Anyone ever find themselves getting overly attached...

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car_crash
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02 Dec 2004, 8:27 pm

...with people on the internet?



mysticaria
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02 Dec 2004, 9:17 pm

Sometimes, I will get overly exited about someone emailing me... and then when they don't email me for a while, it will upset me... Because sometimes I will tend to put a lot of effort into emailing people, and then I realize that the other person only considers the email to be a form of "entertainment" mainly, and that they aren't really interested in ME as a person. :?



blondie
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02 Dec 2004, 10:27 pm

Yes!! :| :idea:


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Feste-Fenris
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03 Dec 2004, 3:24 am

There's no such thing as being too attached...

Social connections are what keep humanity afloat...



hale_bopp
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03 Dec 2004, 3:54 am

Yes, i used to get too attached to internet people, and it would often end in tears.

There are people I like alot, and have fun with on message boards. I don't really want to get too attached to internet people again.

Try not to expect anything from people, and you will be happier. I will be better off myself if i try and implement this phrase. :?



Catffienated
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03 Dec 2004, 7:39 am

I think of people on the internet as the same (if not sometimes better) than people I meet/talk with in real life. After all, it removes my voice (ick, I hate my voice), body language, tone, etc...


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hale_bopp
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03 Dec 2004, 7:24 pm

Catffienated wrote:
I think of people on the internet as the same (if not sometimes better) than people I meet/talk with in real life. After all, it removes my voice (ick, I hate my voice), body language, tone, etc...


That's alot of the reason I don't like the internet much.. lack of tones, emotions and body language, you often have no idea what people mean and what they're trying to imply by saying things - sarcasm, concern, or what not.



car_crash
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03 Dec 2004, 8:15 pm

basically i met this girl on a message board who i became infatuated with. we wrote to each other and spoke to each other on the phone but nows she's found someone in "real" life. its happened to me before too. i must be a sucker for idiocy! :(



Catffienated
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03 Dec 2004, 8:43 pm

I like somebody I met on the 'net too. It was mutual, but I think their feelings changed. :oops:


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hale_bopp
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04 Dec 2004, 5:02 am

car_crash wrote:
basically i met this girl on a message board who i became infatuated with. we wrote to each other and spoke to each other on the phone but nows she's found someone in "real" life. its happened to me before too. i must be a sucker for idiocy! :(


yeah, it happened to me too, before. I was so into this guy, then he gets a real GF, it's really not worth the time and the pain.



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04 Dec 2004, 6:39 am

Quote:
That's alot of the reason I don't like the internet much.. lack of tones, emotions and body language, you often have no idea what people mean and what they're trying to imply by saying things - sarcasm, concern, or what not.


Those are actually the reasons why I like the internet. You only have to worry about the words, and nothing else. And misunderstandings are more often mutual, rather than just my own fault :oops: . Also, it gives me more time to gather and organize my thoughts, something I am very bad at in real life.

Quote:
basically i met this girl on a message board who i became infatuated with. we wrote to each other and spoke to each other on the phone but nows she's found someone in "real" life. its happened to me before too. i must be a sucker for idiocy!


I'm sorry to hear that. There is a guy I think I like who likes me on another message board. I'm not sure exactly what sort of relationship it is, but the other forum members have arranged this odd sort of "online marriage" between the two of us :oops: . I'm not sure if anything real will ever come of it, though.



Mich
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04 Dec 2004, 12:01 pm

No, but I became overly attached to the way Nick.com was up until November 2002. then it became too on-topic and soon enough they got a lousy new skin!

:!: Mich :?:



JayShaw
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04 Dec 2004, 12:28 pm

Heh. Every woman that I've ever been remotely involved with romantically has been someone I've met online. As far as I'm concerned, this is currently the best method of meeting someone you're truly compatible with, since it allows you to cut out the "noise" of physical attraction and social niceties and focus exclusively on someone's personality.

It all depends on what you're looking for, though. Most people don't seem to be terribly focused on finding someone compatible and prefer to focus on other aspects of attraction, such as physical looks, social status, or the ability to be entertaining.

For example, if you're like the infamous LetsGoBlues, online dating would probably be a bad idea, since you judge women exclusively on physical attraction. People who require some sort of "spark" with a person they meet (a concept that I never understood at all, honestly) would be better off meeting others in person. Likewise, people who aren't particularly picky about who they mate with would be better served meeting others in person because this requires less effort than arranging a relationship with a person online.

