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Love song i have for girl but im not sure if its emotional

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neroulogicaly
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28 Jan 2010, 7:07 pm

This is a song i wrote for a girl i like but im not sure if 1. its emotional 2.if its nice 3. if a girl would like it
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When you were here before Couldn't look you in the eye; You're just like an angel, Your skin makes me cry. You float like a feather In a beautiful world. Overcome with your beauty I cant talk, your so special. I wish I was special
I dont care if it hurts, I really like you.

I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul I want you to notice When I'm not around. Will you come if the sky was burning? Will you come if you knew? Your so special, I wish I was special. But im a creep, and those other things they say.

What they say is true, i'm insane about you. If only I could say, if only you knew, you see me look away, im sorry I wish I had control, you're just like an angel, I become so shy. You float like a feather in a beautiful world. Overcome with your beauty I cant talk, your so special. I wish I was special. But im a werido.

If the sky was to burn, would you come to me? I'l make you safe, I wont let them touch you. What the hell am I doing?
I dont belong here. You ask me what I want, I just go red again.

My mind runs away out the door again, why wont it let me confront you.
Whatever makes you happy, whatever you want. Your so special. Can I be special?
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im kind of nervous about what she say :oops:


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righton
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28 Jan 2010, 7:24 pm

Most of those lyrics are plagiarized from Radiohead.



neroulogicaly
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28 Jan 2010, 7:32 pm

and.... im not selling it though gezz its hard to think of better words really but hey at least i had a go at putting some of my own words in it but dos anyone be nice and help me nope they just complain and btw this whle sentence is plagarised since its not my own words except yuifhytfkghfy thats my only own word :P so how about instead of complaining you help me write a unique song? cause im not in mood for people being like that i want help with problems that is why i posted this thread


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Lene
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28 Jan 2010, 7:39 pm

To answer your questions;

Quote:
1. is it it emotional?


The lyrics are very emotional. The way you sing it will give the most feeling though.
Quote:
2 is it nice?


With regards to the lyrics, I would ease up on the lines where you call yourself a 'creep' and 'weirdo'. You aren't doing yourelf any favours by putting yourself down and there are enough people out there in life that will be more than happy to do this for you.

It's your job to let people see your good side, through actions and words

Quote:
3. would a girl would like it?


Are you already going out with her? If you are, I'm sure she will be flattered whatever the lyrics.

If you are not a couple though, it'd be better to start the relationship with a cup of coffee together and a few dates (or variation of), rather than trying to serenade her off the bat. Although it works great in novels, in reality she may laugh at you or become scared off.

I would steer clear of lyrics such as this; "What they say is true, i'm insane about you", again because she may take it literally. I know you mean it as a figure of speech, but if a guy were to come up to me singing that I would probably pre-book the restraining order :P

Finally, jut nit-picking here, but it may be worth leaving out line referring to wanting the perfect body. You do go on to say you want a perfect soul, that's true, but just reading it made me a little uneasy; it's a bit objectifying to the girl you are singing it to.

That's my 2 cents anyway; feel free to disregard them. I'm not trying to tear your song to shreds; it's well written and has a lot of emotion. I just think it may be better showing it to her once you guys are a couple (it would be very romantic then). Good luck :)



neroulogicaly
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28 Jan 2010, 7:49 pm

lol thnx :) i guess i still need to work on it by the body and soul i meant me being perfect lol i guess its ok for my attempt at a happy kind of song. ones that i write from scratch are very emotional but very very depressing lol :( so i had a go at at kind of using a popular love song and tuneing it sure its plagarism but im trying to make more happy song i see no wrong in it im not going to sell the song lol i guess if i spend 20 minutes i come up with something unique but i cant think of better words to describe my feelings i guess it take extra 10 minutes to think of something else to describe on similar level. righton would you like to read a unique song after to calm you down :P


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therange
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28 Jan 2010, 7:54 pm

That song, minus a few word changes, is the song "Creep" by Radiohead. You trying to make a joke or something?



neroulogicaly
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28 Jan 2010, 8:03 pm

