Minority aspies harder to make new friends?

Page 1 of 1 [ 15 posts ] 

jc6chan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2009
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,257
Location: Waterloo, ON, Canada

27 Jan 2010, 9:03 pm

Before I write anything else, let me clarify that I am not accusing anyone of racism but that this is my theory of a phenomenon that happens.

I am a Chinese Canadian and I came to Canada when I was almost 5. I am one of those people who don't have much attachment to my "motherland" or home country in a cultural sense. I don't know what TV shows are common in Hong Kong and I don't know many famous people who live in HK.

The point I am trying to make is that when I am in a situation where I meet new people, other people see me as very quiet and they may think that I am one of those people who are not interested in hanging out with them and they think that I am still very culturally attached to my home country. I always have wondered in the past if it would've been easier for me to make friends if I was white.

You know what I mean right? Like Koreans hang out in their own group speaking Korean and Chinese people hang out in their own group speaking Mandarin or Cantonese.

Its not that the white people are being racist. They just think that you would prefer to hang out in your own "ethnicity group" when they see you being quiet.

So yeah, wondering if minorities have a harder time making new friends.



Stinkypuppy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Oct 2006
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,554

27 Jan 2010, 9:48 pm

I think it could work both ways, though. You might have a harder time making new friends with white people, but it might be easier making new friends with people of your own ethnicity. This would be especially applicable if you had more of a cultural attachment to, in your case, Hong Kong. I'm Filipino-American but born here in the US, and while I was growing up I was pretty much forced by my parents to socialize with other Filipinos, so eventually I got to know the culture pretty well. It did make it easier for me to strike up conversations with other Filipinos at times when we were a distinct minority (e.g. among a large group of white people) since we had at least one thing in common.


_________________
Won't you help a poor little puppy?


SirLogiC
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 350

27 Jan 2010, 10:25 pm

I'm "white" and in Australia. I get the feeling some people think I'm odd though I can generally act passably normal, I still have no friends and few acquaintances. :P



poopylungstuffing
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Mar 2007
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,714
Location: Snapdragon Ridge

27 Jan 2010, 10:33 pm

I can't really speak for myself..granted I have only a very few reciprocal friendships and am caucasian...BUT I have an acquaintance who I feel is an aspie based upon his social awkwardness, the intensity of his interests, and a few other things....and he is black..and his obsessive interest is music...so he tends to ramble and ramble and ramble encyclopedically about different bands and whatnot...

His social awkwardness is such that while he is an extrovert, he has a tendency to alienate many of the people he interacts with because he tends to have very little tact and seems to have little understanding of boundaries...(I am not trying to be mean...this is just how I know him)..my partner describes him as "very imposing"

He has always talked about how difficult it was for him to get along with others of his own race...including his own family...because his interests were so different from the people around him.

Unfortunately, it is also difficult for him to get along well with anybody else, because his social skills frequently put people off...I am sorry to say....

He aggravates me....though I do feel kinda sorry for him....and I wish I had the capacity to be kinder to him on the premise that I believe him to possibly be an aspie...and the vast majority of other people who I know..who are acquainted with him...have some beef or other with him as well...and talk badly about him behind his back.

It makes me sad...Outwardly, I am unable to be very friendly with him...but I am seldom very friendly with most people...I am basically neutral unless provoked....I cannot mask the aggravation he has caused me when he has done the things that irritate me, and it is difficult for me to be nicer to him, as usually when I see him, I am stressed out to begin with...

Anywhoo...I can tell that things must be difficult for him....not fitting in easily among mainstream African-Americans....nor among many of the group he tends to hang around ( i guess...counter-culture types mostly)..because of his AS-ish issues..

He has occasionally talked about problems he has had at many different places he has gone around the country...

I am sure it must be frustrating that he is facing similar issues among the people in my particular peer group as well...



Peko
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,381
Location: Eastern PA, USA

27 Jan 2010, 11:49 pm

I wouldn't know, I'm caucasian American & have never had any non-white aspie/autie acquaintances that I am aware of (I knew one low functioning autie who was adopted so not sure about his ethnicity (light brown skin dark eyes & hair) who might count whom I haven't seen in a few years). This is an interesting topic/idea. hmm?


