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Tim_Tex
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28 Dec 2009, 8:30 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
I feel that I can only get a woman with low self-esteem.

I am not the people that anyone would want to date, because:

1. I am a Christian and vote Republican.
2. I am not vegan.
3. I do not drive a Prius.
4. I do not wear worn-out blue jeans and a Che Guevara T-shirt everywhere I go.


Assuming you are not joking, you may have a warped sense of what women want. It's not your fault -- the media, especially MTV and cable networks, have made quite a nice dollar off of peddling an image and a subculture that drives the max amount of advertising dollars and consumer spending.

Addressing your concerns here:
1. Not a problem, judging by most of the recent elections, at least 50% of the country holds your views. At least 25% of that 50% are women, some in your age range.

2. Also not a problem -- I've never had to date a vegan or vegetarian. Plenty of women like to go to town on a nice rack of ribs.

3. See above -- most people don't.

4. Lots of people despise that pop culture image, even in trendy places. This is the great part about the variety of life, and everyone likes variety.


I feel like I am not the person that someone would actually be interested in dating. I am the type that people settle for when they can't get anyone else.

To many people, "Christian" means "intolerant prick", rather than a follower of Jesus Christ.

Also, I like the Simpsons, South Park, and artsy independent/foreign films, and I don't think sex should be strictly for procreation. But many of the people with the same interests tend to be artsy hipsters, who generally refuse to date Christians who vote Republican.

Also, I need the partner to be an Aspie.


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billsmithglendale
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29 Dec 2009, 10:58 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
I feel that I can only get a woman with low self-esteem.

I am not the people that anyone would want to date, because:

1. I am a Christian and vote Republican.
2. I am not vegan.
3. I do not drive a Prius.
4. I do not wear worn-out blue jeans and a Che Guevara T-shirt everywhere I go.


Assuming you are not joking, you may have a warped sense of what women want. It's not your fault -- the media, especially MTV and cable networks, have made quite a nice dollar off of peddling an image and a subculture that drives the max amount of advertising dollars and consumer spending.

Addressing your concerns here:
1. Not a problem, judging by most of the recent elections, at least 50% of the country holds your views. At least 25% of that 50% are women, some in your age range.

2. Also not a problem -- I've never had to date a vegan or vegetarian. Plenty of women like to go to town on a nice rack of ribs.

3. See above -- most people don't.

4. Lots of people despise that pop culture image, even in trendy places. This is the great part about the variety of life, and everyone likes variety.


I feel like I am not the person that someone would actually be interested in dating. I am the type that people settle for when they can't get anyone else.

To many people, "Christian" means "intolerant prick", rather than a follower of Jesus Christ.

Also, I like the Simpsons, South Park, and artsy independent/foreign films, and I don't think sex should be strictly for procreation. But many of the people with the same interests tend to be artsy hipsters, who generally refuse to date Christians who vote Republican.

Also, I need the partner to be an Aspie.


Well, in a lot of cases it does mean intolerant prick, but I like your definition better, assuming you actually do follow the rules like not judging others lest ye be judged, etc. :) Even if you were an intolerant prick, there are plenty of female counterparts out there. I meet them all the time -- just go somewhere conservative (like a country bar, a shooting range, a rodeo, etc.)

Your interests above, including sex for recreation, somewhat liberal (though you may not realize it) Christian views,and eclectic film tastes, would make you well suited for many women out there. You just have to look in the right places -- not bars and clubs, which tend to have the floozy/empty headed women who won't choose thinking men like you, but instead art galleries, coffee shops, poetry readings, niche film showings, art fairs, renaissance fairs, science fiction conventions (but pick a show women actually watch, like Firefly or Farscape) etc. These are the places that women who like the things you do go to, and the best chance to meet someone who meshes with you. Your somewhat more conservative views will make you more interesting and fun to talk to, as long as you watch your mouth, listen as much as you talk, and at the end of the day, laugh about it and not act as if the conversation you just had is going to become law or something.

The Aspie-only thing severely narrows down the choices, so I wouldn't get fixated on that. Odd are if you follow your interests to their social outlet, you will likely meet people on the spectrum anyways, but don't assume Aspies are always perfect for eachother. I, for one, would have trouble dealing with someone who was too much like myself.

