Is this normal behavior for children?

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KevinLA
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24 Dec 2009, 4:55 pm

We have 2 children over as guests. Ages 8 and 3. They are relatives.
One has ADHD, and the other might as well. They both seem out of control.

The children are raiding the pantry every day.

Is this normal behavior for even an NT child? Are the parents not doing a good job of disciplining them?



jat
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24 Dec 2009, 5:58 pm

Different households run differently, in terms of whether children that age are permitted to get snacks for themselves. That being said, however, it seems a bit ... presumptuous for guests to be in the pantry without permission at all. If they're going to be there for any length of time, you need to lay out some ground rules with the parents about how you want your household to run. If it's important to the parents to have snacks for the kids to take themselves, there should be designated snacks for them - they shouldn't be able to ransack your entire kitchen!



csimon
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24 Dec 2009, 7:23 pm

If you only have the kids at your home and not the parents then I think you should lay ground rules with the kids and stick to them. They need guidelines and limits or they'll think they have free reign. They sound like typical kids NT or not.



ManErg
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24 Dec 2009, 7:54 pm

It's Christmas Eve!! ! Kids are going crazy whipped into a frenzy by the consumer culture driven mass media!

The kids sound perfectly normal. Doing as you're told, being easily controlled, obeying orders is no sign of normality...


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t0
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25 Dec 2009, 11:37 am

KevinLA wrote:
Is this normal behavior for even an NT child? Are the parents not doing a good job of disciplining them?


Agree with the other poster that you need to set the rules for your house. If the kids aren't following the rules, you probably need to come up with an appropriate punishment (consult parents for this). It's often easier to push kids toward something positive rather than pushing them away from anything.



Vivienne
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26 Dec 2009, 2:59 pm

Until you tell them the rules, you can't expect them to follow them.
I'd think that this was normal behaviour in their household, and so they don't expect you to be upset. They might be excited by all the possibilities in your fridge, and I don't know one child who has ANY self control on Christmas. Very few adults do even.

If you tell them the rules often, ie; "please ask an adult to get you some food if you are hungry", and they still raid the pantry, then perhaps they have little impulse control. Rather than getting angry, try putting a childproof lock on the pantry or tying the doors closed with a string. Leave some fruit out in a bowl on the table and make sure they know they can have as much as they want.

Honestly, I think they're just excited and hungry. As for discipline, most parents don't discipline their kids for wanting food.



natesmom
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26 Dec 2009, 3:38 pm

KevinLA wrote:
We have 2 children over as guests. Ages 8 and 3. They are relatives.
One has ADHD, and the other might as well. They both seem out of control.

The children are raiding the pantry every day.

Is this normal behavior for even an NT child? Are the parents not doing a good job of disciplining them?


NT child? Spoiled child? Hyper child due to exciting day? Sugar snacks? So many reasons, so many. My child who has AS who is not ADHD was and is still so much easier than my other two year old son (of course he could be on the spectrum, too).

I agree with others have said. Vivienne stated it well. It could be normal behavior for the kids in their household so they are like that other places. Sometimes parents don't know boundaries themselves or have different ideas on what is acceptable. If a child came to their house and opened the pantry, they may think nothing about it. Chances are that one or both parents have ADHD themselves. If that's the case, the parents may just be distracted with the festivities and may find it difficult or may just be overwhelmed with it all and shut down.

It sounds like an extended stay so the whole distractible component only goes so far unless there is a lot of activity all the time. At first I thought it was just a one day thing. You said "raiding everyday." How long are they staying for?

Unfortunately that is when the host has to tell the kids/guests the rules of the house.