If you are focused primarily on personality, though, meeting people online is a great option. You can learn a great deal about another person just by having a few online conversations with him/her or reading his/her profile at a dating web site, such as match.com. It's a great way to quickly screen out people who would be poor matches, whereas you would have no easy, inoffensive method of doing this with someone you meet in person.

If you meet someone in an online medium other than a dating web site, as many of you apparently have, figuring out the other person's intentions can easily become quite "fuzzy." The best way to overcome this problem is to communicate with the other person about your feelings. If you're interested in a real relationship, ask the other person if he/she would like to meet in person at some point in the future.


Quote:
There is a guy I think I like who likes me on another message board. I'm not sure exactly what sort of relationship it is, but the other forum members have arranged this odd sort of "online marriage" between the two of us. I'm not sure if anything real will ever come of it, though.


This one hits pretty close to home for me, Civet. I used to religiously play a text-based role-playing game online called DragonRealms. Many of the regular players would end up becoming involved with each other in the game, often arranging marriages between their characters. This was often serious business, as many players would willingly pay around $200 for GameMaster assisted weddings.

Some of the players became involved in real relationships with each other. This was actually how I became involved in the closest thing I've had to a normal relationship with a woman (alas, she ended up dumping me).

Other players kept their relationships entirely within the game. Many of these people either had self-esteem issues or were already in real relationships that weren't going well. I never really understood the appeal for the entirely "fake" relationships, personally.

At any rate, if you're genuinely interested in this guy, try having a serious talk with him about it. Communication really is necessary to make these sort of things work.

If you aren't genuinely interested, I'd recommend that you avoid becoming embroiled in an "imaginary" relationship or wedding. This is simply not emotionally healthy behavior and would almost certainly end up hurting at least one of you.

If you're undecided about your feelings, try to gather the information necessary to facilitate a decision as quickly as possible. Being fickle about this sort of thing isn't morally sound, as far as I'm concerned.



Civet
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04 Dec 2004, 12:44 pm

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At any rate, if you're genuinely interested in this guy, try having a serious talk with him about it. Communication really is necessary to make these sort of things work.

If you aren't genuinely interested, I'd recommend that you avoid becoming embroiled in an "imaginary" relationship or wedding. This is simply not emotionally healthy behavior and would almost certainly end up hurting at least one of you.



I am interested, it's just the distance between us (location wise) that makes things a bit difficult. I'm also not sure how interested he really is. I know he likes me as a friend, but I'm not sure if there is really more to it or not. I tried to ask him once, but he didn't respond clearly, so I avoided pushing the issue. I suppose I should ask him again, now that some time has passed.

I agree that having an imaginary relationship is not a good idea. It was something that was not brought up by either of us, but by a few other friends on the forum. I was very reluctant at first, until they finally explained to me that it was just for fun.



hale_bopp
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04 Dec 2004, 12:52 pm

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Heh. Every woman that I've ever been remotely involved with romantically has been someone I've met online. As far as I'm concerned, this is currently the best method of meeting someone you're truly compatible with, since it allows you to cut out the "noise" of physical attraction and social niceties and focus exclusively on someone's personality.


you're lucky, eveyone i've met over the internet has been a complete disaster. I don't think i'll ever try it again. They seem ok online but offline I just feel nothing for them.



JayShaw
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04 Dec 2004, 2:33 pm

Quote:
I am interested, it's just the distance between us (location wise) that makes things a bit difficult. I'm also not sure how interested he really is. I know he likes me as a friend, but I'm not sure if there is really more to it or not. I tried to ask him once, but he didn't respond clearly, so I avoided pushing the issue. I suppose I should ask him again, now that some time has passed.


Yeah, the location thing can really be a killer. Essentially, for things to work out, one of you would have to be willing to move. If one of you isn't deeply rooted to your current location, this may not present too deep a problem. If both of you are, it could be a huge roadblock.

Anyway, you should definitely talk to him about the subject again if your feelings for him are serious. I understand that it's often difficult to be completely forthright about your feelings for someone (emotional exposure and all of that), but I would encourage you to make every effort to obtain a clear answer one way or the other this time around. This might mean that you need to reveal your feelings for him first. After all, one of you has to do this eventually if things are going to work out.