Take a moment to think about yourself and the image you project. Find a way to turn things around so that you are being the picky and choosy one (which you are, but no one knows it yet), to project your hobby tastes and interests in a way that will grab the right people. Women want someone who is selective and not in a rush to get a girlfriend without knowing for sure it is the right person, so don't be too anxious. And don't be so down on yourself -- there are women out there for you, I promise.



Tim_Tex
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29 Dec 2009, 5:41 pm

I feel that an Aspie is the only type of person who will tolerate my differences, and indifference about social class.

Because of the content in some indie/foreign films, trying to get a Christian to watch those films is like trying to get them to watch porn--they will only do it if forced.


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billsmithglendale
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30 Dec 2009, 12:52 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
I feel that an Aspie is the only type of person who will tolerate my differences, and indifference about social class.

Because of the content in some indie/foreign films, trying to get a Christian to watch those films is like trying to get them to watch porn--they will only do it if forced.


Yes -- so you might have to accept marrying or dating someone who isn't a devout Christian, but respects your lifestyle and views. Your personal relationship with God could be very different than theirs, but at the end of the day, you both could end up in the same place in terms of intent and doing good works. Even the last Pope (and I'm not assuming you are Catholic) basically said that all religions have a common goal of good works, which is what God presumably intends.

I think you're stereotyping Aspies a bit -- it could be just as possible that they won't understand or be able to tolerate Aspie symptoms in others. Sometimes we dislike things in other people that are very much a part of our own personalities. Personally, I have a hard time dealing with other Aspies (though I'm more an edge case and not diagnosed) in a romantic context.



Tim_Tex
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30 Dec 2009, 4:42 pm

My only hope is someone whose self-esteem is as low or lower than mine.


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billsmithglendale
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30 Dec 2009, 5:03 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
My only hope is someone whose self-esteem is as low or lower than mine.


That's a self-fulfilling prophecy, and you are going to end up aiming too low and regretting it. If you have children, they are going to feed into that same lack of confidence (I speak from experience) and they also will have miserable lives.

Fix the self-esteem problem, and I think the romantic issue will fix itself. It's amazing how much more popular you become, and how much luck turns your way, when you have confidence and are happy regardless.



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30 Dec 2009, 8:46 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
My only hope is someone whose self-esteem is as low or lower than mine.


That's a self-fulfilling prophecy, and you are going to end up aiming too low and regretting it. If you have children, they are going to feed into that same lack of confidence (I speak from experience) and they also will have miserable lives.

Fix the self-esteem problem, and I think the romantic issue will fix itself. It's amazing how much more popular you become, and how much luck turns your way, when you have confidence and are happy regardless.


I try my best. I have very mild AS, and I have been in an AS-AS relationship before, so I know what to expect.


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aussiebloke
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24 Feb 2010, 8:41 pm

am not the people that anyone would want to date, because:

1. I am a Christian and vote Republican.
2. I am not vegan.
3. I do not drive a Prius.
4. I do not wear worn-out blue jeans and a Che Guevara T-shirt everywhere I go.

I think you mean the AS ladies Tim ? yeah probably :? , even so you seem quite popular with the ladies here .

I get a 1.5 out of 4.

1. Don't vote , even though it's mandatory voting here in Australia, still haven't got a fine yet. :)

2. I love animals that's why I'm vegan :)

3. Pirus, South Park where right to go after these "smug" people , ride a bike or catch a bus if your a green believer.

4. rip jeans .5 Che Guevara :roll:



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24 Feb 2010, 8:48 pm

edit



Last edited by aussiebloke on 24 Feb 2010, 8:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Homer_Bob
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24 Feb 2010, 8:53 pm

If someone was ever in love or is in love with me, I have absolutely no idea. I'll admit I tend to attach myself to girls quite easily and go through periods of wanting a certain girl. I can't say I love any of them even though I fantasize about loving them in my fantasies. Still, if I were to love someone I probably most likely would never tell them, it would have to happen to the right person and be at the right place. To me I feel there aren't any girls I can love because the ones I know either aren't my type or they are taken. Plus nowadays finding a quality single girl is like trying to find a good job; there's none out there unless you have a really good resume and experience which I have neither. Now to answer the question without going off topic, my self esteem is very low and I feel I don't have a chance on the open market right now.


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25 Feb 2010, 12:57 am

rmgh wrote:
Has anyone been in love with someone who's in love with you too, but it never works because of your extremely low self esteem and self loath? Or anything similar?


yep yep yep! :D