:cry: i admited it already i come on here asking for help and what do i get. oh its from creep from radiohead blah blah yes it is i stated i got it from a popular love song and i said i plagarised. you know i really want someone to stop complaining at me i can write my own songs pages as a matter of fact they are good but very very depressing and swear a lot :( I WANT HELP but no i dont get it and now i have to go to sleep think of what to say but i fail that cause i get so shy :( if anyone else says i plagarised well done you read the song did you read the messages i replied with? nope you didnt


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Judge not by the label but by the heart.
No labels will make everyone equal.
If somethings different ,its not better just different.
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leschevalsroses
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28 Jan 2010, 8:10 pm

neroulogicaly wrote:
This is a song i wrote for a girl i like


You would probably get a warmer reception if you said you were going to sing this song by Radiohead, here's the lyrics, what do you think the girl will say, instead of saying that you wrote the song.

You should probably also tell this girl that it's not your song. I personally think it's a little cheesy, but a lot of girls like that sort of thing.



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28 Jan 2010, 10:43 pm

leschevalsroses wrote:
neroulogicaly wrote:
This is a song i wrote for a girl i like


You would probably get a warmer reception if you said you were going to sing this song by Radiohead, here's the lyrics, what do you think the girl will say, instead of saying that you wrote the song.

You should probably also tell this girl that it's not your song. I personally think it's a little cheesy, but a lot of girls like that sort of thing.


Yeah, that kind of betrays your intent.

I wrote a song for a girl once. Well, a poem at least. In iambic pentameter, no less... I showed it to her but never explained my true feelings.

The Girl of the Dreams

Our first connection still in my mind gleams
With luck, you’ll have a place in your heart too
I wish you’d say you feel the way I do
You always will be the girl of the dreams

I wish I’d been there when you needed me
I could have helped you sort out what is real
You know I sense more than what you feel
What we are is less than what we should be

All my life I’ve felt this empty hole
I feel like you are my one missing piece
And only you can set my inner peace
You can free my soul and make my life whole

You are the thinker floating through the night
You hit the switch but you can’t change the light
Sleeping, feeling, thinking, dreaming of love
You are the light that guides me from above


It actually began as I experimented with the format. I've realized that I write most of my poetry when I feel great affection for someone. My first and only attemp with the format thus far, it's a bit choppy. I did work out the big bugs though. It makes me think of the lyrics to Echo Image's "My Sense of Emptiness" as follows:

Quote:
I tried too hard to make it right
I should have known that too long ago
I’m waiting, analyzing signs
Believing everything
But I won’t go on suffering
Each day I hear you
Speak of someone new
It’s time to say goodbye


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neroulogicaly
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29 Jan 2010, 1:41 pm

i probably be to shy to sing :oops:
mmmm perhaps i see if i can make something before valentines if not i just use that.
ye my support says i am my worst enemy lol im very open to misinterpretation on both sides lol :(
i think i should try to make my own which would take ages to narrow down into a page that is presuming i start writing the song then finish it :roll: last song i wrote was very depressing and about anxiety and it wasnt a love song it was 4 pages long. :lol: i think i put it on here if i ever get around to writing, college is kind of not giving me much time to think about this stuff. :evil:


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Judge not by the label but by the heart.
No labels will make everyone equal.
If somethings different ,its not better just different.
My qoutes :>)


neroulogicaly
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29 Jan 2010, 3:18 pm

thought of this so far i need to like tweak it its a prototype i tryed showing tone difference with ! that is louder and more lively bits lol :wink:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hey are you there?
are you listening?
well i hear voices, and i tell you what they say,

life is just so hard i try to get by,
but its so hard with what happens to me.
and when i see you it helps me get by.
but its so hard when i get so shy again.

i may not be a prophet like jesus,
but i am a gentleman well i try to be.
i imagine a world where i can be who i want to be.

i dream of a world where im not judged!, and im not shy!,
and that i can feel this groveing and this moveing!,
whats all the feeling inside is loveing!, wooooo ye

well i sure know all i want is you,
im not needy but i do need you.
well you want to know why i like you,
well i have got to say.

your words are so soothing!, it makes my heart groveing!,
my heart starts danceing!, i feel so happy keep soothing!,
did you beat me at lanceing!, cause you struck me and i fell in love!,

your just like a lovely dove,
im ussualy carefull but i think cupid got me,
i just want to impress you cause you got me,
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


_________________
If someone thinks im werid;Then wont they be werid,For thinking im werid?
Judge not by the label but by the heart.
No labels will make everyone equal.
If somethings different ,its not better just different.
My qoutes :>)


alana
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29 Jan 2010, 8:01 pm

no. don't play this song to attract someone to you. you are not a creep. this song is about loving someone unattainable..because you feel like you are a creep.

