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cosmiccat
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25 Dec 2009, 2:29 pm

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i'm wondering if there is something i have said or done to make people here dislike me without realising it? it just seems like lately everytime i try to join in on a topic, as soon as i make a post the conversation comes to a halt. earlier i was on and found at least a dozen posts that interested me and that seemed quite active before i posted, so i posted on them and poof----the conversation stops.


Ah yes, this all sounds very familiar to me. I used to think it was about me, that something I said stopped the thread from continuing on, but now, I have to agree, it's in the timing. No one, or no group of posters, has found my name somewhere on a secret list of people who should be ignored. I've killed my share of threads and I suppose I will go on to kill more, it's inevitable. Don't take it to heart. Many, many, WP members have had those same thoughts about being ignored, or that they have said something or things that are inappropriate and are now being shunned by the group. Like "Oh, there's that damned Cosmiccat again. Let's all ignore her, maybe she'll go away." :D It isn't that way, but it took me a long time to realize that.

Long live Starving Artist. :D



starvingartist
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25 Dec 2009, 2:29 pm

Transplantman wrote:
I don't know about threadkiller, but your post sounds kind of like the things i say when I'm having panic attacks. If someone I'm currently interested in (friendly or otherwise) neglects to call me or return my messages for a few days I get intense paranoia and FREAK OUT.


i don't get panic attacks that often, but i do get paranoid so i know what you mean--and i can never tell that i'm being paranoid until the whole thing is passed and i look back at it later.

btw i love your avatar pic :) such a good movie



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25 Dec 2009, 2:33 pm

It also happens if I'm worried about people's opinions of me, though I've done my best to relax in that area (can't make everyone happy). But that feeling that there are rumours going around or I'm not wanted......



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25 Dec 2009, 2:48 pm

Transplantman wrote:
It also happens if I'm worried about people's opinions of me, though I've done my best to relax in that area (can't make everyone happy). But that feeling that there are rumours going around or I'm not wanted......


for me i think the paranoia is sort of an overcompensation for times in my life when i should have been more vigilant and wary of others and their intentions and wasn't, and so payed quite a heavy price for it. i believe the term is "hypervigilance", and many victims of assault, bullying, and abuse struggle with this. it's a horrible feeling, like no one else is going to look out for you so you BETTER do the best job you can yourself or god only knows what people will do to you. hard not to be paranoid with a history like that.



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25 Dec 2009, 2:52 pm

anyway thank you all for posting, i appreciate you taking the time, and i understand now it's not always all about me. in general i do feel safer here than i do in most other places, and that says a lot about the people on this forum :)



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25 Dec 2009, 8:24 pm

starvingartist wrote:
example: other person - "i wish you would try to be more aware of my feelings"
me - "how can i be aware of your feelings if you don't tell me what they are?"
other person - "i shouldn't have to tell you"
me - "but you do have to tell me. i'm not psychic"
other person - "well maybe you should be, because i shouldn't have to explain all my feelings to you. aren't you human?"


ah HA! so this is the crux of the matter. I have the Asperger's Syndrome and one of the manifestations of AS it not processing the facial expressions and body language of other people. When they say 'you should be able to tell' it is because they use that shorthand of social behaviour between each other and then things don't always have to build and get out of hand, because that silent language they do deals with it.

This is when you sit them down some time, when things are calm and let them know your own body language and facial expressions can be misinterpreted when they look at you, because your body doesn't respond to your inner emotions. That you can't read their body language and facial expressions, either. I have found people tend to blame people thinking they are seeing what they are trying to express and intentionally defying them.


starvingartist wrote:
that's usually when i walk away.


that is the worst! I hate that feeling. I have to fill it full of anger and self righteousness and distance myself even more from those that I feel have written me off

starvingartist wrote:
nowadays no matter what the situation i just assume it's my fault somehow or something i've done wrong--or even just the act of being myself that's wrong. who i am and what i do is never satisfactory for other people, so it's a really sensitive subject for me, and i feel rejected everywhere--whether i actually am being rejected or not.

