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harlequinsenor
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19 Dec 2009, 11:51 pm

I see a lot of people posting about their ex's... I'm 25 years old and have never had a girlfriend. I've managed by nothing short of a miracle to have had sex several times throughout my life (mostly through the aid of alcohol during college), but never been able to make anything significant of it afterward. I'd give anything to have an ex to brag about.



jimybhoy
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20 Dec 2009, 12:02 am

trust me you don't there is nothing worse than opening yourself and then getting hurt it just don't get better over night either there are a lot of hurtful emotions to go through then theres the gradually letting someone new in if you can.



ToadOfSteel
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20 Dec 2009, 12:14 am

I think the OP isn't getting as much about wishing he had an ex, but rather that he had the experience of the relationship. I can say, even now after it being over for some time, that every moment of my previous relationship was definitely worth it. For the first time since I was 14, I had an energy and motivation that was awe-inspiring. Because, for one short month, my life mattered. And apparently, it showed, because I somehow pulled a 3.4 GPA this semester, which is one of my highest semester GPAs in my college career (the only time I got higher was when all my courses were incredibly easy, as opposed to this time where I had a massive project in each one)



Esther
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20 Dec 2009, 12:16 am

And I'd give anything NOT to have an ex to brag about. In fact, it's not something I talk about to anyone except my family. It is painful painful painful. It feels like my entire body is submerged and I barely have my nose and mouth above water, like I can drown at any minute.



harlequinsenor
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20 Dec 2009, 12:18 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
I think the OP isn't getting as much about wishing he had an ex, but rather that he had the experience of the relationship. I can say, even now after it being over for some time, that every moment of my previous relationship was definitely worth it. For the first time since I was 14, I had an energy and motivation that was awe-inspiring. Because, for one short month, my life mattered. And apparently, it showed, because I somehow pulled a 3.4 GPA this semester, which is one of my highest semester GPAs in my college career (the only time I got higher was when all my courses were incredibly easy, as opposed to this time where I had a massive project in each one)


Yeah that's pretty much exactly it...

However, I think even having a failed relationship... regardless of how it turned out... would give me the confidence to pursue something better and more meaningful. I know it sounds pathetic, but I'd give anything for at least a failed relationship so that I can learn from it if anything.



Esther
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20 Dec 2009, 12:19 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
I think the OP isn't getting as much about wishing he had an ex, but rather that he had the experience of the relationship.


Yes, I know what you mean, TofS. I agree.



elderwanda
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20 Dec 2009, 1:35 am

harlequinsenor wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
I think the OP isn't getting as much about wishing he had an ex, but rather that he had the experience of the relationship. I can say, even now after it being over for some time, that every moment of my previous relationship was definitely worth it. For the first time since I was 14, I had an energy and motivation that was awe-inspiring. Because, for one short month, my life mattered. And apparently, it showed, because I somehow pulled a 3.4 GPA this semester, which is one of my highest semester GPAs in my college career (the only time I got higher was when all my courses were incredibly easy, as opposed to this time where I had a massive project in each one)


Yeah that's pretty much exactly it...

However, I think even having a failed relationship... regardless of how it turned out... would give me the confidence to pursue something better and more meaningful. I know it sounds pathetic, but I'd give anything for at least a failed relationship so that I can learn from it if anything.


Ah, but the thing you have to understand is that a relationship with Person A isn't necessarily going to prepare you for a relationship with Person B. Each partner is a unique individual, with different needs, tastes, and desires. That goes for emotional, friendship stuff, as well as sexual stuff. Your ex might have loved it when you [touch her a certain way, do a certain special thing for her, etc], but your next girlfriend might not like that at all, and you'll have to discover what works for you both as a couple. Each relationship has it's own rules.



20 Dec 2009, 1:41 am

I still talk about my ex's sometimes and it isn't painful. I used to talk about them all the time because it hurt. Even though you break up with them and you are not hurt you broke up with them, you are still hurt by how they treated you. I was just angry.



harlequinsenor
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20 Dec 2009, 2:03 am

elderwanda wrote:
harlequinsenor wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
I think the OP isn't getting as much about wishing he had an ex, but rather that he had the experience of the relationship. I can say, even now after it being over for some time, that every moment of my previous relationship was definitely worth it. For the first time since I was 14, I had an energy and motivation that was awe-inspiring. Because, for one short month, my life mattered. And apparently, it showed, because I somehow pulled a 3.4 GPA this semester, which is one of my highest semester GPAs in my college career (the only time I got higher was when all my courses were incredibly easy, as opposed to this time where I had a massive project in each one)


Yeah that's pretty much exactly it...

