Have you ever snapped out of it and gone through NT phase?

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31 Dec 2009, 7:54 pm

There comes times when I do fine in groups, do fine with conversations, looking at people at their faces, and I have been outgoing because I used to go out everyday exploring the city and finding work.

I look back on my childhood and I seemed normal, I had friends, I seemed fine in the videos but in my IEP reports and medical records, I sounded worse off, same as in my report cards. Everything needed improvement about me. They even wrote I had difficulty with change and I don't follow rules. I look back and I thought I did and I thought I did fine with change even though I didn't like it. Even my husband thinks I have difficulty with it. I don't like it but I do it. There comes times when I don't care for change and that is when I can't make a decision so I leave it up to people.


I had labels as a child, kids thought I was weird, retarded, crazy, insane, show off, I had all these labels from kids. But it did get me to finally try and change but I never wanted to be around those kids and when they be around, I'd get nervous because I had to put on an act because I cared so much what they thought of me. But now I don't care anymore what people think and I am just myself. I couldn't stim or anything and I had to watch what I do.

I think I am NT at times because sometimes my mind decides to work right. I can act on my feelings when I am really really upset or have anxiety. When I had a miscarriage, I was able to express my feelings well. It made me more affectionate. I was more affectionate when I first got pregnant and then I snapped back to aspie again when I found out I was pregnant.

I was very "NT" at the wedding but my mom and my husband's aunt saw I had issues with being touched. I think my mom noticed because she asked me how I was dealing with all the touching. I also did good with opening presents. I usually do good at parties is why, I don't meltdown or anything and I leave when I need a break from the noise and I am off by myself. I can talk to people if they talk to me.

My husband is alays finding aspie in me but he doesn't pay attention so he doesn't remember every aspie thing I do and how often I have the symptoms but he told me I don't hide it well. I can't hide it 24/7.

I do have my NT moments.



DemonAbyss10
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31 Dec 2009, 11:45 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
There comes times when I do fine in groups, do fine with conversations, looking at people at their faces, and I have been outgoing because I used to go out everyday exploring the city and finding work.

I look back on my childhood and I seemed normal, I had friends, I seemed fine in the videos but in my IEP reports and medical records, I sounded worse off, same as in my report cards. Everything needed improvement about me. They even wrote I had difficulty with change and I don't follow rules. I look back and I thought I did and I thought I did fine with change even though I didn't like it. Even my husband thinks I have difficulty with it. I don't like it but I do it. There comes times when I don't care for change and that is when I can't make a decision so I leave it up to people.


I had labels as a child, kids thought I was weird, retarded, crazy, insane, show off, I had all these labels from kids. But it did get me to finally try and change but I never wanted to be around those kids and when they be around, I'd get nervous because I had to put on an act because I cared so much what they thought of me. But now I don't care anymore what people think and I am just myself. I couldn't stim or anything and I had to watch what I do.

I think I am NT at times because sometimes my mind decides to work right. I can act on my feelings when I am really really upset or have anxiety. When I had a miscarriage, I was able to express my feelings well. It made me more affectionate. I was more affectionate when I first got pregnant and then I snapped back to aspie again when I found out I was pregnant.

I was very "NT" at the wedding but my mom and my husband's aunt saw I had issues with being touched. I think my mom noticed because she asked me how I was dealing with all the touching. I also did good with opening presents. I usually do good at parties is why, I don't meltdown or anything and I leave when I need a break from the noise and I am off by myself. I can talk to people if they talk to me.

My husband is alays finding aspie in me but he doesn't pay attention so he doesn't remember every aspie thing I do and how often I have the symptoms but he told me I don't hide it well. I can't hide it 24/7.

I do have my NT moments.


I can definately relate with the IEP reports. As for how I was labeled at certain points in highschool, lets see...

Weird, Genius, an extra-large ham, loner, emo (my sister has since adopted that name for me), serious business, badass (even though I am incapable of any badassery), dick, douchebag, psychopath (end of senior year, i threatened my whole 'bus' because everyone were shifting through seats to piss me off, lets just say when you say something wqith either kill, shoot, or murder in it, the whole social system comes down on ya. I blame the fags who did columbine.)


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Danielismyname
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01 Jan 2010, 2:18 am

That would be a negative.

I did well enough in primary/elementary school, but when I hit high school...down I went,or better, I didn't go anywhere and everyone else developed past me. My social development stopped/peaked prior to puberty, so people outgrew me.

Socially, I'm a kid. Emotionally, I'm average. Logically, I'm probably advanced.



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01 Jan 2010, 2:49 am

Willard wrote:
veiledexpressions wrote:
That is your perception, though. Perhaps others saw things you didn't see.

When I think back to my teen years, I do not realize how much I was affected. Yes, I had trouble, but it doesn't seem like much. Then after the interviews with my friends and family, I realized a lot of allowances were made for me. I also never realized I always had more stiff expressions and a slightly odd gait. I watched videos of Aspies on youtube, and thought, "I'm not like that". The answer from those who've known me my whole life was, "Yes you are!". lol

I think we can trick ourselves in either direction. :)!


Boy, ain't it the truth! I still get a snicker out of the newly diagnosed and their insistence that their case of AS is only a mild one. Yeah, heh-heh, that's what I said - at first. A lot of us start out with that little delusion...

