(Warning! (Im)Mature Content!)
A friend of mine emailed this to me:
Quote:
This is the situation: There is a beautiful princess trapped in a
castle guarded by a dragon. Here is the end of the story with
different kinds of metalheads as knights.
* POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes
from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an
enchanted forest.
* THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the
princess and f***s her.
* HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon,
drinks a few beers and f***s the princess.
* FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing
acordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon
falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........
without the princess.
* VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty
axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals
her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
* DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, f***s the princess and
kills her, then leaves.
* BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it
in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her
blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess
next to the dragon.
* GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in
front of the castle, f***s the princess and kills her. Then he f***s
the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he
f***s the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and f***s it
for the last time.
* DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he
could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The
dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of
the sad story.
* PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes.
The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to
the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and
tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess
escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.
* GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and
lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the
castle in a beautiful pink colour.
* NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to
fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes
catch fire.
* HARD ROCK
The protagonist bums a ride to the castle. Shoots the dragon with his unregistered handgun that he traded for an old rack mount reverb. Goes in to the castle to save the princess, but gets side tracked while walking through the castle kitchen and stops to make a sandwich and watch some television.
Finally, hours later...........he makes his way up to the princess, f***s her and then agrees to save her if she will take him shopping for some new clothes and a new guitar. He then borrows her car to make their get away
_________________
"And lo, the beast looked upon the face of beauty. And beauty stayed his hand. And from that day on, he was as one dead."
21 Feb 2006, 11:11 pm