I would pick another song, honestly.



neroulogicaly
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30 Jan 2010, 8:49 am

nope im singing this one i WROTE but its in works lol might just end it as it is now ! means when its nore lively and well loud lol

hey are you there?
are you listening?
well i hear voices, and i tell you what they say,

life is just so hard i try to get by,
but its so hard with what happens to me.
and when i see you it helps me get by.
but its so hard when i get so shy again.

i may not be a prophet like jesus,
but i am a gentleman well i try to be.
i imagine a world where i can be who i want to be.

i dream of a world where im not judged!, and im not shy!,
and that i can feel this groveing and this moveing!,
whats all the feeling inside is loveing!, wooooo ye

well i sure know all i want is you,
im not needy but i do need you.
well you want to know why i like you,
well i have got to say.

your words are so soothing!, it makes my heart groveing!,
my heart starts danceing!, i feel so happy keep soothing!,
did you beat me at lanceing!, cause you struck me and i fell in love!,

your just like a lovely dove,
im ussualy carefull but i think cupid got me,
i just want to impress you cause you got me,


_________________
If someone thinks im werid;Then wont they be werid,For thinking im werid?
Judge not by the label but by the heart.
No labels will make everyone equal.
If somethings different ,its not better just different.
My qoutes :>)


Brianna
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31 Jan 2010, 9:21 pm

neroulogicaly wrote:
This is a song i wrote for a girl i like but im not sure if 1. its emotional 2.if its nice 3. if a girl would like it
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you were here before Couldn't look you in the eye; You're just like an angel, Your skin makes me cry. You float like a feather In a beautiful world. Overcome with your beauty I cant talk, your so special. I wish I was special
I dont care if it hurts, I really like you.

I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul I want you to notice When I'm not around. Will you come if the sky was burning? Will you come if you knew? Your so special, I wish I was special. But im a creep, and those other things they say.

What they say is true, i'm insane about you. If only I could say, if only you knew, you see me look away, im sorry I wish I had control, you're just like an angel, I become so shy. You float like a feather in a beautiful world. Overcome with your beauty I cant talk, your so special. I wish I was special. But im a werido.

If the sky was to burn, would you come to me? I'l make you safe, I wont let them touch you. What the hell am I doing?
I dont belong here. You ask me what I want, I just go red again.

My mind runs away out the door again, why wont it let me confront you.
Whatever makes you happy, whatever you want. Your so special. Can I be special?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
im kind of nervous about what she say :oops:





-Awwww The song is adorable. Very emotional. First i have to say you are very talented! =]
Second: Theres a couple things...
1.Are you in a realtionship with this gurl?
2. How long have you known her?
_If your not in a realtionship with her and you jus meet her this might come off as" too much" for a girl. She might think that its weird. OR she might go the other way and think its really cute. It just depends on your realtionship with this girl, how long youve known eachother, what you know about her, and if she likes you.

I say talk to her. Dont shut yourself down. Tell her how you feel. * Heres a story for ya! -When i first started hanging out with my boyfriend and gettting to know him (before we started dating) he really liked me..like reallyyy like me lol. He asked me out 3 times in a 2 or 3 month period. I said no everytime. Until one night i asked him to come over to the house i was chilling at wit my best friend and i knew after that night that i wanted to be his girlfriend. SO the 4th time he asked i said yes. Weve been together for over 2 years. He dedicated a song to me and did all the little cute things that guys and even some other girls think is "weird". So dont give up if you really like her. Hope my story helped. =]



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31 Jan 2010, 10:01 pm

righton wrote:
Most of those lyrics are plagiarized from Radiohead.


thank you.
Just as I read the first bit that resembled Radiohead I knew I've heard it before and I started singing it in my head but it was killing me I coulden't figure it out.

ty ty *puts on Like Spinning Plates*