Who here has a successful relationship with an NT?

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Villette
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16 Mar 2010, 4:27 am

I'm Aspie, the person I'm with is NT, with Aspie traits. He's serious, nerdy, intellectual but unlike me can form deep and meaningful friendships. (For me it takes a long time and with very few people.) He's rather moody but we confide in each other. He accepts my introversion and tells me not to conform. It's a very caring bond. My NT friend calls it "a sweet love." Of course it's still in the early stages as we are both introverts and I'm rather innocent in these matters. One good thing is that it has taught me to recognise more social cues.



Aspiewifey
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17 Mar 2010, 3:57 am

DavidM wrote:
This, folks, is why autistic men should not become emotionally involved with 'normal' women. Notice that she said she made sacrifices for 'his' relationship, not 'our' relationship.

My experience has been that women have no sexual feelings for introverted/autistic men, but rather they begin by pitying them intensely, treating them like a big cuddly toy, but as time goes on they feel total repulsion for him because he will never be able to provide her with security, children, nice cars, social status, and so on.


Wow. Sad. Quite aside from the fact that he completely misunderstood the original post he was replying to.

I'm an NT, my husband is AS. We've been together for almost five years (married for two).
If we're in separate rooms doing separate activities and then he walks in the room I'm in, my heart still does little flip-flops. We ARE that couple that drive people nuts in public places because we can't stop hugging etc.

Sexual repulsion? Ahem...no...
Security? We've never missed a mortgage payment.
Children? Well, none yet, but we just decided about 2 months ago that we're ready to start trying.
Nice cars? Our cars work. That makes them nice enough for me.
Social status? I'm not even sure what you mean by this...have you just been reading too much Jane Austen? "How can you marry someone with such low connections?!?!"

Seriously...you need to revamp your ideas of what constitutes NT women.



sunshower
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17 Mar 2010, 4:33 am

^ What she said. One thing I do find particularly depressing about this forum is discrimination against NT women (or women in general, really...)


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Sound
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18 Mar 2010, 7:00 am

sunshower wrote:
^ What she said. One thing I do find particularly depressing about this forum is discrimination against NT women (or women in general, really...)

Although I agree that discrimination against supposed 'NT's' is silly and mostly baseless, I gotta wonder how you're getting the part about discrimination toward women? Due to the solid population of women on this board, womens' perspective get's pretty good representation, and doesn't seem to lack any 'oomph' so far as I've seen.
But what do you see?



Aspiewifey
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19 Mar 2010, 12:17 am

Sound wrote:
sunshower wrote:
^ What she said. One thing I do find particularly depressing about this forum is discrimination against NT women (or women in general, really...)

Although I agree that discrimination against supposed 'NT's' is silly and mostly baseless, I gotta wonder how you're getting the part about discrimination toward women? Due to the solid population of women on this board, womens' perspective get's pretty good representation, and doesn't seem to lack any 'oomph' so far as I've seen.
But what do you see?


In my life, I've probably heard more misandry than misogyny, courtesy of mother dearest. However, where this site is concerned, I definitely see a lot more bashing of women in general than bashing of men in general. It's not an issue of whether or not the women have "oomph" in speaking up for themselves, it's the fact that they get subjected to the nastiness in the first place that they haven't done anything to earn. I mean, if people are bickering back and forth that's one thing, but just to be reading along and see out of the blue "women suck" well...it stings.



tinmaiden
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19 Mar 2010, 4:26 pm

My boyfriend could probably be considered NT; he's medicated for ADHD, but he is not on the autism spectrum. He's good to me, patient, and seems to like me despite my eccentricities.


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FreeSpirit2000
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26 Mar 2010, 8:29 pm

DavidM wrote:
Fiz wrote:
I'm in a relationship with a non-autistic and, if you judge success by the number of years, then we have a successful relationship as we have been together for 3 and a half years. However, I feel somewhat taken for granted/unappreciated as I have made sacrifices for the sake of his relationship whereas he has made none. So in this sense, I already feel like I've lost him somewhere along the line but can't bear to let him go. So emotionally, at the moment, it is unsuccessful.



This, folks, is why autistic men should not become emotionally involved with 'normal' women. Notice that she said she made sacrifices for 'his' relationship, not 'our' relationship.

My experience has been that women have no sexual feelings for introverted/autistic men, but rather they begin by pitying them intensely, treating them like a big cuddly toy, but as time goes on they feel total repulsion for him because he will never be able to provide her with security, children, nice cars, social status, and so on.

My own mother once told me that I should buy an Eastern European bride. Don't be fooled by a woman showing kindness towards you. If you can't be on equal footing with a woman in a relationship, don't bother going after them at all.