You really have me wondering how others perceive me now. I've given this some thought, and I've realized that it is most likely true that others perceive me as "a bit off" right from the start. Sometimes that works out to my advantage (e.g., work interviews), sometimes to my disadvantage (e.g., social situations).

At my wedding, guests were asked to stand up and speak if they felt moved to do so. One of my friends whom I've known for quite awhile said, "Those of us who know fiddlerpianist know that he is a bit... well, naive..." and the general laughter indicated that everyone knew exactly what she was talking about. (For the record, I know what she said sounds offensive here, but she actually said it very much in an endearing, non-insulting way which in context really wasn't at all offensive.)

Also for the record, I'm not professionally diagnosed. Given where I am in my life and how it's all working out for me, I see no advantage to seeking one.


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01 Jan 2010, 11:17 am

Willard wrote:
Of course, you did realize there was something wrong - at least something drastically different - about you a long time ago, but you'd never have imagined it was anything so drastic as a brain that was a few Legos shy of a starter set.

8 D
Yes, indeed.

I have noticed that there are times that I'm "more aspie" and times that I'm "less aspie" though.
It seems to have been a lot more prominent when I was on my own, and less prominent when I've had a solid realtionship with my wife.
Having read one of the articles here, it seems that "being in love" is an effective way for me to be a little less aspie and a little more NT.

Which I think is what pippy there is talking about.



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01 Jan 2010, 3:03 pm

I have gone through working phases... does that count? Heh. I managed to pull off working in a retail store for a few years before I crashed and burned in the most horrible of ways. I am just not built to do certain things, behave and react certain ways. I can try but it will only end in a meltdown... usually starting with a string of mini ones that end in the mother of all meltdowns that take months for me to recover from due to the upset I cause in the lives of those closest to me. The last one finally made me understand and damn it, I am not trying to play functional like that anymore. That was years ago, though and I thought I was just being some kind of over reactionary child and that no one liked jobs like that... they just suck it up and go on. I had no clue that I was really not like them and was really having a harder time with it all than they did. I just thought I was strange and needed to shut up and push through it. Yep. Wish I would have known then what I know now. It would have stopped several problems before they began.

But beyond my failed work attempts in people ridden jobs... no? I mean, the people I associate are not typical. My friends would be called weird, and it has always been that way, so the need to try to be something I am not was not necessary. I never got on well with people who would be considered 'normal'. I never tried. I am what I am, and being a weirdo among weirdos was never an issue. I am lucky to have tolerant people in my life, I know this.


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01 Jan 2010, 4:12 pm

about ten years ago. I became blond and I was in perfect physical shape because I exercised all the time, actually I was too thin, but my significant other liked it that way. I had foils put in my hair and actually went to the tanning bed a couple times a week. It was my last attempt at trying to get it all figured out and be 'normal'...after that I just gave up.



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01 Jan 2010, 4:25 pm

tried and failed.

the best I have ever done in groups is with subcultural groups.
1. drug culture. although I was naive and repeatedly assaulted and hoodwinked and 'done over.'
2. 12 step programs. Here at least, the ratbags have cleaned up a bit. all riff-raff. a few stray ASD ex addicts and alkies floating around. And there is a degree of unity in "outsiderdom." (when nearly everyone is a misfit, the misfits can blend in a bit....)

Other than that, I am told I am a very strong character in some ways (ideas usually,) and completely childlike and naive in other ways (usually pertaining to the social.)

I have always done best with others one on one and even then, it is very, very tiring.

I have learned to act a bit in the NT world...but after a little while, others discover the "real weirdo" and do not like me or find me troublesome, too outspoken, difficult and just plain odd.


Some could view this track record as successful, and others could perceive it as the realm of a true loser.
I'll continue on leading my rather strange existence and leave it to others to judge.

these days i am clean, sober, strange, sometimes happy and at least now dx'ed and aware of why i have always been the way I am.



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01 Jan 2010, 5:26 pm

poopylungstuffing wrote:
I am thinking back to my teenaged years.
My childhood was sorta like a dark tunnel that I slowly emerged from as I hit puberty.


That's exactly how I feel looking back on my childhood. It was as if I was in a tunnel with no peripheral vision, and slowly my focus became wider as I got older and noticed people / places more. I would swing between being wildly chatty with people I was relaxed with or painfully shy and unable to talk. I was also a chubby child and fat kids tend to get ignored more.

When I was 14 I shot up and lost a lot of weight, cut my hair and got contacts. People literally didn't recognise me at school, so I was able to develop a new more confident, outgoing 'NT' persona. Since then I have noticed going through phases of feeling more AS or NT depending on my environment and life circumstances at the time. Basically the more stressed I get, the more I can tell I have AS and the harder it is to cope.

I have gone through phases of being very outgoing for a few years, but they were always followed by burnout and the need to withdraw and recover. I used to think they were bouts of chronic fatigue or ME, but I recognise now that it's down to being 'peopled out' or working too hard.

I'm currently on a summer sabbatical and have hardly left the house (which is bliss) to recharge my batteries before I move to Wellington in a month or two. It's wonderful to let my filters down and relax for a while as I know that I'll be out and about more after we move so I'll need to be more sociable.


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