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FaithHopeCheese
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28 Dec 2009, 12:39 pm

Should mine be two lines, instead of one?

:oops:

edit: sorry, I'm posting too much.....



Magnus
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28 Dec 2009, 12:57 pm

I think it's coming along pretty good. Nice break up poem.

The storm that swells within me,
A force that cannot be contained.

It is no surprise,
It doesn't make sense.

The silence blares,
As your picture blazes.


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FaithHopeCheese
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28 Dec 2009, 12:59 pm

Yeah, I like it. :)



Lonermutant
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28 Dec 2009, 1:23 pm

Magnus wrote:
5 lines so far...

the silence is blaring,
and i am not caring,
of the message it shouts out so loud.....


I've decided the world is not for fearing



Magnus
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28 Dec 2009, 3:17 pm

The storm that swells within me,
A force that cannot be contained.

It is no surprise,
It doesn't make sense.

The silence blares,
As your picture blazes.
_________________
9th line needed

When Love does sear a path,
The world is not meant for fearing.


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As long as man continues to be the ruthless destroyer of lower living beings he will never know health or peace. For as long as men massacre animals, they will kill each other.

-Pythagoras


FaithHopeCheese
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28 Dec 2009, 4:28 pm

[quote="b9"]

the captured image
of your disguise......
is fodder for the muse,,,,,,,,,,,
of the simple but wise.

[quote="b9"]

This is pretty to me ^ ...maybe you could scramble some of it in....?



sunshower
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28 Dec 2009, 4:47 pm

Wow.. I wanted to contribute, but I'm just a bit confused as to what the poem actually is now. I've had a go at piecing it all together.


The silence is blaring,
My cd player creates a vacuum of sound

and I am not caring,
of the message it shouts so loud.

Your picture blazes,
From my shelf lined with faces.

it hurts my eyes,
the captured image
of your disguise......


--> and the concluding poem:


The storm that swells within me,
A force that cannot be contained.

It is no surprise,
It doesn't make sense.

The silence blares,
As your picture blazes.
_________________

There! A 9 line poem and a concluding poem at the end. :lol:


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Into the dark...


sunshower
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28 Dec 2009, 4:57 pm

The new and improved version:

The silence is blaring,
A vacuum of sound

and I am not caring,
of the message it shouts so loud.

Your picture blazes,
From my shelf lined with faces.

it hurts my eyes,
the captured image
of your disguise......


--> and the concluding poem:


The storm that swells within me,
A force that cannot be contained.

When Love does sear a path,
The world is not meant for fearing.

It is no surprise,
It doesn't make sense.

The silence blares,
As your picture blazes,

The void erases you.


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Into the dark...


FaithHopeCheese
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28 Dec 2009, 5:02 pm

Good job of showing everybody up, Sunshower.... :lol: Just Kidding!! ! That's really pretty!



Magnus
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28 Dec 2009, 5:49 pm

Good job sunflower.

How about:

Quote:
of the message it shouts so loud.


change to:

The message rings loud.

That was fun, and a great poem came out of it.


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As long as man continues to be the ruthless destroyer of lower living beings he will never know health or peace. For as long as men massacre animals, they will kill each other.

-Pythagoras


FaithHopeCheese
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28 Dec 2009, 5:58 pm

I'm sorry that I posted 50,000 times, it's just that when I saw this thread start last night, I wanted it to happen.

I've accomplished nothing at work today, but I think the poem is really pretty.



Last edited by FaithHopeCheese on 28 Dec 2009, 7:03 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Magnus
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28 Dec 2009, 6:08 pm

haha

Let's play another game when you get off work.

We did a story here one time. I thought it was fun.
It's better than board games, I think.


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As long as man continues to be the ruthless destroyer of lower living beings he will never know health or peace. For as long as men massacre animals, they will kill each other.

-Pythagoras


sunshower
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29 Dec 2009, 4:06 am

FaithHopeCheese wrote:
Good job of showing everybody up, Sunshower.... :lol: Just Kidding!! ! That's really pretty!


Thanks! :D I tried to put it together including as much of everybody's lines as I could.

FINAL VERSION (including Magnus's last correction).

The silence is blaring,
A vacuum of sound

and I am not caring,
The message rings loud.

Your picture blazes,
From my shelf lined with faces.

it hurts my eyes,
the captured image
of your disguise......


--> and the concluding poem:


The storm that swells within me,
A force that cannot be contained.

When Love does sear a path,
The world is not meant for fearing.

It is no surprise,
It doesn't make sense.

The silence blares,
As your picture blazes,

The void erases you.

-fin-

Only one question remains... what shall we call it?


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jojobean
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01 Jan 2010, 2:08 pm

For some reason

"Awakening from the Sleepless Dream"

keeps coming to mind for a title



Magnus
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01 Jan 2010, 6:13 pm

Awakening from the dreamless sleep makes more sense though.

Do you want to start a new poem with that title?

I would love to do this again. One line at a time.


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As long as man continues to be the ruthless destroyer of lower living beings he will never know health or peace. For as long as men massacre animals, they will kill each other.

-Pythagoras