Late in life diagnosis...Did it change your life?
sartresue
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The Eureka moment topic
I am more self conscious now, about myself, except when I am in extreme focus mode. But at least there is a name for my self identity.
Right now I am using my daughter's computer. Mine is just not opening. This high speed certainly takes some getting used to.
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Radiant Aspergian
Awe-Tistic Whirlwind
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I guess finding out about this has reframed everything in my life. I feel completely lost, honestly. I know it will pass, and I will get on my feet again eventually. Right now I am just sad that the vast majority of my adult life I focused on improving in areas where there absolutely was no hope for improvement. At least now I *know* what is wrong with me. I am accepting that I will probably have to work two jobs for the next twenty years because I will always be underemployed because rote work and manual labor are all I can handle. That I will never be able to manipulate my way into a high salary like I watch other people do everyday..that I will never be promoted. That I probably won't be able to complete a degree because dealing with schoolmates is excruciating for me and just about sends me over the edge. The one certification I've gotten has been online, so that is an avenue. Sorry if this reads as self-pity, I am just 'right there' in the awareness and revelations at the moment. I am just in the feelings and grief. So I guess the answer to the question is it changed my life, definitely, in every way, some good, some painful. It's helpful to know what the true problem is though.
Hi alana. I agree with so much of what you highlight about 12 step programs, which is why i only attend a kind of "renegade misfits" group that does not adhere to the kind of sloganish/cultish stuff that goes on. Unfortunately, groups anywhere have a tendency to evolve in this manner. I have even seen it in womens autism advocacy groups, which are not for me. I also experience incredible ignorance from other 12 step members who think that AS ALWAYS equals RAIN MAN presentation and mathematical and memory savantism. (those individuals have been on the receiving end of my bluntness!! ! chuckle.)
I too was embittered when i discovered that the issues i had were neurological and not psychological. Sure, I had some of the latter, and i worked hard at these. But there was more to my story and journey.
Nearing 50 I've carved out my own little approach to my ASD and my recovery and abstinence. I like the place I am at, for the most part. But it has been a hell of a journey getting here.
There is peace and joy to be had.
find your own way and listen to your own process. You know more about You than anyone.
Good luck and I wish you well.
I am more self conscious now, about myself, except when I am in extreme focus mode. But at least there is a name for my self identity.
Right now I am using my daughter's computer. Mine is just not opening. This high speed certainly takes some getting used to.
I'm sorry to hear that it's made you more self conscious...It actually made me more confident and I wish there was some way to get you to feel the same way about being on the spectrum. I think of it as, I'm more confident because I accept myself and whatever outcome takes place. Especially in social situations, I know things may not go exactly how I want them to go...but I accept that now, because I've accepted myself. Hope that helps a little.
glenna74
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 11 Mar 2009
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 51
Location: Small Town, Eastern Ontario
Alana, you may want to seek a professional dx. I, like you, was underemployed when I was employed at all. I'm 35 now and I think in total I've only worked 6 years of my life. SIX. That's rather low, I think. Anyway, now that I have the paperwork that says I have AS, all sorts of doors have opened for me and I have just been approved for disability. What a *tremendous* relief! Finally I don't have to deal with people/situations at work that I can't properly deal with, and I also don't have to fret about wondering how I'm going to live with no income. Especially since I have children. "Flying by the seat of my pants" when it's just me is one thing, doing it when I am responsible for other people is quite another.
My wife, who has a background in psychology, said she suspected I might have AS. At first she joked about it, but the more she read, the more she realized it wasn't a joke! I was 35. I have yet to get an official DX and am not sure if I want to bring it up with a therapist, etc.,
In some ways it makes things harder, in other ways it is easier. I understand more about the nature of my difficulties in relationships, working etc., but also I know that I will always have problems in certain areas, despite my best efforts. There are some things where I now know it is better to not attempt instead of needlessly frustrating myself over and over again. I used to waste a lot of time as a teen and a young adult trying to "fit in" and feeling miserable when I didn't. I wish I had known then what I know now.
What bothers me about it is that I feel that it really limits my opportunity as far as work. I am not fortunate enough to have special interests that I can really translate into a career, and I find that a lot of the skills that have been required of me in the workplace--relationship building, "marketing myself," multi-tasking, are things that I have a really hard time doing. I recently lost a job that I had invested a lot of time into pursuing [years of graduate study, etc.] due to the problems I had with the social aspects of the workplace. Kind of at a loss about what to do next.
