Facebook for date request???

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Is it a good idea or bad
Good idea 36%  36%  [ 9 ]
Bad Idea 64%  64%  [ 16 ]
Total votes : 25

ad2009
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02 Jan 2010, 1:48 am

I'm in college. There is someone that I like, but can't exactly figure out how to express that without it being awkward. I've thought about starting up a conversation on Facebook and when the moment is right, asking her out on there, but I've never heard of anyone doing that (at least no one my age). The bigger problem is not her saying no, but her telling other people that I asked her out on Facebook and then having them make fun of me for being unconventional. We have a lot of mutual friends including people that I see every day at school and work. So I want to keep their respect (they would still respect me, but I don't want to be made fun of for a unconventional way of asking for a date). What do u think? Please vote on the poll and comment about why



Tim_Tex
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02 Jan 2010, 2:01 am

You don't really have anything to lose.


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jamesongerbil
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02 Jan 2010, 2:36 am

i don't think it's unconventional. imo, it's lame. i think a girl would appreciate it much more if you asked her out in person. it shows courage and also that you care enough about her to do that. it would be different if you never met in person, i think. but still, it would be better if it was "just hanging out" than "a date," because it relieves societal pressure and emotional stress and the like. you could ask her to hang out with you sometime on facebook. that happens all the time! :) maybe, when you are hanging out, you can then ask for a date.



harlequinsenor
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02 Jan 2010, 3:42 am

Terrible idea. I slept with a girl back in college and then asked her out via a facebook message the next day... never talked to her again.



mjs82
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02 Jan 2010, 4:20 am

Sorry, I may be a bit confused, but is this girl a person you regularly have verbal contact with, or more so a friend of a friend that you've rarely spoken with?

In either case, I think asking in person is the best option because what you ultimately want is a personal form of connection, and if you used facebook you'd be immediately putting a distance between you. I don't know your friends, but if they're a true friend of both of you, I imagine they'd be happy for two of their friends to find some happiness together. If this girl is someone you don't see too often or don't know well, an ally can help you start a connection there.

To quote Theodore Roosevelt:
It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.

So dare greatly :)



righton
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02 Jan 2010, 11:45 am

I hate to be NTer-than-thou, but this is a horrible idea. She will not be impressed. You should chat her up on facebook and get more comfortable until you can ask out her in person.



Elementary_Physics
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02 Jan 2010, 11:56 am

It depends on how shy she is - Being an Aspie, I really appriciated the fact that my boyfriend asked me out over IM. I never saw anything wrong with it.

However! NT women live in this strange world in their heads, where everything has to revolve around themselves, and they insist that you "confidently" walk up to them, look them in the eyes, and "sweep them off their feet". The girl who doesn't mind how you ask her out, is the girl worth spending your time on.



righton
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02 Jan 2010, 12:09 pm

Elementary_Physics wrote:
However! NT women live in this strange world in their heads, where everything has to revolve around themselves, and they insist that you "confidently" walk up to them, look them in the eyes, and "sweep them off their feet". The girl who doesn't mind how you ask her out, is the girl worth spending your time on.


You know NTs are people worth spending time on, too. There are many, many wonderful NT women out there. They like confidence, so offer some up.



Elementary_Physics
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02 Jan 2010, 12:17 pm

righton wrote:
Elementary_Physics wrote:
However! NT women live in this strange world in their heads, where everything has to revolve around themselves, and they insist that you "confidently" walk up to them, look them in the eyes, and "sweep them off their feet". The girl who doesn't mind how you ask her out, is the girl worth spending your time on.


You know NTs are people worth spending time on, too. There are many, many wonderful NT women out there. They like confidence, so offer some up.


Maybe THEY like confidence, but if its not who you are, then you don't have to be it.



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02 Jan 2010, 1:07 pm

jamesongerbil wrote:
i don't think it's unconventional. imo, it's lame. i think a girl would appreciate it much more if you asked her out in person. it shows courage and also that you care enough about her to do that. it would be different if you never met in person, i think. but still, it would be better if it was "just hanging out" than "a date," because it relieves societal pressure and emotional stress and the like. you could ask her to hang out with you sometime on facebook. that happens all the time! :) maybe, when you are hanging out, you can then ask for a date.


Consider this james, what iyo is lame, might, for other Aspies, actually be a good way for fully and accurately expressing feelings to another cuz outside of the typical social issues regarding social interaction, some may also have processing issues where there's a difficulty in getting words from brain to tongue and not saying them in a way that might be misconstrued by another but the medium of wirting through say a chat console like say MSN, Yahoo, AIM or Facebook Chat, might offer the outlet for the person to porperly express themself(ves) to the other. The only drawback I could see is that "chatting" is a flat medium of communiaction(unless that is you and whoever you're chatting with are using webcams), so face-to-face may still be the better way.

As for you ad, regrading your concern about your friends/mutual friends making fun of you if they found out from the girl or through the grapevine, I say if they make fun of you about it, which by college, even though for the most part you and your peers are still in your late teens I suspect, most should be past jeuvenile, immature bs like that and if they aren't well then maybe they aren't really your friends.


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saintetienne
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02 Jan 2010, 1:22 pm

mjs82 wrote:

To quote Theodore Roosevelt:
It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.


I'm confused, where's theodore roosevelt's post in this topic, did someone delete it? (over moderation? :roll: )
I tried searching for a member called theodore roosevelt but couldn't find anyone :?



Boston_MA
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02 Jan 2010, 2:07 pm

It is good to experiment. It is better to ask in real life though - more effective. For example, say, Hi how are you? blah blah blah. What are you doing this weekend? I am going to see this movie and I have nobody to go with. Let me know if you are interested. something of this sort.



LostInBed
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02 Jan 2010, 2:07 pm

saintetienne wrote:
mjs82 wrote:

To quote Theodore Roosevelt:
It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.


I'm confused, where's theodore roosevelt's post in this topic, did someone delete it? (over moderation? :roll: )
I tried searching for a member called theodore roosevelt but couldn't find anyone :?


No No, the person is quoting former presidnet Theodore Roosevelt, not a member of the site.


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Seanmw
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02 Jan 2010, 3:53 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
You don't really have anything to lose.
yup, prolly worst that happens is she says no.
i doubt anyone would think all that badly of him or go out of their way to make fun of him if she said no.

on the other hand he has so much more to gain if she says yes :lol:


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02 Jan 2010, 7:05 pm

I would ask her in person because from a girl's point of view it means a lot more if the guy has the courage to ask me face to face versus over the internet.



mjs82
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02 Jan 2010, 7:43 pm

LostInBed wrote:
saintetienne wrote:
mjs82 wrote:

To quote Theodore Roosevelt:
It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.


I'm confused, where's theodore roosevelt's post in this topic, did someone delete it? (over moderation? :roll: )
I tried searching for a member called theodore roosevelt but couldn't find anyone :?


No No, the person is quoting former presidnet Theodore Roosevelt, not a member of the site.


It's a great speech from President Roosevelt. ad2009 was saying that he was worried that his friends would tease him. What's important to remember is that criticism is easy. It's the person trying and struggling for more that counts - they're the hero - that person in the arena standing defiant against all challenges, ready to try again and again, despite what life throws against them.

Those are the people we remember. Not the critics.