When I talk to a woman, even if she finds me physically attractive, it usually takes less than 2 minutes for signs of disgust to appear on her face. 'This guy isn't right; I bet he has no money, is poor in bed, and just isn't cool. I don't want to be lumbered with such an uncool boyfriend. Give me a bad boy any day of the week, a guy who can show me a great time.'

And there it is. Sexual relationships are as much off-limits as friendships and jobs. Nobody is interested; nobody knows that I even exist.

It wouldn't surprise me if this girl uses her autistic 'boyfriend' as an emotional punching bag.


All i can say is that depending on the AS person's level of issues, some women may run off, some might not, it all depends. I am an AS college student myself, starting to get As/Bs in my classes, and I guess a great majority of AS people don't care about material things and financial freedom. But I am a rare case and I really want to be the type of person later in life who owns a big house and a nice car (like a BMW, Mercedes, Porsche, Jaguar, etc.) I can say that I am a rarity for someone who has AS, I have fashion sense, I can get along practically with everyone, I usually ignore people who try to cause drama and you can say I am the top of the top. It is all in your attitude and mentality that makes you up as a person.



JazzofLife
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10 Apr 2010, 9:51 am

Asp-Z wrote:
I do, my girlfriend is NT :)

Hows about the rest of you? Any other Aspies/auties in relationships with NTs? How's it going? :)


Define "successful."


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JStrader
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08 May 2010, 5:19 am

My wife is an NT. We've been together for a year now and everything's great.



zen_mistress
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08 May 2010, 6:29 am

DavidM wrote:
Fiz wrote:
I'm in a relationship with a non-autistic and, if you judge success by the number of years, then we have a successful relationship as we have been together for 3 and a half years. However, I feel somewhat taken for granted/unappreciated as I have made sacrifices for the sake of his relationship whereas he has made none. So in this sense, I already feel like I've lost him somewhere along the line but can't bear to let him go. So emotionally, at the moment, it is unsuccessful.



This, folks, is why autistic men should not become emotionally involved with 'normal' women. Notice that she said she made sacrifices for 'his' relationship, not 'our' relationship.

My experience has been that women have no sexual feelings for introverted/autistic men, but rather they begin by pitying them intensely, treating them like a big cuddly toy, but as time goes on they feel total repulsion for him because he will never be able to provide her with security, children, nice cars, social status, and so on.

My own mother once told me that I should buy an Eastern European bride. Don't be fooled by a woman showing kindness towards you. If you can't be on equal footing with a woman in a relationship, don't bother going after them at all.

When I talk to a woman, even if she finds me physically attractive, it usually takes less than 2 minutes for signs of disgust to appear on her face. 'This guy isn't right; I bet he has no money, is poor in bed, and just isn't cool. I don't want to be lumbered with such an uncool boyfriend. Give me a bad boy any day of the week, a guy who can show me a great time.'

And there it is. Sexual relationships are as much off-limits as friendships and jobs. Nobody is interested; nobody knows that I even exist.

It wouldn't surprise me if this girl uses her autistic 'boyfriend' as an emotional punching bag.


I think you need to read her post again. She is the aspie and he is the NT.


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roryboryalice
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09 May 2010, 2:26 am

[b] I am new to the forum.
I agree. NTs can be disfunctional also.
What I wish to know as a NT myself is: Can it work & what do I need to know to help make it work?
My BF is not diagnosed, but I have done the research, spoken to others with ASD, went to a lecture from a local author with it (and brought a friend who knows my BF who also feels he may have it). Now, since he is at this point, not willing to get a diagnosis (but not upset I have talked with him on this & considering the possibility), I need to try.
I would like to know what others feel I should do to try to understand.
Feel free to ask me anything.
Thank You



JazzofLife
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17 May 2010, 8:50 pm

After this past weekend, I know if I am in a relationship with a NT it could be very successful.


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HopeGrows
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17 May 2010, 9:26 pm

JazzofLife wrote:
After this past weekend, I know if I am in a relationship with a NT it could be very successful.


Must have been a great weekend! :wink:


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JazzofLife
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17 May 2010, 10:23 pm

HopeGrows wrote:
JazzofLife wrote:
After this past weekend, I know if I am in a relationship with a NT it could be very successful.


Must have been a great weekend! :wink:


It was :wink: ...go to my thread, "Asking women out...." under "Love and Dating" and read the very long post, and enjoy munching on a bag of popcorn while you're at it. Then, you'll understand why I know if I am in a relationship with a NT it could be very successful, Hope :)


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Interests: Music, great outdoors (beach/mountains), cooking/baking, philosophy, arts/sciences, reading, writing, sports, spirituality, Green, sus