Also hard in that I guess the best I will be able to do in certain relationships will be to "fake" certain traits that I either don't truly have or else can't communicate. I'm glad I know about the reasons why, for example, I have a hard time showing empathy, listening, etc.
What is amusing to me are all the various "aha" moments that I have found about, regarding various behaviors I've had since childhood. Had no idea what "stimming" was even though I had been doing it since childhood!
Told my parents about AS, they are in denial about it. Oh well.
Self diagnosed at 49 and it has made my life a lot easier. I now realise I'm not always right and other peoples opinions do count. Before I react to a situation I always try to think what the NT reaction would be and would mine be an appropriate reaction. I can now tell my wife if I'm uncomfortable in a situation and she understands I'm not being selfish, I am realy uncomfortable in this situation.
leejosepho
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Joined: 14 Sep 2009
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Location: 200 miles south of Little Rock
I have had some of those same feelings, Alana, but the problem there is actually something else. Those folks were supposed to be helping us along ... like in the true story from the Special Olympics where everyone stopped to help a fallen one up so they could all cross the finish line together. Today’s world of “recovery” is an absolute sham.
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I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended at 59 ... right here on WrongPlanet.
==================================
I was diagnosed with AS this past summer at 35. It was life-altering, but in a subtle way. I always knew I was different, but I didn't know how or why. Now I know. I understand myself a little better, particularly with regards to my capabilities and limitations. It's made me re-think a lot of things about my life, where I've been, where I want to go, who I want to be (a process that is still occurring). My actual feelings were pretty neutral as I had suspected it before my diagnosis; it seemed to serve as more of a confirmation than anything else. I told my mom and my friend. Nobody at work knows and I don't plan on telling them unless I'm forced to. Right now my work situation is one where I'm skilled at what I do (and, to a certain extent, the only person in the organization who can do what I can do) so they overlook my eccentricities. They don't accept them, they overlook them. I obsessed over AS quite a bit at first. I read everything I could on the Internet or in books. I watched AS-centric movies ("Ben X," "Mozart and the Whale," "Adam," "Mary and Max," etc.). My interest tapered off dramatically since then as I started moving more into the application of that knowledge to my life; there are things I'm still trying to figure out.
Overall, I'd say I'm better off having gotten the diagnosis than stumbling through life not knowing.
fiddlerpianist
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Joined: 30 Apr 2009
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Yup.
I am not sure I am currently diagnosable, but I'm pretty sure that my childhood had some strong, unmistakable AS traits that would have been called out (had they been diagnosing kids back then in the 80s).
Having learned about AS last year (at 31). It's been eye opening but not really life changing. Certainly I have a broader perspective about the ways in which my personality traits and quirks may relate to each other that I didn't have before, and that's been very interesting. I completely obsessed over AS for about 4 months, and thankfully that has tapered off. Now it's mostly a sideline interest.
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"That leap of logic should have broken his legs." - Janissy
This is the biggest thing that has hit me since I was formally diagnosed about a month ago. I really don't know how to put into words how this is impacting me, I guess its too early to tell. But it feels sort of like I have gone from master of my self to slave to my neurology. I know there can freedom to be found in there somewhere with my acceptance of the way things are rather than trying to change them but that is contrary to the whole of my first 40 years of life. I wish I'd known sooner.
This is the biggest thing that has hit me since I was formally diagnosed about a month ago. I really don't know how to put into words how this is impacting me, I guess its too early to tell. But it feels sort of like I have gone from master of my self to slave to my neurology. I know there can freedom to be found in there somewhere with my acceptance of the way things are rather than trying to change them but that is contrary to the whole of my first 40 years of life. I wish I'd known sooner.
I have been through this as well...but i seem to be coming out the other end of that process.
What I do know is that an acceptance of my strengths and limitations has always breought me freedom in other areas of my lie, and I seem to have been undergoing the same process with regards to an acceptance of my formal diagnosis.
there has been incredible rage and frustration that I did not find out sooner. there has been incredible grief because of lost opportunity and lost years.
I had an email exchange about this with tony attwood recently, who said from his experience this process i have undergone is fairly common amongst later dx'ed AS people, and that he has seen this kind of reaction a lot.
I do know I am feeling better though - a couple of years on since first knowing, and a year since the full dx with an ASD specialist. I have had to let go of some things I thought I might always be able to cope with, and I am actually finding a greater sense of peace than I have ever known.
My whole life I asked myself "what is wrong with me...there is something seriously different about me and I do not know what it is." When I finally received the dx, everything fit into place. I have had to review a lot of my life in terms of this new diagnostic paradigm. things that never made sense do. But it hasn't been all dandy and easy.
