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Sorce
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28 Feb 2006, 12:15 pm

Jekyll wrote:
Sorce wrote:
This used to be a problem for me until I had an epiphany. Why should I consider this to be a problem when I'm simply being honest? If people want to be lied to, that sounds more like their problem than it is mine. Holding in things made me miserable, and being honest with others and myself has helped me form better relationships. I guess what could add confusion is trying to separate having no tact and just being mean. Being mean occurs if you're intentionally being insulting.


But I just say things that are very witty (to others, mean to some) without hardly noticing it. Like in math class, I was writing a problem on the board, and some girl said, "I can't read your writing. It's too small." (She said it in a very snobby voice, too.) And I countered, without even thinking, with, "Go get a magnifying glass, then." It's not a big deal if it's stuff like that, it's just when you say something that could be taken out of context or something that you shouldn't have said at that moment (being facetious). I have math two periods from now (I'm in the school library instead of at lunch) and now she's going to be all smart-alecky...hmm...is that a word? to me and I know I'm going to have to back it up with more smart-alecky things. And then that's going to explode into this huge saga of smart-aleckness that I never really bargained for, all because I refuse to apologise based on the fact that, whether I like to admit it or not, I was being totally honest, and I'm going to take that to the death, if need be. I don't know. Maybe I'm just an a******. That could be possible.


The problem is that what you're doing is retaliating. She says something smart to you and you say something back. It only ends when one of you says something really horrible. Why is it that you feel that you have to respond to her? If you want it to end just ignore her, or ask her why she's such a smart aleck to you.



Jekyll
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28 Feb 2006, 10:11 pm

Actually, I did ignore her today. She saw me in the hall, and she said something to me, and I just walked right past her without even looking at her. I'm rather good at that :)



rhubarbpluscustard
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06 Mar 2006, 2:02 pm

My tact consists of avoiding delicate situations altogether. I won't ask people any kind of personal question, I won't say "What's the matter?", I won't pass judgement on anything. I expect it pisses people off sometimes, but it's the most I can manage.



Jekyll
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06 Mar 2006, 3:13 pm

I'm really terrible at initiating conversation and saying hello to people. I usually either start into conversation without saying hi at all or just stand there and stare at the person until they notice that I'm there. That scares people. They don't like it when people don't say hi to them. I don't know why...



Musical_Lottie
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06 Mar 2006, 6:10 pm

Tact? I try, but then end up at the opposite end - what comes out of my mouth is so garbled with so much twisted logic that I then have to try to explain what I've said, and in the end I just have to say outright what I mean. Which isn't good.


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Astreja
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06 Mar 2006, 11:46 pm

It doesn't happen very often, but once in a while something tactless or inappropriate just flies out of my mouth. Rarely is there any mean intent behind it. Usually, I just turned a phrase over in my mind and blurted out something because it sounded good.

Sometimes I hear it after the fact and wince; but a lot of the time I don't realize there's a problem until the offended party repeats my words back to me.



Data
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09 Mar 2006, 11:38 am

If we were blind, no one would make unkind comments if we tripped over something. But they can be really cruel and unkind if we trip up in a verbal/social interaction, yet we have as much control over that as a blind person has over their sightedness. It's just not fair :evil:



crisco
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11 Mar 2006, 7:33 pm

The best method with tact is do not a motormouth and save your words for generate one good line. Let the NTs do all the gabbing and you say one the classic line. People remember you by the lines. Aspies should never be motormouths but we can say something profound and mind-provocative.

I have bought a PDA with Verizon Broadband. This little device will be huge aid in conversations because I can google something and do my homework to ensure that my lines have something pr



gloomywtregret
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11 Mar 2006, 8:14 pm

It's one of my main aspie dilemmas.
I try to shut up but a part of me just wants to keep saying rabidly offensive things.