_________________
Balance is needed within the universe, can be demonstrated in most/all concepts/things. Black/White, Good/Evil, etc.
All dependent upon your own perspective in your own form of existence, so trust your own gut and live the way YOU want/need to.


mikkyh
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jan 2010
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 159

27 Jan 2010, 11:52 pm

I think a large majority of people with AS have trouble making friends. I'm in my own country and I have nobody.


_________________
Michael H
mikkyh.info


Blindspot149
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Oct 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,516
Location: Aspergers Quadrant, INTJ, AQ 45/50

28 Jan 2010, 12:20 am

All people with AS are a minority.

I can see how also being a racial/religious/ethnic (and any other category of) minority might mean that a person with AS might feel even more isolated.

When I see someone who is very quiet now, I often wonder if they are on the Spectrum, regardless of how they look.


_________________
Now then, tell me. What did Miggs say to you? Multiple Miggs in the next cell. He hissed at you. What did he say?


hartzofspace
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled

28 Jan 2010, 12:36 am

I was teased and tormented a lot, by African American children when I was in grade school. Their reasons varied; they found my stimming funny, they didn't count me as one of them because my mother is bi-racial (Native American and Asian), and I was, according to them, just plain WEIRD. I always felt especially left out when they would gather together and laugh and talk so easily. :(


_________________
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner


jocundthelilac
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Apr 2009
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,541
Location: Maggiland's vital regions :P

28 Jan 2010, 7:39 am

I'm white Irish, so I guess I'm not a minority...

I had a few multiracial aspie friends at school- a mixed-race (black/white) girl and another mixed-race (Middle Eastern/white) boy. I knew nobody from an entirely ethnic background though, but these two had a few friends- mostly fellow aspies.


_________________
I'm a writer, not a fighter and my pen is always loaded.

Magnús Scheving is my Icelandic rose :)


CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,289
Location: Stalag 13

28 Jan 2010, 7:49 am

I had a hard time making friends in school, because of my accent. People with accents were a minority, in my elementery school.


_________________
Who wants to adopt a Sweet Pea?


Vanilla_Slice
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Oct 2008
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 515
Location: Hungary

28 Jan 2010, 9:14 am

I think ALL aspies have problems making friends, it doesn't matter about racial origin.

Vanilla_Slice



mikkyh
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jan 2010
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 159

28 Jan 2010, 12:27 pm

Vanilla_Slice wrote:
I think ALL aspies have problems making friends, it doesn't matter about racial origin.

Vanilla_Slice


Mhm :)


_________________
Michael H
mikkyh.info


leania
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jan 2010
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 9

28 Jan 2010, 3:55 pm

I study abroad, and while most people can't tell from my looks and/or accent that I'm not a native of the country I live in, sometimes being a foreigner can make things easier ... because as a stranger you're not expected to fit in as neatly anyway, and if you're awkward or silent it might just you being, well, a foreigner.
So I guess there is some effect, but it can also be positive.



Tequila
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Feb 2006
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,897
Location: Lancashire, UK

28 Jan 2010, 5:03 pm

I know a very geeky HK Canadian who lives in Toronto. He's much older than you though - we met a couple of times while I was on holiday there.



Blindspot149
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Oct 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,516
Location: Aspergers Quadrant, INTJ, AQ 45/50

28 Jan 2010, 5:19 pm

leania wrote:
I study abroad, and while most people can't tell from my looks and/or accent that I'm not a native of the country I live in, sometimes being a foreigner can make things easier ... because as a stranger you're not expected to fit in as neatly anyway, and if you're awkward or silent it might just you being, well, a foreigner.
So I guess there is some effect, but it can also be positive.


In his complete guide to Asperger's Syndrome, Tony Attwood points out that there seem to be a disproportionate proportion of 'expats' with AS than would typically be found in their home countries.


_________________
Now then, tell me. What did Miggs say to you? Multiple Miggs in the next cell. He hissed at you. What did he say?