i can't even tell the difference anymore, if i ever could.


we get into a habit of being rejected, and see the potential in every situation. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. Learning that is it not our 'fault' necessarily but at least we can learn together that communication is possible and it takes only curiosity (and Google) to find out how to decipher what each other means when you talk to each other.

starvingartist wrote:
this time of year is hard for me, too, and that doesn't help. i miss having a family to spend the holidays with, even one that didn't understand me. :(



this is the best part of having WrongPlanet.
People 24 hours a day that know just what you mean. :D


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natesmom
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26 Dec 2009, 1:26 am

Hello. I can relate to what you are saying somewhat.

I went back on your posts to try and figure out why you feel the way you do; perhaps there was some indication of "thread killing."
I found none. I still read.

The one thing I did notice is that you are an incredibly intelligent person who is extremely introspective, sensitive and intune to the world around her, especially regarding emotions. I think that is the blessing and curse of a very creative person. You may be even more introspective and intune than the NT extremely creative person (if there is such a thing) because you had to intellectually learn certain things that others feel that they know (and may not).

You remind me of some other creative, artist friends I know. They feel and think so deeply about the world around them or at least processes about the world that they end up feeling alone in their thoughts because most people are unable to understand that amount of intensity or they can't follow up with a response in words similar to the way you do. There are a few on here, however, who can keep up with no problem. There is no way I could personally keep up but it doesn't mean I don't like to read it. It's just really deep (not in a bad way). Causes me to think.

It's seems like a lot of extremely creative people suffer from a lot of ups and downs. Do you think you may be on a downslide right now and that's causing you to feel more this way than you would typically feel? I believe that those ups and downs may also help with understanding the world more acutely than most people. I believe it is those down times that are the most difficult because that is when the acute sensitivity of the world turns more inward which makes it feel even more like the world is against you - which then causes the cycle of overanalzying (causes more depression). That is just my opinion and experience.

You are an excellent writer and have have such a wide array of knowledge and a lot of personal experiences that have helped you in understanding emotions that most people haven't. You seem like an extremely caring person. The words and ideas just seem to flow through you with seemingly no problem. You are an extremely passionate person who strongly believes in what she is writing about.

So, with that said - keep on trecking. Don't let these downtimes cause you to overanalyze what happens on these forums. The majority of people here will be completely blunt. It's not like the real world where you have to constantly figure out peoples intentions or how they are feeling based on intonation or other nonverbal means - that's hard. I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about here. People really don't keep track. If some do, they do. There are so many people on this forum that it doesn't really matter.



millie
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26 Dec 2009, 1:53 am

starvingartist - I have not always agreed with every post you have written, but I can certainly say that I have always found your posts interesting and incredibly insightful and articulate. You are not a threadkiller!
Don't let things get you down. Life can be hard for us at times. I hope you feel comforted by the positive posts here.
YOu have a lot to offer. :)

take it easy. Keep writing and creating. :)



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26 Dec 2009, 2:35 pm

thank you all so much, your responses have been so kind and generous. i don't really know what to say.

i wish i was better at accepting compliments so i could learn how to be more gracious about it. most of the time i find myself thinking, "sure, people might say that about me--at first. then they get to know me and those positive regards change in a hurry." i wish that weren't the case. it's something i'm working on, but i've been battling against it for years because of all the evidence that keeps piling up to support it (ie people who used to think neat things like that about me end up hating me for those same reasons). i've lost so many friends because of my "insight" and my commitment to the truth. people don't want you to really see them, and they certainly don't want you to be honest about what you see. i've lost a lot because of that.



millie
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26 Dec 2009, 2:42 pm

starvingartist wrote:
thank you all so much, your responses have been so kind and generous. i don't really know what to say.

i wish i was better at accepting compliments so i could learn how to be more gracious about it. most of the time i find myself thinking, "sure, people might say that about me--at first. then they get to know me and those positive regards change in a hurry." i wish that weren't the case. it's something i'm working on, but i've been battling against it for years because of all the evidence that keeps piling up to support it (ie people who used to think neat things like that about me end up hating me for those same reasons). i've lost so many friends because of my "insight" and my commitment to the truth. people don't want you to really see them, and they certainly don't want you to be honest about what you see. i've lost a lot because of that.