It has been one of the most difficult periods i have ever been through.
I am glad I have managed to get through it.......
That is very encouraging to read! I want to get a professional dx when I can afford it, right now, per usual, I am barely scraping along (I just gave my nephews their christmas presents today, lol, because car repairs took all my december money). I didn't know that it would help, that is good to know. I know work situations are hard on anyone but it just about ruins my life, particularly dealing with female coworkers and henhouse shenanigans. Don't mean to be so tough on my gender but that stuff always repeats, as soon as they find out I am what I am (weird in whatever aspie way that NT's hone in on), the games begin. I am so glad that you have received some help and support that is great to know.
I self-diagnosed last year at 43. These are some of the responses that most hit home-
...
I do know I am feeling better though - a couple of years on since first knowing, and a year since the full dx with an ASD specialist. I have had to let go of some things I thought I might always be able to cope with, and I am actually finding a greater sense of peace than I have ever known.
Overall it's been positive though I haven't told that many people yet. Really the only drawback has been all the regrets at not knowing sooner in life.
The diagnosis has lifted a weight off of me, I no longer beat myself up over the vast differences I saw/see between myself and everyone around me. I have an understanding as to why things were the way they were. I am becoming aware that my many habits and/or sensitivities are explained by AS and it is comforting to know.
I haven't divulged to anyone that I have AS, though I sought a professional dx this past year as a means of support for when/if I ever choose to let people know. I think it will be hard for people to accept because I have done a decent job of suppressing all my tendencies. My life probably won't begin to change until I choose to live my life openly.
This sounds very similar to me. I first heard about "mild autism" on America's Next Top Model. They had a beautiful contestant named Heather who had AS. She finished 5th and had a huge following who believe she should have won. I forgot about it and went on with my life, until a year later when I started thinking about it, because of some horribly awkward conversation with my new co-workers.
I looked it up and suddenly it was like opening a valve that I couldn't shut off. I couldn't stop thinking or talking about it. Nobody believed me and everyone told me to stop talking about it so much. To which I responded, "Don't you get it?! The reason I can't stop talking about it is because that's part of it! I'm obsessed with autism because I'm autistic." Nobody got it.
The weight wasn't actually lifted off my shoulders that you talk about, until I was professionaly diagnosed. Then I could finally forgive myself for being so odd all my life, and let go of all the painful childhood autism experiences. Now that I know why I acted the way I did, I can let it go.
I would like to say that telling people you have AS makes people understand. It doesn't. Certain people, yes but those people are few and far between. I told everyone I work with. One, because I couldn't stop talking about it and two, because I work in the arts and people are more accepting, if not disordered in some way themselves. Also, I'm gay so the coming out of the closet experience is pretty much old news for me.
The reactions I got were anywhere from, "OK..." to, " I want to talk to that doctor because she's an idiot!" One guy actually says he can "train" me to be normal. I said no thanks. His version of normal is a little off anyways, but then again so is mine. The only positive experience I had from it is when I told my boss. He's my artistic director and he was actually very understanding and positive about it. I said I didn't want special treatment and he said he wasn't planning on giving me any. He also said it explains why I have so much trouble with staring off into space during rehearsals. Anyways, this post has gotten really long. Sorry
Blindspot149
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So I want to know if it has changed anyone elses life
We seem to have responded more or less the same to out discoveries of AS.
I too am less stressed in 'social situations' because of my knowledge.
I am also less interested in 'being social' than I was before my discovery but I tend to appreciate the selected 'social' things that I now do (for me instead of just to try to 'fit in' and be 'normal') more now than before.
I have also developed an appreciation of my need for and enjoyment of time spent alone.
Happy New Year!
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Now then, tell me. What did Miggs say to you? Multiple Miggs in the next cell. He hissed at you. What did he say?
sinsboldly
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Location: Bandon-by-the-Sea, Oregon
This is the biggest thing that has hit me since I was formally diagnosed about a month ago. I really don't know how to put into words how this is impacting me, I guess its too early to tell. But it feels sort of like I have gone from master of my self to slave to my neurology. I know there can freedom to be found in there somewhere with my acceptance of the way things are rather than trying to change them but that is contrary to the whole of my first 40 years of life. I wish I'd known sooner.
I wish I had known sooner, too. However, over the months and years of realizing my condition I have come to understand I am unique in my living my life unimpeded by anything other than my own inability to comprehend what was being asked of me. That is why I use the personal title of "Free Range Aspie".
Merle
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