guys approaching girls = inefficient

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Aaendi
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12 Dec 2014, 7:08 pm

By Jjancee's logic, if you run over a person with a car, running him over repeatedly before he can get up will justify it, because he would be "desperate" and "the lowest common denominator."



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14 Dec 2014, 8:06 am

Aaendi wrote:
By Jjancee's logic, if you run over a person with a car, running him over repeatedly before he can get up will justify it, because he would be "desperate" and "the lowest common denominator."


That's a good point especially since the OP could be dead for all we know. His last visit was in January 07.



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14 Dec 2014, 8:37 am

I still don’t get what’s inefficient about it.


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14 Dec 2014, 10:20 am

^^^
He claimed it supposedly "doesn't work" the vast-majority of the time even though it's the norm, unlike when it's the other way around.



SinewStew
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14 Dec 2014, 2:18 pm

90%, really? I doubt that's the case if you're asking out the right person, not just everyone.



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14 Dec 2014, 2:25 pm

By Jjancee's logic, any guy who never had a relationship or failed in getting a relationship must be related to a red flag of a very repellent and bad personality - she didn't seem to acknowledge that there are things beyond one's control (or can hardly be tweaked) that make people chronically single like very ugly looks, extreme introversion, bad childhood (bullying, low self esteem...etc), or ....autism.

I am sure she will return with a new sockpuppet.



yellowtamarin
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15 Dec 2014, 12:44 am

SinewStew wrote:
90%, really? I doubt that's the case if you're asking out the right person, not just everyone.

Something I've realised over time is that most people don't know themselves well enough, including what they want in a partner, to know how to recognise "the right person".



SinewStew
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16 Dec 2014, 2:43 am

By, "right person" I didn't mean Mr. or Ms. Right, I mean the person who may be receptive to saying yes to a date.



yellowtamarin
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16 Dec 2014, 3:34 am

SinewStew wrote:
By, "right person" I didn't mean Mr. or Ms. Right, I mean the person who may be receptive to saying yes to a date.

That's kinda what I meant, too. Knowing who you should be asking out, who is suitable. And people should be asking out people who suit them, as they are more likely to be receptive to saying yes to a date.



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16 Dec 2014, 5:38 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
SinewStew wrote:
By, "right person" I didn't mean Mr. or Ms. Right, I mean the person who may be receptive to saying yes to a date.

That's kinda what I meant, too. Knowing who you should be asking out, who is suitable. And people should be asking out people who suit them, as they are more likely to be receptive to saying yes to a date.

Suitable in what way particularly?

Physical aspects?

Personality?

Level of attractiveness?

Upbringing?

Intelligence?



yellowtamarin
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16 Dec 2014, 5:43 am

^ Yes.



(in any way that is relevant)



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16 Dec 2014, 3:31 pm

But how does one objectively measure such things?

Like physical attractiveness for example?

hotornot.com?

And don't certain people have certain preferences that others don't have?

Like a 6 to one person can't be a 6 to everyone for example, or can they?



mpe
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16 Dec 2014, 6:15 pm

hurtloam wrote:
I'm still dubious about this idea that women don't ask men out. My mum asked my dad out, my best friend asked out her husband, I was at a wedding recently and the bride was the one who asked the groom out.

Sounds like you are saying more that women will only ask men out if they are "husband hunting".
It's taken me quite a long time to work out exactly why I don't find such anecdotes personally reassuring.



mpe
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16 Dec 2014, 6:26 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
Knowing who you should be asking out, who is suitable. And people should be asking out people who suit them, as they are more likely to be receptive to saying yes to a date.


The who is "suitable" depends on many different factors.
There's also the problem that quite a large proportion of people (more women than men it appears) will not date "friends". Thus raising the question of how you could possibly find out if they are suitable in the first place.



yellowtamarin
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16 Dec 2014, 8:45 pm

Uprising wrote:
But how does one objectively measure such things?

Like physical attractiveness for example?

hotornot.com?

And don't certain people have certain preferences that others don't have?

Like a 6 to one person can't be a 6 to everyone for example, or can they?

They aren't objectively measured, they are subjectively measured, that's the whole point. You want to figure out who is suitable for you. And yes, while you may find someone physically attractive, that doesn't mean they will feel the same way about you. Getting to know yourself really well (including getting to know how different people respond to you, etc.) helps to ascertain whether there is likelihood of a mutual attraction. Like I could walk down the street and see someone about whom I could say "yes, they are attractive and I wouldn't kick them out of bed" but I'd feel fairly certain that they would not feel the same way about me. Of course I couldn't know for sure, but having a greater level of "judgement" I guess you could call it, means you pursue fewer people but those people are more likely to be suitable. The success rate rises.

Sure, another method is to ask out almost anyone, but then you will have a lower success rate. If that won't get you down, that may be a perfectly valid way to go about it.


SinewStew may have simply been referring to things like "best not to ask out someone who is in a relationship" because they are much less likely to be receptive to dating you. Might sound simple enough but I know people who don't even realise that this should generally be a limiting factor, or at least that one's relationship status should be established before there is any asking out.


mpe wrote:
The who is "suitable" depends on many different factors.

Sure does.



yellowtamarin
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16 Dec 2014, 8:47 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
Uprising wrote:
But how does one objectively measure such things?

Like physical attractiveness for example?

hotornot.com?

And don't certain people have certain preferences that others don't have?

Like a 6 to one person can't be a 6 to everyone for example, or can they?

They aren't objectively measured, they are subjectively measured, that's the whole point. You want to figure out who is suitable for you. And yes, while you may find someone physically attractive, that doesn't mean they will feel the same way about you. Getting to know yourself really well (including getting to know how different people respond to you, etc.) helps to ascertain whether there is likelihood of a mutual attraction. Like I could walk down the street and see someone about whom I could say "yes, they are attractive and I wouldn't kick them out of bed" but I'd feel fairly certain that they would not feel the same way about me. Of course I couldn't know for sure, but having a greater level of "judgement" I guess you could call it, means you pursue fewer people but those people are more likely to be suitable. The success rate rises.

Sure, another method is to ask out almost anyone, but then you will have a lower success rate. If that won't get you down, that may be a perfectly valid way to go about it.


SinewStew may have simply been referring to things like "best not to ask out someone who is in a relationship" because they are much less likely to be receptive to dating you. Might sound simple enough but I know people who don't even realise that this should generally be a limiting factor, or at least that one's relationship status should be established before there is any asking out.

So it's probably actually more about "ruling out" than "ruling in".


mpe wrote:
The who is "suitable" depends on many different factors.

Sure does.