The real problem for us aspies on the dating scene

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Spuddy
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22 Dec 2009, 2:59 pm

For me, the humor and talking part comes very easily, while the problem lies in that fact that anything that isn't educational usually bores me very quickly. People come to me to talk or hang out, not the other way around. I'm very thankful for my friends, who give me actual life experiences, but at the same time it's the memory that I actually cherish, and not the actual things we do. I look back on going to the arcade as a good time, but ask anyone when it's time to go and I'll always be the first to respond. Sucks! I need to meet some trivia/science nuts lol



Salonfilosoof
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22 Dec 2009, 3:17 pm

Spuddy wrote:
I'm very thankful for my friends, who give me actual life experiences, but at the same time it's the memory that I actually cherish, and not the actual things we do. I look back on going to the arcade as a good time, but ask anyone when it's time to go and I'll always be the first to respond.


This sounds familiar. To be succesful in social interaction, you must engage in all sorts of social activities you aren't really interested in just to please the people who are. This happens at work, among friends and even in a relationship. I think many Aspies have problems making serious friendships because they do not fake interest in another person's interests and thereby do not allow the other person (if he or she is NT) to establish an empathic connection with them because if you don't fake interest you're commonly dismissed as someone who's only interested in talking about his own interests which is considered selfish by NT people.

In know it makes no sense to fake interest when you want an honest and serious friendship or love relationship, but I've learned that empathic people simply require this to establish an empathic band with you. Of course, you should always try to actually have fun when you're faking an interest, because if you're not having any fun at all social interaction becomes a purpose on it's own which isn't a good solution either.

NTs don't always make sense. That should be obvious to the Aspies out here :wink:



Kilroy
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22 Dec 2009, 3:19 pm

aspies make less sense



Salonfilosoof
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22 Dec 2009, 4:37 pm

Kilroy wrote:
aspies make less sense


I beg to differ. The systematic behavior of Aspies makes more sense than the emotionally directed behavior of empathic people.



Kilroy
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22 Dec 2009, 4:45 pm

Salonfilosoof wrote:
Kilroy wrote:
aspies make less sense


I beg to differ. The systematic behavior of Aspies makes more sense than the emotionally directed behavior of empathic people.

I disagree but its how I feel



Salonfilosoof
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22 Dec 2009, 4:54 pm

Kilroy wrote:
Salonfilosoof wrote:
Kilroy wrote:
aspies make less sense


I beg to differ. The systematic behavior of Aspies makes more sense than the emotionally directed behavior of empathic people.

I disagree but its how I feel


I meant to say "in my opinion ..." but I left that part out by accident :?