AspiRob wrote:
roadGames wrote:
I used to think I needed a group to go out to bars and parties with, but I've found I can do it solo no problem and I usually have a blast. The last two times I went out solo (no alcohol involved whatsoever), girls were initiating conversations with me, dancing with me on the street randomly, and I was making friends for the night with some of the dudes there.
God Almighty - it sounds like you have the whole social scene worked out. I wish I was that clued in.
It's not as difficult as it sounds. You just need to desensitize yourself to it by going out a lot. Most people are drunk and just wanna have a good time. Be friendly, relaxed, and gentle with people.
Part of the fun I get out of it is that it's instant feedback on how you approach women. After 70+ approaches (spread them out over many venues and weeks or else you're going to get a weird reputation), you're gonna be able to read female signals very, very well regardless of an ASD.
I can now see the initial signs of attraction from random girls on the street without even talking to them just by watching their eyes. (Note that this is coming from a person clinically diagnosed with an ASD who used to
never make eye contact with anybody.) *90% of the time, when a girl holds eye contact with me and then looks down with a bit of a blush or smile, this girl is going to turn out to be very friendly with me. Sometimes she'll even say "Hi. My name's [blahblahblah]" before I even open my mouth.
*This
mainly happens when I'm out during the day, not at night. At night, the smiling rarely occurs unless it's a long eye contact and I wink or something. What you should be doing at night is just maybe a second of eye contact as you approach the girl, don't flinch, and boom it's now your time to say something. It doesn't matter what you say, just say something. I like to do "What's up? My name's roadGames."
I do get approached a lot by women (around twice a night), though. Sometimes they're super cute girls and sometimes they're kind of flabby. For me, I think the key to getting approached by girls at bars/clubs is just to dress well and not oogle the girls (i.e. check them out). It might not even be body language. The first time I went out with the guys, I dressed up really freaking nice (cream colored blazer and a nice matching button-up I found at goodwill) and styled my hair. During this night I was COMPLETELY nervous. My shoulders were scrunched up aspie style, I never made eye contact with a single person, my hands were in my pockets, I moved like I had a stick up my butt, and I clenched my beer to my chest. My body language was so poor that this group of dudes stopped me asking if I'm OK. Despite this, one girl tried to grab my ass, this cute girl pulled me aside to be in a picture with her, and two other girls high-fived me trying to get me to dance with them. I initiated the interactions with not a single one of these girls. Since that first night out, my body language improved tremendously, enough so that a good amount of girls like it when I'm the approacher. I've met many girls through petitioning now, haha.
Regardless, figuring out how to maintain social status in a group of socially calibrated guys is a complete mystery to me at the moment. Is it simply not being a reactive person?
U sound like me...I get all crunched up at parties, and I get approached by girls a lot. Many have said Im cute. That's the only type of game I really have, my looks. It works. But if one is not goodlooking idk what to say. But it seems like roadgames knows what he's doing. keep it up, and dont worry about that weird alpha dude or whatever you may call him.
30 Dec 2009, 4:47 pm