But the important thing to remember and hang onto is that THIS disclosure affords the possibility of mutual relating and a kind of cognitive empathy from many here. Many of us understand what you are going through and why, and by airing it, you offer yourself some comfort and also hep others who may not yet be able to articulate these insights and issues, an opportunity for shared experience. That is a good thing.
I too have 'burned through" friends metaphorically, because of my commitment to "truth" and my values. People think I am a flip in this regard! oh well.

And as for compliments. When I was younger I was impervious to them. Nothing could get through. Just practice hearing the compliments, repeat them to yourself and re-read them. It can help us to re-build fairly shattered self-esteem.

good luck on the life journey. :)



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26 Dec 2009, 6:49 pm

starvingartist wrote:
for me i think the paranoia is sort of an overcompensation for times in my life when i should have been more vigilant and wary of others and their intentions and wasn't, and so payed quite a heavy price for it. i believe the term is "hypervigilance", and many victims of assault, bullying, and abuse struggle with this. it's a horrible feeling, like no one else is going to look out for you so you BETTER do the best job you can yourself or god only knows what people will do to you.



Wow - there's an insight. That makes a lot of sense to me. I think you're definitely onto something with that. 8O



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27 Dec 2009, 6:05 am

WP is good for practicing these things, that's what I find. I used to be a lot more sensitive about the kind of response I got because I had already decided subconsciously what it ought to be so I was always disoriented when people said something else and therefore I got upset. Now I've noticed that many people on WP think I say good things but they hardly ever respond to them. And that's alright.

I was going to say something else, now what was it. Oh yes. Another thing I've learnt is to distinguish (at least more than I used to be able to) between the feelings that only exist inside me and the ones that are the result of my environment. That too takes practice, but it needs doing, especially for very sensitive people.



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27 Dec 2009, 4:33 pm

Willard wrote:
starvingartist wrote:
for me i think the paranoia is sort of an overcompensation for times in my life when i should have been more vigilant and wary of others and their intentions and wasn't, and so payed quite a heavy price for it. i believe the term is "hypervigilance", and many victims of assault, bullying, and abuse struggle with this. it's a horrible feeling, like no one else is going to look out for you so you BETTER do the best job you can yourself or god only knows what people will do to you.



Wow - there's an insight. That makes a lot of sense to me. I think you're definitely onto something with that. 8O


No kidding. She is an extremely insightful person



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27 Dec 2009, 6:49 pm

I haven't read all of the responses yet, so please forgive me if I'm repeating something that was already said. I notice that your first three posts of this thread were all posted at time when WP members throughout the U.S. and Canada (and other countries in those time zones) would have been going to bed or already in bed. Many people in the U.K. and that part of the world would have very likely been doing their Christmas morning things, visiting family, having visitors, opening presents, and other things different from the normal routine. Midnight on Christmas, for me, is typically a busy time, trying to get things ready so when my kids wake up in the morning, they'll see something special. I imagine there just wasn't much WP traffic at that time.



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28 Dec 2009, 6:31 am

sinsboldly wrote:
Isn't that why some other members started the "Thread Killer's Society" here? I can't remember where the thread is, but it is very long and very old. Does anyone know where the thread is? Perhaps you would like to join, Starving Artist?

Merle


You probably can't remember where the thread is because it was killed.

Anyway, I too, have killed several threads. I don't know why it happends, but it does.



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28 Dec 2009, 8:01 am

Avarice wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
Isn't that why some other members started the "Thread Killer's Society" here? I can't remember where the thread is, but it is very long and very old. Does anyone know where the thread is? Perhaps you would like to join, Starving Artist?

Merle


You probably can't remember where the thread is because it was killed.

Anyway, I too, have killed several threads. I don't know why it happends, but it does.



Ha, that thread used to be my second home. I'll have to dig it up, just for ol' time's sake.LOL


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