However, I think even having a failed relationship... regardless of how it turned out... would give me the confidence to pursue something better and more meaningful. I know it sounds pathetic, but I'd give anything for at least a failed relationship so that I can learn from it if anything.


Ah, but the thing you have to understand is that a relationship with Person A isn't necessarily going to prepare you for a relationship with Person B. Each partner is a unique individual, with different needs, tastes, and desires. That goes for emotional, friendship stuff, as well as sexual stuff. Your ex might have loved it when you [touch her a certain way, do a certain special thing for her, etc], but your next girlfriend might not like that at all, and you'll have to discover what works for you both as a couple. Each relationship has it's own rules.


No offense, but... I don't care... Girl A vs. Girl B? Give me GIRL X!

I cannot talk to girls... I can barely talk to other people outside of immediate family. I've lost all of my friends that I had in childhood and I cannot hold a job even though I have an elite university education.

It hurts even more so because girls tend to flock to me... in the supermarket, while checking my mail, while at Taco Bell... they expect me to respond appropriately, yet I can't even look at them in the eye. It's more humiliating than if they had never even noticed me at all. Sometimes I wish I were ugly.



Jak
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20 Dec 2009, 3:07 am

I think I'm going to be alone too. My situation isn't quite the same in that I have had previous partners but now it seems I am destined to be alone.



Esther
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20 Dec 2009, 3:47 am

harlequinsenor wrote:
It hurts even more so because girls tend to flock to me... in the supermarket, while checking my mail, while at Taco Bell... they expect me to respond appropriately, yet I can't even look at them in the eye. It's more humiliating than if they had never even noticed me at all. Sometimes I wish I were ugly.


Haha. That's so funny. We're two for two now, harlequinsenor, in wanting the opposite. If I wasn't unattractive, maybe I could have held on to my ex a bit longer.

Are you active on dating websites? Maybe you can try that avenue?

And you know, Spokane_Girl, the thing that worries me is that my ex did unforgivable things to me that make me so angry when I remember them. So why do I still think about him with fondness? I've a screw loose in my brain somewhere.



blue_bean
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20 Dec 2009, 4:27 am

I don't feel lucky for having ex boyfriends. I feel lucky that the boyfriends I had are now ex's :P.



Hector
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20 Dec 2009, 6:25 am

The up-side of having no past relationships is that if you ever do get into a relationship then your partner will know that you have nobody in your past to compare them with.



makuranososhi
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20 Dec 2009, 6:27 am

Hector wrote:
The up-side of having no past relationships is that if you ever do get into a relationship then your partner will know that you have nobody in your past to compare them with.


The downside is that you have no point of comparison to know what you yourself want.


M.


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Hector
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20 Dec 2009, 6:31 am

makuranososhi wrote:
Hector wrote:
The up-side of having no past relationships is that if you ever do get into a relationship then your partner will know that you have nobody in your past to compare them with.


The downside is that you have no point of comparison to know what you yourself want.

Addressing your use of the definite article, there are a few other downsides I can think of as well. Another one is that your partner may doubt your own worthiness, depending on how old you are and their attitude. Also that you kind of have to remain silent whenever your friends discuss past relationships, which is a bit uncomfortable. You also may have no idea what it takes to find someone, anyone. But hey, at least it's not all bad.



makuranososhi
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20 Dec 2009, 6:48 am

Was providing counterpoint; there are other upsides. Lack of baggage; lack of preconceptions based on experience (this does not preclude those from fantasy or upbringing); self-control. It's all a matter of perspective, and what you're looking for. Personally, I think experience works to advantage, both in better knowing what one as an individual wants themselves and in knowing that your partner chose you over other experiences instead of wondering what other possibilities might be out there that they chose to miss out on.


M.


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My thanks to all the wonderful members here; I will miss the opportunity to continue to learn and work with you.

For those who seek an alternative, it is coming.

So long, and thanks for all the fish!