Page 2 of 3 [ 45 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

Magnus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2008
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,372
Location: Claremont, California

28 Dec 2009, 12:57 pm

I think it's coming along pretty good. Nice break up poem.

The storm that swells within me,
A force that cannot be contained.

It is no surprise,
It doesn't make sense.

The silence blares,
As your picture blazes.


_________________
As long as man continues to be the ruthless destroyer of lower living beings he will never know health or peace. For as long as men massacre animals, they will kill each other.

-Pythagoras


FaithHopeCheese
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Oct 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 534
Location: I think I'm lost

28 Dec 2009, 12:59 pm

Yeah, I like it. :)



Lonermutant
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Dec 2005
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,724
Location: Namsos, Norway

28 Dec 2009, 1:23 pm

Magnus wrote:
5 lines so far...

the silence is blaring,
and i am not caring,
of the message it shouts out so loud.....


I've decided the world is not for fearing



Magnus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2008
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,372
Location: Claremont, California

28 Dec 2009, 3:17 pm

The storm that swells within me,
A force that cannot be contained.

It is no surprise,
It doesn't make sense.

The silence blares,
As your picture blazes.
_________________
9th line needed

When Love does sear a path,
The world is not meant for fearing.


_________________
As long as man continues to be the ruthless destroyer of lower living beings he will never know health or peace. For as long as men massacre animals, they will kill each other.

-Pythagoras


FaithHopeCheese
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Oct 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 534
Location: I think I'm lost

28 Dec 2009, 4:28 pm

[quote="b9"]

the captured image
of your disguise......
is fodder for the muse,,,,,,,,,,,
of the simple but wise.

[quote="b9"]

This is pretty to me ^ ...maybe you could scramble some of it in....?



sunshower
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Age: 124
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,985

28 Dec 2009, 4:47 pm

Wow.. I wanted to contribute, but I'm just a bit confused as to what the poem actually is now. I've had a go at piecing it all together.


The silence is blaring,
My cd player creates a vacuum of sound

and I am not caring,
of the message it shouts so loud.

Your picture blazes,
From my shelf lined with faces.

it hurts my eyes,
the captured image
of your disguise......


--> and the concluding poem:


The storm that swells within me,
A force that cannot be contained.

It is no surprise,
It doesn't make sense.

The silence blares,
As your picture blazes.
_________________

There! A 9 line poem and a concluding poem at the end. :lol:


_________________
Into the dark...


sunshower
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Age: 124
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,985

28 Dec 2009, 4:57 pm

The new and improved version:

The silence is blaring,
A vacuum of sound

and I am not caring,
of the message it shouts so loud.

Your picture blazes,
From my shelf lined with faces.

it hurts my eyes,
the captured image
of your disguise......


--> and the concluding poem:


The storm that swells within me,
A force that cannot be contained.

When Love does sear a path,
The world is not meant for fearing.

It is no surprise,
It doesn't make sense.

The silence blares,
As your picture blazes,

The void erases you.


_________________
Into the dark...


FaithHopeCheese
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Oct 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 534
Location: I think I'm lost

28 Dec 2009, 5:02 pm

Good job of showing everybody up, Sunshower.... :lol: Just Kidding!! ! That's really pretty!



Magnus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2008
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,372
Location: Claremont, California

28 Dec 2009, 5:49 pm

Good job sunflower.

How about:

Quote:
of the message it shouts so loud.


change to:

The message rings loud.

That was fun, and a great poem came out of it.


_________________
As long as man continues to be the ruthless destroyer of lower living beings he will never know health or peace. For as long as men massacre animals, they will kill each other.

-Pythagoras


FaithHopeCheese
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Oct 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 534
Location: I think I'm lost

28 Dec 2009, 5:58 pm

I'm sorry that I posted 50,000 times, it's just that when I saw this thread start last night, I wanted it to happen.

I've accomplished nothing at work today, but I think the poem is really pretty.



Last edited by FaithHopeCheese on 28 Dec 2009, 7:03 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Magnus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2008
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,372
Location: Claremont, California

28 Dec 2009, 6:08 pm

haha

Let's play another game when you get off work.

We did a story here one time. I thought it was fun.
It's better than board games, I think.


_________________
As long as man continues to be the ruthless destroyer of lower living beings he will never know health or peace. For as long as men massacre animals, they will kill each other.

-Pythagoras


sunshower
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Age: 124
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,985

29 Dec 2009, 4:06 am

FaithHopeCheese wrote:
Good job of showing everybody up, Sunshower.... :lol: Just Kidding!! ! That's really pretty!


Thanks! :D I tried to put it together including as much of everybody's lines as I could.

FINAL VERSION (including Magnus's last correction).

The silence is blaring,
A vacuum of sound

and I am not caring,
The message rings loud.

Your picture blazes,
From my shelf lined with faces.

it hurts my eyes,
the captured image
of your disguise......


--> and the concluding poem:


The storm that swells within me,
A force that cannot be contained.

When Love does sear a path,
The world is not meant for fearing.

It is no surprise,
It doesn't make sense.

The silence blares,
As your picture blazes,

The void erases you.

-fin-

Only one question remains... what shall we call it?


_________________
Into the dark...


jojobean
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Aug 2009
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,341
Location: In Georgia sipping a virgin pina' colada while the rest of the world is drunk

01 Jan 2010, 2:08 pm

For some reason

"Awakening from the Sleepless Dream"

keeps coming to mind for a title



Magnus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2008
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,372
Location: Claremont, California

01 Jan 2010, 6:13 pm

Awakening from the dreamless sleep makes more sense though.

Do you want to start a new poem with that title?

I would love to do this again. One line at a time.


_________________
As long as man continues to be the ruthless destroyer of lower living beings he will never know health or peace. For as long as men massacre animals, they will kill each other.

-Pythagoras


jojobean
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Aug 2009
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,341
Location: In Georgia sipping a virgin pina' colada while the rest of the world is drunk

01 Jan 2010, 10:35 pm

that sounds like fun!! Sorry I missed the last one ...I just found this thread.


Awakening from the sleepless dream


Underwater, seeing the the social surface above me flickering like blobs and dashes



Magnus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2008
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,372
Location: Claremont, California

01 Jan 2010, 11:28 pm

Do you want to do 9 lines again? If so, I would like to just have people throw in lines and we can tweak it at the end. By that I mean, we can rearrange and edit it after we free associate some poetry.

Awakening from the sleepless dream. It's about awakening to the fuller awareness of consciousness? Underwater seems to suggest that this person is feeling engulfed by the social surface. That is how I see it. What did you mean by blobs and dashes? Is it that you can't fully comprehend NT's or social structures? I said dancing lights awaken me because the playfulness and curiosity of the lights above the water stirs the dream to wake up.


Underwater, seeing the the social surface above me flickering like blobs and dashes


Dancing lights awaken me.


_________________
As long as man continues to be the ruthless destroyer of lower living beings he will never know health or peace. For as long as men massacre animals, they will kill each other.

-Pythagoras