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Vance
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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Age: 40
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03 Feb 2010, 9:35 pm

On the rare occasions that I actually have an idea or feedback to contribute to discussions at work, I can never seem to find a gap, especially when there are a lot of people involved. No one leaves pauses that I can fill, with each person voicing their thoughts as they happen, the instant the previous speaker finishes. I can't follow how people seem to know when to speak and when not to, and whenever I do open my mouth it seems to be in the same split-second that someone else speaks (and having a quiet voice, this usually means my attempt goes unnoticed). Ordinarily I'd be happy to stay quiet, but as this is a workplace thing I can feel some criticism creeping up on me. People will notice that I'm the only one that doesn't contribute and probably jump to negative conclusions, in the way that NTs generally do.

Anyone have any suggestions for dealing with this? It's rare that I have anything to say at all, so on the occasions when I do have something to contribute, it's incredibly frustrating to watch the opportunity pass by.



Apera
Veteran
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03 Feb 2010, 10:06 pm

Well... I can't say for sure that forcing your idea into consideration is better than not contributing, but I'd give it a shot. I'm starting to realize that I'd rather speak up, make mistakes, and learn from them than stay silent and ignorant. Not always, but when I can benefit from it at least. Like, at school. The one teacher has an attitude that isn't very conducive to a learning environment.


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ConfusedInLife
Butterfly
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03 Feb 2010, 11:03 pm

Well one thing I have done is when you get that thought write it down, keep a notepad with you at all times. Then when the opening comes tell them straight up "I know I'm late on the topic but I had this in mind" you never know that the idea you had could have been what they where looking for. Everybodys different and like most of the people on this site we think differently. I share the same problem you have, but in different situations



Thellie
Tufted Titmouse
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04 Feb 2010, 5:20 am

Sometimes you gotta make the gap.

In situations with many outgoing people and a lively debate where I have an input, I just use phrases to interupt.

Person A is talking
Person B responds
Person A has another input
I go "Well.." and then I pause, in case I speak at the same time as person B again, then my interuption isnt so bad and they know I have something on my mind so they will turn to me, and I have created myself a gap.

Stear away from "err.." and "uhm.." as "gap-makers" tho. Shooting in a sentence right away might be seen as rude if you speak at the same time as someone else. If you use a word like "Well" or "However.." "But.." and then pause for a second and only carry on if you get peoples attention, then its not as rude. Should someone start speaking right away then they might be rude ones and will most likely know this and give you a "gap" at the soonest possible time. Either way, to make a gap you have to signal for it in some situations.

And dont worry about the pace of the debate, unless something is settled and decided upon in a meeting, its prefectly allowed to "If I may.. I have a thought regarding what you mentioned a few minutes ago.." is perfectly viable and polite.