Anger Management

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It's been a nasty little problem for me for quite a while... especially last year. I seem to have a bad habit of putting my problems off until I just can't take it anymore, and I do some stuff that could get me in a huge amount of trouble in a public school.

For example, one time a teacher fussed at me because I had to do a whole lot of cutting with scissors (which I can't stand... something about my AS motor skills), and I told her to "Go F*** herself", flipped a desk over, walked out the classroom and chilled in the lobby. The dean of students came in and asked me to go to his office after that, and I refused and he said he was going to call the police. I said to go ahead and do so. Eventually, my mom just came and picked me up and I was suspended for a day. Granted, I haven't had an outburst like that in a while, but the problem is still there and I have to bite my lips until it bleeds sometimes to hold it back. Anybody else having some problems with this? (It doesn't have to be on the level of my outburst however )

Well, I'm still quite young in your eyes I believe (17... lol), so I'm still trying to search for what really tends to set me off. The feeling I have when I get angry are actually most of the times normal reasons... i.e. having the girl you like be a b***h to you and flirt with other guys in front of you, and getting blamed for a dicipline action you didn't even commit. It's how I react to them, however, that sets me apart. Whatever deep feelings I have when I'm in a bad mood just come out. I become extremely stubborn and refuse to do anything anybody asks until I finally calm down.


For the social part though, I've also had a shared experience with the social problems for a while. Sometimes, I just really want to be alone and it'll really get under my skin at times. For now, I just create my own social outlet when I want to by just chilling out and blasting my ipod over my big headphones... therefore tuning me out from everything. As soon as I stopped caring what everyone really thought about me, I was actually accepted into the general crowd ironically.


Edit:...Now that I really think about it, however, some of my general anger comes from failed Relationships in the past. I've dated girls that have simply wanted me for my money or because they find me attrractive and think it will make them look good to see them with a nice looking guy. One time, I exploded on a girl and told her that her loser birth mother didn't even want her and that nobody cared about her... another anger issue. Granted, I deeply regret what I said that day and would never under any circumstances strike a girl, but I guess the grief from a large point of my life has kind of made me bitter. Top that off with 99% of my other relationships going down the gutter because of some undeveloped social skills, and I guess I may have found where my anger has come from.

I don't think are reasons are quite the same for exploding, but I'm glad to know somebody else that actually goes and says "F*** you" to a person when your angry... which, of course, isn't acceptable socially.

I've been having issues with anger management as well. My fiancee has MS, which means that I have been put in the role of fiance/caregiver, which is a considerable financial, emotional, mental and physical strain as we invariably spend most hours of the day together. As a result, my temper, which has always been fairly close to the surface, has gotten worse.

A sample exchange--in front of the computer:
She: "Click on that, Andrew."
Me (confused): "Where?"
She (exasperated) "Right there. I swear, sometime I don't think you pay attention."
Me (defensive): "I didn't see it--the type is small."

You can see I'm already starting to get hot under the collar. Any further and I'm ready to erupt. I've already told her "F**k you" on several occasions, once (under my breath) in public when I got tired of her berating me.

Our living situation has improved recently so we do have more alone time, which has helped significantly. Nevertheless, I plan to do some form of anger management and possibly couples therapy. She plans to do the same--I've already spoken to her about her tone of voice and manner of speech.

I can only give three pieces of advice:
1) When you start to feel angry, immediately take deep breaths.
2) "First, count to four. Then swear."--Mark Twain
3) If you feel like smashing something, think of how much it will cost to replace. (I've already lost the use of a $1000 computer because of forgetting this advice.)

Good luck!

I used to bottle things up and fly off the handle as, when I do get going, I have a vile temper. Now I'm a lot calmer (my fuse is nowhere near as short as it used to be, man i was a b***h!) and I don't loose my temper as easily, however, when I do it is still quite nasty. Mine has just become more controlled with age I think, but I did have counselling for it for a while. I originally had counselling for another problem (an eating disorder) but I brought up the fact that I am prone to having a bad temper there too and, although they weren't exactly anger management classes they helped as it made me work out what situations or whatever set me off. So if you can work that out (which may take time) that may help and you may be less prone to outbursts. At least, from what I can see, you have figured out where some of your anger comes from. I share that too, past relationships weren't part of my anger but they aggrevated it as I too was treated badly and used in the past. I'm sorry to hear that girls have treated you in this way, I hope you have better luck in the future.

Thank you Fiz. I've actually been to many different counseling sessions before with several different people, but none of them really have helped at all. I swear, it seems as if I'm smarter than them on most occasions and their advice has even made things worse at times.

Since I've pretty much given up on counseling, I've decided to try a different method of approaching it and slowly becoming better step-by-step. First, I plan to make sure I don't hit anybody else and start a fight during my anger, as that's clearly the worst thing I could possibly do and the consequences are very regrettable when all is said and done. Unfortunately, it could be become a problem again in a future (See my post under the "Rivals" thread in the Romance Forum).

If I can accomplish that at least, then I'll just try not to break or hit anything at all unless it is of my possession. I've had to pay my old public school $750 to replace a computer once, and let's just say my parents weren't to happy about it... not to mention it came out of my savings account.

Once I can control my anger to a point of these two things, then I can perhaps work on the cussing issue and eventually, in the far future, I'll be able to control my temper on most occasions. I've had to learn a lot by myself on AS and I've recieved virtually no real outside help on it, so I've always had to be a self-learner on this stuff. I feel that if I can stay out of trouble, espeically with relationships, then perhaps I can start really trying to take these steps and equate them into my life.