neediness and low self-image.

That's why self-love is the most important of all. I battle depression, but I don't hate myself.


+1


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TheCynicalSun
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17 Dec 2009, 12:00 am

therange wrote:
OP, I used to be like the people you're talking about on this site, wanting one person to complete me, yada yada yada. My reasons for wanting a girlfriend now are completely different. Like you, I've come to the conclusion that only I really truly know myself, and my family knows me very well too for people who aren't inside my body living my life. I don't need anyone else to "understand me" to make me feel like a better or more complete person.

I want (don't need) a girlfriend now because I want someone of the opposite sex to be friends with that I can also make love with. I don't need her to be a "female me" or like the same things I do, or be aspie. In fact, I'd prefer that she didn't. I just want (once again, I don't need it) female company with someone that's easy on the eyes and not a bad person to be around.

I think some of the posters on here that always talk about needing a girlfriend would scare her away with their neediness and low self-image.

That's why self-love is the most important of all. I battle depression, but I don't hate myself.



I understand...but don't at the same time.



HopeGrows
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17 Dec 2009, 12:47 am

Yeah, OP....I don't know...maybe the search for a significant other is part of some greater developmental process. It could be neediness, I suppose...could be determination? I guess it all depends on the seeker's motivation, and the sacrifices the person is willing to make.

There is something about meeting someone special that can cause you to look at your life from a whole different perspective....and that makes everything seem new and interesting and possible. Like there are still great adventures to be had. It can be kind of intoxicating - maybe people are just looking for that feeling?



AspiRob
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17 Dec 2009, 4:16 am

TheCynicalSun wrote:
Honestly I mean nothing by this, but I feel in some sort of way people are sorta desperate to find a soul mate. How far have we fallen where we are searching every corner for someone?

Why are were craving and almost begging for there to be someone in our lives?


I have often asked myself the same thing. I guess part of it is biological urge (the good ol' sex drive at work ensuring the continuation of the human race). Part of it is expectations put on us by our parents to continue the family line. I think a major part of it is people thinking others will devalue them if they are seen to be single. I know lots of guys who worry that others will think they are "unmanly" if they don't have a woman. Perhaps women feel the same way if they don't have a man? Ironically, despite my AS basically ending any chance I have of getting a GF, I have never had an issue with my masculinity - go figure.


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Tim_Tex
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17 Dec 2009, 4:54 am

Why do people feel that they have to settle?


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TheCynicalSun
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17 Dec 2009, 2:14 pm

HopeGrows wrote:
Yeah, OP....I don't know...maybe the search for a significant other is part of some greater developmental process. It could be neediness, I suppose...could be determination? I guess it all depends on the seeker's motivation, and the sacrifices the person is willing to make.

There is something about meeting someone special that can cause you to look at your life from a whole different perspective....and that makes everything seem new and interesting and possible. Like there are still great adventures to be had. It can be kind of intoxicating - maybe people are just looking for that feeling?


I guess I don't quite understand that. Couldn't the person you meet that is special not bee from you searching so hard?

I mean yes, I understand you want to meet that special person. But why be so needy about it?